31 August 2012 @ 11:26 pm
13th Hat  
[Action; wherever Mayfield sells guns]

[Dad can be found at the gun shop making some preparations during the afternoon.  Which is to say, he's in there with an absolutely ludicrous amount of money to buy an equally ludicrous number of firearms.]

Thought it'd be nice to take the family on a camping trip for the long holiday weekend.  I hear there's bears and wolves out there, so the way I see it, you can never be too careful.  I'm not about to let anything hurt my family or ruin this trip for the kids, after all.

[He gives a pleasant smile to the drone shopkeeper as he lays down a rather thick wad of bills on the counter.  Afterward, he walks around the shop picking out firearms of various calibers - handguns, rifles, and everything in between - and captchaloguing them in his wallet sylladex.]

[Action; gas station]

[Later in the day, Dad drives up to the gas station on the highway outside town in a rather flashy-looking red convertible.  After giving a customary friendly smile and a wave to the attendant, he unloads five gasoline cans from the back seat and starts filling them up one by one before making sure the car's full too.]

The wife and I are taking a little trip this weekend.  Just the two of us and the wide open road.  You never know what'll happen out there, so I like to be prepared.  What do I owe you for this?

[Again, he takes out a sizeable wad of bills from his pocket to pay for all of that gas before turning around and captchaloguing the canisters like he did with all of the guns earlier.]

Keep the change, and enjoy your holiday, all right?
11 July 2012 @ 11:13 pm
12th Hat  
[Action; outside 311 Miller Street]

[Regain time for Dad! He's had pretty good luck with these in the past, so he eagerly opens the package, pulling out a PDA and a very official-looking piece of paper. Putting the PDA in his pocket without even sparing it so much as a passing glance, he just stands there on the front lawn staring down at the paper. On his face is a strange expression somewhere between wistful remembrance, bemusement, and vague shame.

He isn't paying much attention to anything else while he's looking at whatever's on the paper, but anyone who wants to look over his shoulder will see that he's holding a restraining order from a district judge barring him from coming within five hundred feet of anyone affiliated in any way with a Cirque du Soleil performance.]

[Text over the Nadesico's wireless network]

[After he's gotten over the shock of the restraining order, Dad has apparently decided to give the old PDA a whirl. To his surprise, Mayfield appears to have a functional wireless network set up, so anyone with a computer, cell phone, or other electronic device set up on the network may see someone with the handle pipefan413 performing a number of incredibly inane updates about ties, pipes, and hats throughout the rest of the day. All of the updates are made under the label 'Serious Business.']

Dadly updates )
03 June 2012 @ 09:19 pm
11th Hat - It's Good to Own Land  
AU Information )

[Today, Dad and Mom can be seen on the porch of 311 Miller Street, sitting in rocking chairs and sipping mint juleps.  Dad appears to be wearing a fake mustache and beard - because what classy gent should be without some equally classy facial hair - and a white seersucker suit.  Mom is decked out in a long dress with a full skirt, and a pink shawl in place of her usual scarf.  The two are enjoying the nice calm summer's day, just rocking together and commenting on the weather.]

Warm today.


Warm yesterday.


Supposed to be warm tomorrow.

[Rock.  Sip.

They'll go on like this all day, really.  Looks like there's a third rocking chair set up on the porch, for anyone who feels like joining them.  Be careful, though - there's a whoopie cushion on it.  There is also a nice fresh pecan pie sitting on the table next to the empty chair.  Make of that what you will.]

28 May 2012 @ 12:55 pm
10th Hat  
[There is a forlorn looking man holding a cake sitting on the curb just outside 1490 Kramden Road.  Approach?]
04 April 2012 @ 09:08 pm
9th Hat - Prank Wars: Dad Strikes Back  
[It's almost the end of the event, and while Dad easily staved off the prank disease with some of his earlier shenanigans, he just can't help himself.  He's the grandson of the late and great prankster Colonel Sassacre, after all, and even though he never met his forebear in person, that same mischevious blood runs through his veins.  Pranksters gotta prank.]

Bernkastel prank - mostly scene-setting )

Handmaid prank )

[Action; early evening; 311 Miller; open to all]

[That's two successful pranks in one day!  Dad figures he's earned a bit of relaxation, and also trying out some of his new powers while they're still around for him to enjoy.  Probability manipulation and telekinesis aren't too bad, especially when there's some pastry-based strife practice to be had.  Anyone passing by 311 Miller Street at or around dinnertime will see Dad in the front lawn with a pile of cream pies stacked up beside him and bullseye targets set up in various places around the lawn.]

