[phone]
Hey, fellas!

Who's hankerin' for some shakes tonight?  Tara and I are celebratin' our six and a half month plus two days anniversary, and the keepers just dropped some cool, cool cash. Thought I'd hafta go skinny for a while there!  On our big day, too - haha, she'd be way frosted if I faded out the day of.  Righto, slurgs're on me tonight.  Just come meet us at the diner whenever - I'm thinkin' we'll see some flicks after and split around 11.

It'll be boss; come on and make the scene, fellas!

[action, Neutron Diner]
[As promised, Beast Boy and Tara are in the diner starting around dinnertime.  Tara gravitates immediately to her girlfriends, leaving a dark-haired, dark-skinned Beast Boy to watch her with admiration and slowly suck down his delicious, chocolate, totally non-vegan milkshake.

Yum.

The night is totally uneventful right up until the point Beast Boy sneezes and his arm transforms into a squid tentacle.

He fails to notice and goes right back to slurping his shake.]

[voice]
Yo!  Just a reminder for everyone, auditions all tomorrow, all day.  Show that you've got what it takes to be a hero!

[This call goes out late at night before Beast Boy goes to bed. It's not really meant to be responded to, but if anyone has anything to say about it at this hour, it might be important, right?]

[action, 1124 Taylor, before noon]
[It is silent as the grave.  With the exception of a large green tiger rolling on the front lawn snoring its head off.  By 'all day', Beast Boy assumed that everyone would implicitly understand that Saturdays before 12 didn't actually count as part of the day; it was sheerly incomprehensible that anyone could possibly be awake and ready to go then. 

First trial for potential applicants: Get Beast Boy up and alert.]

[action, 1124 Taylor, after noon]
[Beast Boy has set up a table and three chairs in his front yard.  He tries to look as serious as he can about this endeavor, which explains why he has taken to wearing a ridiculous looking mask that makes him look vaguely like an elf and only serves to accentuate his super pointy ears.]

Alright, dude!  Show us what you've got!

((This is backdated to last Saturday; any time discrepancies will be handwaved.  Feel free to have your character show off their awesome powers even if they have no intention of joining any team!  Cain and Terra, feel free to chime in whenever and wherever you'd like.))

[action, downtown Mayfield]
[People are, by now, perhaps accustomed to seeing strange green animals that had no business wandering around a 1950s neighborhood doing exactly that.

They may not, however, be accustomed to seeing lumbering green stegosauri being used as large billboards.]

Do you want to be a superhero? You, too, can save countless lives by joining the awesome cool superhero team, the Teen Titans! Auditions Saturday 7/26, 1124 Taylor, all day!

[phone]
~When there's trouble, you know who to caaaaall - TeEn tItANs!!
Mayfield sucks, but we're still standing taaaaaall - TEEN TITANS!!!
We'll beat up Zemekis once and for all.
Then we'll have a buncha tofu dogs...zall
'Cause when the - wait does it still need to rhyme with 'all'? How did this go again? Who even wrote this thing?

I mean, uh. Friends! Mayfieldians! Countrymen! Lend me your video games! This is your chance to shine; that's right, you heard me. For a limited time, you, too, can join the prestigious Jump City based superhero team, the Teen Titans! You don't even hafta be a teen, we'll totally take anyone. The only requirements are that you wanna kick Mayfield's butt. ...And you've gotta be really cool. And if anyone wants to codename themselves Robin, Starfire, Raven, or Cyborg and wear these special costumes I made, that's fine, too. Auditions will be this Saturday at 1124 Taylor, all day.

Oh, and Cain and Terra, you guys're totally my other two judges. I'm the nice guy and Terra's the girl, so Cain, you've gotta be the mean one.

[action, park]
[Beast Boy can be found later that day in the park with what appears to be... a smiling Raven. The apocalypse is surely nigh.]

Hey, Raven. Why do ducks quack?

Gee, Garfield! I don't know!

Sh! I said, call me Beast Boy.

OK, Garfield!

Ugh, no, whatever. Look, they quack 'cause they get all quacked up by my jokes.

Hahahahaha! You're so funny, Garfield! Tell me more!

......Yeah, no, this is totally not gonna work.

[And whenever he gets rid of the drone, Beast Boy sighs a little and sits by the edge of the pond, throwing in little rocks.]

[phone]
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!

MEGA MONKEYS 4 holy crud someone get over here and play with me RIGHT NOW.  Dude I don't care how much you hate playing games Raven I've got two controllers and an empty spot next to me on the couch.  It's been like months I bet I've missed out on a ton of downlo -- ...oh.  Right.

Nnmmmmnnnngh don't care play with me!

