[Phone]

Well, that was a lot of fun, wasn't it? I can now take 'having a chuck of my head bitten off by a monster with fingernails for teeth' off my list of things to do before I hit a hundred. Thanks, Mayfield. You're swell for making my wishes come true.

Anyway, those of you I give a damn about who were still wandering around that special hell while I was busy being dead, are you all okay? [Her tone suggests they'd BETTER be okay, because though she's allowed to go and get herself killed, they're not]

[Action; Bilko Boulevard]

[Mayfield has the worst timing with returning things to people, this much is always true, and so Maladict is now outside her house testing out the powers given back to her. She has a bandage around her head, though it doesn't seem to be doing her much good, it might not be fatal any more, but the blood is still seeping its way through the cotton.

She's largely ignoring that for now, though, instead focussing on using her newly regained strength to pull her mail box up out of the ground and using it as a bat to send rocks way, way off into the distance. Maybe if she wishes enough, it'll land on some poor town official's head. That would be nice]

[Action: Outside 915 Bilko]

[Maladict treats mail coming to her house the same way she treats milk. With great suspicion. So when the parcel arrived to her door , she made sure it was in the centre of the lawn, and spent a constructive five minutes poking with a large stick held at arms length from her.

When she finally decided it was safe enough to open, she found it annoyingly empty. For a moment, she thought that perhaps they'd got it wrong. Or maybe the postman had gone completely insane along with the milkman. Maybe they'd elope and have crazy inhuman babies. That would be nice for them.

...And then she felt the old, tugging cravings hitting her. She glanced down at her hands, no longer were they the healthy living flesh colour, but pale and white. Looks like Mayfiled finally decided to give her her vampirism back]

I didn't even think you could get that sort of thing in a box.

[Phone]

Well, as much fun as my extended trip into humanity was, I'm glad it's over. Shame Mayfield didn't deliver the whole package, but I suppose beggars can't be choosers. Not unless they have a good Guild behind them, anyway.

So. Are we all over our crushing humiliation of acting like idiots yet? Or is it still too soon?

[Action: 915 Bilko]

[Maladict had left her little package from the postman on the kitchen table, and had avoided opening it for a couple of days. For a start, she wasn't sure if it was going to be like those bees, which was not a fun thing to get in the mail at all. Angry bees rated somewhere between a rotting animal carcass and an STD as a desired gift.

Still, people talking about regains finally convinced her to give it a shot and open it, and inside waiting for her was her very first. She takes out the little back ribbon, her hand curling around it, staring a little dumbfounded]

Well, at least you gave me something I actually wanted for a change.

[And with that, she pins the ribbon to her shirt. From this point onwards, it will never leave her]

[Phone: Open]

You know what's not fun to wake up to? A creepy drone husband. Just when I thought he couldn't get more annoying.

Anyway, is there anything I can do to distract him? He keeps shooing me into the kitchen to make that 'special pot pie' so our family can have a 'nice hearty meal' together.

I can't reiterate enough how unlikely this is to work. So I need to make him...shoo. Maybe I can ask him to paint the fence or something.

[Well, Maladict likes to think simple pranks are above her, but given what people have been saying about the last time the census went out, she might as well give it a go]

[Action; Nia]
( Nia's prank )

[Action; Elizabeth]
( Elizabeth's Prank )

[Action; England]
( England's prank )

[Action; Panty - 3AM]
( Panty's prank )

[Action; Hilda]
( Hilda's prank )

[Action; Around Mayfield]

[She wasn't exactly why she ate the candy in the first place. She wasn't even all that fond of the stuff. Still, she was bored and was trying to see how long she could get away with not showing up at her assigned place of work before she got in Big Trouble.

But after the candy, none of that mattered. She'd found herself a black, under-wired nightgown from somewhere, and was now wandering around Mayfield, looking for potential meals. Or perhaps just new playthings.

...Okay so it's a bit weird, not having anything vampiric about herself whatsoever, but she's sure she can improvise. Or something]

[[ooc: Open as open can be. Mal's been band!candied, enjoy]]

[A: Phone;Filtered to vampires]

[This is probably such a terrible idea]

So Cain tells me there’s a lot of us living here. I’m a little curious to how many there actually is.

[B: Phone; Public]

Apparently I have a job that no one bothered to tell me about until I got an angry phone call this morning asking why I hadn't shown up. Hairdesser? No, I don’t think so. I’m going to find something more tailored to my needs. Silence, it’s time to put your outfit to good use.

[C: Action; Outside the fire station]

[And so, Maladict is trying to blag her way into the firefighting force. Because that’s sort of like the military, right? She’s wearing the suit Silence made for her and looks very much like a dapper young gentleman, just as she did when she enlisted. She seems to be having trouble with the drone by the door though]

No. Seriously, I was called into work today. Maybe you’ve had some kind of mix-up with the numbers.

You sure are funny, little lady. Now run along home to your family

I’m not going to ‘run along’ anywhere, and who are you calling a lady? I want a job. You can’t tell me you don’t need able-bodied-HEY!

[The drone clamly pushes her back towards the street]

I know you really want to save kittens, M’am. But leave it to the professionals. You can help out at our next bake sale if you like

[And so Maladict is left seething outside the fire station as the drone walks in, shutting the door behind him]

Oh, come ON!

[A: Action; 915 Bilko Boulevard - morning (locked to housemates)]

[Once you’ve slept enough times in a tattered army tent, with nothing but the cold ground and a marginally annoying leak in the roof just where your head is supposed to lie, you are not used to waking up in comfort. In fact, Maladict had not woken up in comfort for quite some time, so that was the first thing to set alarm bells ringing before she even opened her eyes. The second thing was having a heartbeat. Now that definitely wasn’t normal.

The vampire-who-currently-wasn’t opened her eyes cautiously, taking in her surroundings. Right. Definitely not a tattered army tent. Maybe she was having some kind of Flashside replase? She scrunched up her nose, looking around at the suburban bliss that surrounded her]

“Wow. I didn’t think my own mind hated me this much. Learn something new every day.”

[B:Phone; afternoon (open to all)]

[Maladict sounds confident, despite being in a strange place and never having used a phone before in her life. At least years of being a vampire have given her a great superiority complex. Handy, in situations like this.]

So, as I sit here, staring out at my idyllic little garden, admiring this perfect little life I’ve been given, I wonder exactly which God I really hacked off to deserve this, unless Nuggan isn’t as dead as they say he is. I mean, who thinks this sort of thing is pleasant?

…Well, I’m sure there are people here who do but, hey, if you want to live your life in quiet, moronic bliss, go right ahead. Don’t let me stop you. Don’t forget to water your pansies.

Me? I’m putting on a pair of trousers and finding the nearest exit out of here. I don’t care what anyone says, there’s a way out of everything if you look hard enough.

[C; Action; around Mayfield - afternoon (open to all)]

[And, just like her word, Maladict is wandering around Mayfield in a pair of trousers that look suspiciously like a dress with the middle sewn together, looking for a way out. She looks pretty determined, too.]