All right, let's see what we've got here!

[Dad closes his eyes, concentrating as he raises his hands.  Three pies start to levitate around him, making a slow circle around his body.  This goes on for about half a minute, and then Dad snaps his hands out to the sides.  The pies go winging off toward three separate targets, hitting the bullseyes right in the middle.  He opens his eyes and chuckles to himself a little, clearly proud of his work.]

Heheh... looks like the Force is strong in me.
02 April 2012 @ 07:38 pm
8th Hat  
[April Fool's Day event, eh?  From the way people were talking, Dad was expecting something much worse.  This is like Mayfield easy mode, especially for someone descended from the late and great Colonel Sassacre.  He can't help but grin when he opens up the prank assignment, and immediately goes to work getting together everything he can possibly rig up to prepare for the day.  Thankfully, he's already stocked up on everything prankworthy Mayfield has to offer in the stores.  Whoopie cushion nothing, this is serious business.]

Dad getting pranked by Niou and Wes )

Prank for Maladict but also open to anyone )

Prank for Ken Hidaka )

((OOC: Anyone else Dad had as a target that I didn't cover here or am still plotting with - we can do a thread on the post the mods put up.  I just wanted to make sure to get something up today.))

13 March 2012 @ 05:22 pm
7th Hat  
[Phone; filtered from drones and especially from John Egbert]

Evening, neighbors!  Some of you might know this already, but my son John's birthday is coming up, exactly one month from today on April 13th.  And since it's his first one away from home and all, I was hoping to do something a little special for him.  So I'm putting the call out to his Mayfield family, his friends from home, all the trolls he met on that Internet he's always playing around on, and any friends he's made here in town to give him the best birthday party a kid could ask for.  I'll take care of baking the cake myself, but we're going to need decorations, entertainment, snacks... oh, but nothing with peanuts.  But yeah, the whole nine yards.  The sky's the limit!  Nothing is too big for this one.  Money is no object.  I want to make sure it's a night to remember.  Oh, and most importantly: not a word of this to John in the meantime.  We're gonna pull off the biggest surprise party this town's ever seen.  The party will be on the night of April 13th, right after school lets out.  And if you want to get him a present but can't think of what to get him, he's always been really fond of clowns.  Just call me back or come over to 311 Miller Street if you want to help or discuss plans. 

Well, that's about all.  Hope to see you all at the party!
03 March 2012 @ 02:18 pm
6th Hat  
[Well, anyone who knows Dad probably saw this coming a mile away.  Delicious chocolate-based baked goods?  Yes please.  He bought a big heaping helping from some of the drone kids that morning, and can be found in several places in Mayfield suffering the band candy's effects during the events of the weekend.]

[Action; around Mayfield]

[Being the grandson of a legendary prankster himself, Dad has always had a certain affinity for jokes, gags, japes, and shenanigans, going back even further than trying to please his son John by filling the house with harlequins.  In fact, one could say he was even more serious about this hobby in the carefree days of his youth.  Back when clowning seemed like a pretty attractive and realistic long-term career aspiration.  Watch out, citizens of Mayfield, there's a prankster on the loose!

So today, all throughout town, Dad can be found looking much like
this, except with the addition of a jester's cap in place of his normal hat.  He's playing all sorts of practical jokes on anyone and everyone he can find.  Besides throwing a lot of pies, this also includes just about every silly Looney Tunes style prank you could imagine - buckets of water perched on doorways, ringing doorbells and hiding in the bushes, lighting smoke bombs and putting them in peoples' mailboxes, replacing their doorbells with the prank kind that shoot water... all that sort of thing.]

[Action; Achewood Bakery]

[Later on in the day, Dad decides to actually show up for work.  And it looks like he's
brought someone with him.  He'll still be doing his job... more or less.  You're just going to have to get past the fact that the two of them are spending most of the day making out on top of the bakery counter.  Oh, and anyone who orders cookies?  Regardless of how hot and heavy things are getting on the counter, Dad finds the time to pull a pie seemingly out of nowhere and throw it in your face.  Pies and cakes are superior to cookies - geez, everyone knows that.]