[action, 1124 Taylor]
[So ever wonder what the maximum volume on a TV set goes up to?  Bet you've never dialed it past the halfway point, huh?  Heck, you've probably wondered yourself why they make it go up so high when you'd have to be practically deaf to need it.

Never fear, your long-awaited answers are finally here.  The monkey screeches, banana peel slipping sounds, and bleep-bloops of gaming are fully audible at least two blocks down.  Beast Boy stares at the television with drool dripping out the corner of his mouth.  He sits in a mound of pillows, fruit juice boxes, and empty potato chip bags as he becomes one with the television.]

[action, 625 Topper Street]
[Oh yeah he had something else he needed to do, huh?  Five days later (alright alright five hours he had some self-control OK?), he stands on the doorstep of 625 Topper and rings for the bell.  Ding-dong!  Cue nervous prattling.]

Uhh. Hey, Tara! You home? I've got something I wanna ask you! If it's not a good time or something, totally cool; just... whenever you're ready, haha! Ha.

[It is pretty clear what he wants to ask from the sad posy of flowers he holds in one hand.]

[A: action for 1648 Albright Lane]
[Did Cain always snore so loud? Or make such a fuss about getting out of bed? The alarm rings for at least twenty minutes before a hand finally emerges from the covers and flails at it uselessly.]

Hnnnngh... Ten more... hours...

[The blonde boy rolls over and promptly smashes to the floor courtesy of the wall being on the opposite side of where he'd expected it to be. He pops up with a grunt of pain.]

Geez. Can't a guy get some sleep aro -- Holy gaaaaaaaaaaahhh!

[B: Closed to 1124 Taylor (Beast Boy's Housemates)]

[This is not where Cain expected to wake up that morning, and certainly not what he expected to look like when he did wake up. Green skin... taller than he was used to and-- this person was certainly familiar. He can't help the knee-jerk panic that rises initially, fearing that Mrs. Johnson has been at work again, and he stumbles out of the bedroom and down the stairs. Alas, he's not used to his new longer legs yet, gets tangled in himself and goes flying down the stairs with an ungraceful yell.]

[C: Around town, open to all]
[When not-green... do as the not-green people do.  Cain sure is wearing some unusual clothes (for him, at least) as he walks around town in a T-shirt and shorts slurping a smoothie.  ...Actually, come to think of it, not-green people didn't really do anything all that exciting or different.  He'd have appreciated it more back home when he would have gotten fewer stares, but everyone in Mayfield was too used to crazy-looking folks to give him a second glance, anyway.  Eh.  Whatever.

Hope you don't mind your body being filled with terrible, awful things, Cain, 'cause those value-packs of potato chips aren't going to eat themselves.]

Dude.  Wonder where I can get a teddy bear.

[D: Around Town (Open to All)]

[Running out of the house, the first thing on his mind was not (as would be sensible) to find his body... but to find his brother. Unfortunately, he's not quite got the hang of how to control this shape-shifting deal yet, and keeps changing at random.

Hopefully other people won't mind the sudden T-Rex becoming a bird, becoming a hippo, becoming a mouse and... eventually back to a rather panicked looking green-skinned teenager again.]

[E: Locked]
[Well. That sure was a green T. Rex running around town in a panic. The moment he spots the behemoth, Beast Cain sprints as fast as he can towards the creature.]

Cain! Dude, that's you, right?! Cain, down here!

((Respond to A and C for Beast Boy in Cain's body, and B and D for vice-versa!))

[voice]
Hah! I'd have celebrated April Fools' Day even without any dumb census. 'S only fair to warn you guys... You're standing in the presence of a bona-fide prankster superstar. You'd all better watch your backs.

[Some whoosing noises ensue for no particular reason. After Beast Boy is done swinging his imaginary lightsaber...]

Begun, the prank wars have.

[action - Snow Villiers, Sunday morning]
( Snow's Prank )

[action - Arf, Sunday afternoon]
( Arf's Prank )

[action - Clover/Death, Monday afternoon]
( Clover's Prank )

[action - Miakis, Monday evening]
( Miakis's Prank )

[action - Grell Sutcliffe, Tuesday morning]
( Grell's Prank )

[voice]
Whoa. Hold on. Time out, dudes. So school was pretty OK at first, and I guess there was a buncha stuff that was good to know. I had no idea Napoleon crossed the Saraha on an elephant; I thought he was just the guy who invented that triple ice cream flavor. And the difference between geometry and geography is pretty obvious now, looking back.  But this is just gettin' lame!  Why the heck is there homework every day? Who invented midterms? And how do any of you guys have time for video games after going through all of this junk?!

You're all with me on this, right? I did fine teaching myself before; is there like someone I can talk to to get outta class?  I'm pretty much set for life schoolwise already.  I before t except after g, triangles have 360 angles, blahblah, see?

