( Action; Locked to 1338 Benny )

[Phone]

[Yeah, so, um, somebody is clearly on a downward spiral into the depths of crazy right now, enjoy this call.]

You know, it actually sort of makes sense. This place is the literal definition of hell. It's boring as fuck, interspersed with random bouts of torture, and I'm stuck here with all of you, the sad representatives of a species that is itself a walking reminder of my many, many failures. Guess what, I found religion, let me teach you all about it. The truth is, everything exists in its entirety to punish me, so if things aren't working out so well for you, sorry about that.

And before you helpfully call in to let me know I'm a selfish nookrind secreted out of unwashed orifices of the cosmic personification of self-absorption, I already knew! Here I am, making a pathetic spectacle of myself all over the audio hook, please direct your mockery and loathing my way, that was the whole point of this call.

[A pause.]

Oh, wait, there actually was a point to this call. The point is to do the public service of informing you that the cause of all problems in my and therefore this universe is here in Mayfield. You may think this is hysterical hyperbole, but I helpfully provided an example of the former just moments ago. I'm completely fucking serious about this.

Some of you may not know this, but the human universe was created by me and my friends. I fucked it up good, my bad. Yeah, I really messed things up for you guys, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if this shithole of a virtual human town was somehow related to the previous clusterfuck video game experience I participated in.

But I didn't just develop the capacity to be a universe-ruining fuck up all on my own! I fortunately had help from our good friend Doc Scratch, the same smug douche commemorated in the bowling alley for his prowess in mass killing. Look it up yourself, it's true. Before that, he was also going back to the dawn of my civilization ruining everything, and happened to orchestrate the deaths of everyone I've ever known.

So, yeah, forget my shitty housing list that has never done anyone even a moment of good. My new mission is to fuck up his life as much as he's fucked up mine. Consider yourself informed!

[Phone]

Good afternoon, my name is Ky Kiske. For those of you who are new in town, I apologize in advance; this is not a pleasant place to be stuck in. However long you've been here, though, I find taking some time to relax can help relieve some of the stress, and as I've recently received some personal belongings, I thought I would offer what I could.

If anyone would like to join me for a cup of tea, I would be happy to oblige.

...On a similar note, if anyone has any suggestions for safely storing fragile objects in a... chaotic environment, I'd appreciate them.

[Action-- outside 341 Brady]

[He's got a lot of fragile objects to worry about storing, if the table he's setting up outside is any indication; there are dozens of different teacups (lovingly) arranged alongside a large teapot, sugar bowls, and pitchers of milk (not the Milkman's). He's got his girly crown on, too, evidently acting as an Official Representative Of Illyria (tm), and is smiling politely to anyone who passes]

Care for some tea?

[ooc: Sin might pop in on phone conversations to make fun of Ky, so if you'd rather not get threadjacked, please say so! (if it's not already listed in a permission post or something similar)]

Albright Lane 1647 - outdoors; open to anyone nearby

[ This was quite a nice surprise, he guessed. The bracelet did fit nicely on his wrist, after all, and he could even feel the surge of power inside of him. Those Flame things had come back, had they? Hmm, that was good. Of course, he still preferred fighting with his tonfa rather than using flames, but giving the strikes an extra boost with the flames was always something, right? ]

Hmmm.....

[ He whips out a tonfa from his shirt sleeve, and focus on the flames. Irritation, yeah, he always felt a slight irritation since he came to Mayfield - well, almost all the time, at least.

Soon, a purple flame wraps around the tonfa, flickering as it grows in strength. Half of a smirk grows on his face when it does. ]

Heh.

[ Now if only he'd had Roll back, he could use Cambio Forma to kick Byakuran's and Belphegor's asses once and for all. ]