((OOC: Anyone who picks the bakery prompt may get tags from either Dad, Mom, or both.))
11 February 2012 @ 03:09 pm
5th Hat  
[Action; outside 311 Miller; early afternoon]

[A package is delivered to the Egbert household today, dropping onto the step outside the front door with a loud THUD. The box isn't all that large, as boxes go, but the force of the impact seems to have cracked the concrete rather impressively. Dad comes out a few minutes later to check the mail, almost tripping over the box on his way to the mailbox. Despite its apparent ridiculous weight, he lifts the box easily, unwrapping it and taking out a thick tome with a smile.]

Well, well! It's grandpappy Sassacre's old book! This sure brings back some memories...

[Action; outside 311 Miller; late afternoon into early evening]

[After spending a few hours inside brushing up on his japes, Dad's ready to entertain the Mayfield masses with some clever illusions and chemical surprises. He's standing out in front of the 30 foot tall statue of Zazzerpan the Learned with various tools of the trade (mostly borrowed from Mayfield High's chemistry lab) - and, curiously, a mint julep - lined up on a card table. Anyone stopping by will be treated to one of the following three tricks:

1. For this trick, Dad has a small metal bowl set up on the edge of the table with a fire burning inside. He takes his pipe from his mouth, adds a small amount of some unidentified powder, and then covers the opening with clay. Then he puts the pipe into the fire. Within minutes, smoke begins to issue forth from the stem of the pipe, eventually stopping. Once the smoke is gone, Dad flicks open his lighter, applying the flame to the stem of the pipe, causing it to glow brightly for several minutes. If anyone hangs around long enough, once the pipe has cooled off, Dad uncovers the end with the clay and shakes out a small black lump.

2. Taking an egg from a bowl, Dad displays it to the audience. He then does the same with a small-necked glass bottle, the opening clearly too narrow to fit an egg through. After this fact is allowed to fully sink in, he sets the egg atop the opening, pushing lightly on top until it squeezes through the opening and lands at the bottom. Should any member of the audience accuse him of trickery involving hard-boiling, he will proceed to fill the bottle with water and show how the egg is able to retain its original shape and consistency.

3. This trick will be performed as the sun starts to set, because it's more impressive in dim light. Dad shows the audience a pea-sized lump of red material before immersing it in a small amount of strong-smelling clear liquid. After the red lump has dissolved, Dad turns around, makes some motions with his hands, and when he turns back around his face and hands appear to be alight with a mysterious and fiery ethereal glow! He makes the appropriate accompanying 'OooOooOoOOoOOoOoo~' noises and wiggles his fingers around to complete the impression that he has transformed into some sort of ghastly apparition.]

[Phone; evening; intended for drunks and classy gents]

I was wondering if any adults in town would be interested in joining me and the wife for cocktails and a rousing game of snapdragon.  It's all right if you've never played before, it's very easy to learn.

22 January 2012 @ 09:21 pm
4th Hat  
[Action; 311 Miller; locked to housemates]

[Things have been busy in Mayfield since Christmas, and unfortunately Dad and Mom hadn't gotten around to opening their presents until today.  They've also been a little apprehensive, since they'd both heard that sometimes the town gives back bad things.  But today is certainly a joyous occasion and a cause for celebration, because in addition to Dad's MANGRIT and Mom's pink scarf that took thirteen years to get back to her, the entire house is now full of paintings of wizards and various harlequin-themed decorations.]

Well, well!  Isn't this a surprise!

[Action; outside 311 Miller]

[But that's not all, oh no.  Out on the front lawn stands the magnificent capstone to this hideously mismatched set of decorations - a twenty foot tall wizard statue made entirely of granite.  Yes, it is the majestic and noble visage of Zazzerpan the Learned, towering over the house for all to gaze upon in awe and admiration.  And Dad and Mom can be found outside doing just that - Dad smoking his pipe and nodding appreciatively while Mom sips at her fifth martini of the day with a somewhat wry grin on her face.]

[Phone; Dad to John]

Son, if you've got some time, why don't you come over for a visit?  I've got a surprise here for you!

[This clearly shouldn't worry you at all, John.  Especially not coming from your dear old dad, right?]

[Phone; Mom to the town; filtered from drones]

I am interested in acquiring the services of an artisan to craft a large statue.  If any are interested, generous compensation will be provided.

((OOC: Anyone who tags the second prompt will be tagged by either Dad, Mom, or possibly both.  No post order necessary, but feel free to specify if you want one in your comment.))