22 July 2012 @ 12:57 am
-2: 『What color are they?』  
[phone, middle of the night]

[ Kumagawa's been here a month now, and though he's gotten pretty used to his new life in Mayfield, he still feels homesick from time to time. He misses his family, his friends, his enemies, his comic books, his pornography . . .

But most of all, he misses being around his own kind. Sure, he's managed to make a new friend or two, but it just isn't enough. They aren't Minuses. They aren't epic failures at life, like him.

And so, out of loneliness and the desire to wage war on all Pluses, Kumagawa has decided to start a new Minus 13 Party, filled with all the misfits, outcasts, and losers residing in Mayfield! And what better way to weed out the Minuses from the general population, than by conducting a phone survey? ]

『Hello! How are you this evening? This is famous Japanese celebrity and heartthrob, Kimura Takuya a.k.a. Kimutaku! Yes, that Kimutaku! Aren't you lucky? Anyway, it's time for a pop quiz! I will be asking you a series of questions about my extensive acting career, and if you answer everything correctly, you win the chance to be my co-star in my upcoming movie, 「Why Am I So Handsome?」!!』

『. . . I'm totally lying, by the way, but I still need you to answer a few simple questions about yourself.』

[ If the person on the other line hasn't hung up yet, Kumagawa proceeds with the survey. ]

『So, let's begin! True or false: 「If I were in a manga, I would be the main character」.』

[ He doesn't even give the person enough time to answer, before asking the next question. ]

『On a scale of negative thirteen to positive thirteen, with negative thirteen being strongly agree and positive thirteen being strongly disagree, please answer how you feel about the following statement: 「I am ugly, inside and out」.』

[ The same goes for question number three. ]

『What is your current favorite serialization in 「Weekly Shounen Jump」?』

[ And so on. ]

『Fourthly and lastly, and this is the single most important question of all, since it can only be answered by girls!』

What color are your panties? Aaaand that concludes the survey! Now, please provide your answers in reverse order, starting with question number four.』
14 June 2012 @ 05:32 am
-1: 『Enter the Minus!』  
[action 1, around town, morning]

[ There's a new face in town -- a rather ordinary-looking young man of average height and build, with black hair, blue eyes, and a pleasant smile on his face. Hands stuffed into his pant pockets, he is walking down the sidewalk, seemingly minding his own business as he approaches a random pedestrian and-- ]


[ --In an instant, he's all up in their grill, his smiling mug just inches away from theirs. ]

『Hello! Excuse me! You there! Yes, you! If you're not too busy, may I please have a moment of your time?』

[ And even after he finishes speaking, the young man continues to stand rather closely to the other person, totally invading their personal space.

And he is still smiling. ]

[action 2, late afternoon, 1649 albright]

[ After spending several hours trying to gather as much information as he could, and another hour or two trying to recall his address, Kumagawa once again finds himself at the front steps of his new "home" -- 1649 Albright Lane. Once inside, he removes his shoes, leaves them at the front door, steps into the living room and, after taking a deep breath, announces quite loudly: ]

『I'm hooooooome, my wonderful, caring, loving family!! I'm soooooo sorry for sneaking out while you were all asleep this morning, but I'm back now, and I'm determined to be the best family member I can possibly be!』