[action, high school]
[Beast Boy is so over this school thing.  The next day, instead of a skinny green boy sitting in his desk, there is a small, green cat curled up on top, taking a nap.  This persists in every class apart from lunch and gym.]  

[action, makeout point]
[Sometime after Valentine's Day, Beast Boy flutters up to the top of the mountain and transforms back into his usual self, sitting with his legs dangling off the side of the cliff.  There is a dreamy expression in his eyes and he sighs deeply as he flops backwards.  ...He changes his mind half a second later and sits back up, leaning over to scream down into the town far below.]

I've got a girlfrieeeeeend!!!!

[Oh, yeah.  Felt good.]

[voice]
Tara!

We definitely need to talk, dude! Where've you been?! I even went through your house the other day! Anyway, that's gonna have to wait a bit 'cause it's Valentine's Day, and I've been waiting for this for a way long time!

[The only thing he might have done differently without the iris, was, maybe, remembering to filter it to her. There comes the sounds of fumbling noises in the background before a soundtrack of some sort begins to play...]

OK, here we go. One. Two. A-one two three --

You can't fade away
The way I feel for you there ain't no word I could say
What I'd do for you, and every single day...

By your side is where I'll be
Endless love and faith you'll see
When I walk you walk with me
Tara!
Together let the light shine! Together let the light shine... Together let the light shine~

[If Tara isn't properly mortified yet, Beast Boy caps this off with a --]

I love you, Tara!

[action]
[And then Beast Boy is triumphantly riding down the streets of Mayfield on his shiny new moped (when the heck had he ever owned this?!) with a giant bouquet of flowers.]

This is the best day ever!

[Naturally, he drives about as well as a 14-year-old could be expected to drive and promptly crashes at least 7 times. Maybe into you.]

This is still the best day ever!

[His bouquet is in pieces by the time he gets anywhere close to his destination. But there's a bunch of simple, elegant daisies growing in a flowerbed which he promptly plucks out of the ground.]

[phone]
That's it.

[It is the day after his encounter with Tara. Beast Boy slams a fist down on a table. Given that it is a gorilla fist, it breaks.]

I've had it. I'm sick of this. I just did this. I just did this! Three months and we were finally friends again!  I'm not going through this... this crap. This is crap. This is bull. Crap. [This sounds like the first time someone has ever said anything harsher than heck.] I don't know what you guys are gonna do, but I'm not letting some crappy fake doctor do this kind of thing to my friends!

Starfire, Raven. We're still the Teen Titans, Robin or not. You guys in or out?

I'm gonna be at the dairy. I'm getting to that machine and I'm fixing it. I hope whichever one of you bozos went in and blew it up is happy.

[Yeah, that's right. He said bozo. What're you gonna do about it, huh?]

[action, dairy]
[Once again, there is a Tyrannosaurus Rex on the loose in Mayfield.  This time, it pounds itself against the walls repeatedly, a desperate, kamikaze effort.  Beast Boy is not one to give in to his bestial urges.  There is nothing feral in this methodical battering except insofar as a man may be so enraged as to lose all that distinguishes him from an animal.

This will continue until he is droned.
Or... until after an hour has passed, when he slowly shrinks back into a skinny, green-skinned, pointy-eared kid, sinks to his knees and tries not to cry in pain, rage and despair.]

[action, 1124 taylor]
[On the front steps of his porch early in the morning of the 16th, the resident goblin troll boy Beast Boy has been sufficiently distracted from the alarms by the arrival of a large package marked 'Garfield Logan'.  Without a second thought, the package is frantically torn apart.  The evidence must be destroyed.

As soon as the offending name is in a million pieces, Beast Boy's whole body flashes... And in rapid succession, the porch strains to bear the weight of a raven, a bear, a bull, a rhinoceros, a snake, a Velociraptor, and a sperm whale.  ...The latter is quickly reverted partway before the entire house is reduced to rubble.  With some difficulty, the boy resumes his normal form with a mad gleam in his eyes, a yell of excitement, and a fist-pump.]

Oh, yeah!  Beast Boy's back, baby.

[action, in town]
[Today, there is a 20-foot-tall Tyrannosaurus Rex stomping down the streets roaring furiously and waving it stubby little arms.  Curiously, it seems to step around any vehicles and people coming its way, but it's still a dangerous beast that must be destroyed, right?  ...Hold on, are T. Rexes supposed to be that weird shade of green?]

[action, 630 topper]
[A frantic knock at the door accompanied by excited screaming.]

Robin, Raven!  Check it out!  I'm back in business, oh yeah, the town's not gonna see what's coming to 'em, wham, give 'em the ol' one-two Beast Boy special c'mon guys, let's go, we've got a dairy to investigate!

....Hell-lo?!  Anyone home?!