9th Fifth - Warm Weather Brings Out The Best In Us

[hisnameisthecaptain]

[Guess what Mayfield? The Captain is drunk, he's had a great morning, and he's naked!

That's right. The alcoholic super hero has gone a bit over board. But still! It gets better!

He may even end up in your house! That's right! Your house!

He's super powered and super naked. You can catch him doing one of the following.]

A)
[He's outside picking a fight with your car/tree/mailbox/dog.

It's a heated argument, he seems to be losing. He is swinging a mostly empty bottle of liquor around.

There's a lot of shouting, but it hasn't gotten violent. Yet.]

B)
[In your kitchen, rummaging around for alcohol or food. He's made a mess of things too.

Your fridge is open, your meats are cooking on the stove with OJ marinade and your milk is spilled all over the floor.]

C)
[In your bathroom, passed out in your shower.

The shower curtain has been torn town and the water is still running on him.

Wait, is that your toothbrush sticking out of his mouth?]

D)
[In your bed. Yes, your bed!

Maybe sprawled out on top of you, or maybe having a naked cuddle. Is he big spoon or small spoon?]

E)
[You got lucky, he never made it inside and he didn't destroy your yard.

Instead he passed out on your lawn, on your driveway or even on your car.]

Comments

D

[1st_superhero]

[Gilgamesh, instead of doing something sensible like screaming or waking the man up, decides instead to paint on the man's face. With special "paint" made from a cocktail of sauces and cheap beer.]

[So he more or less covers the Captain's body in memorable lines from movies like "Luke, I am your Father!".]

[Let's hope the Captain doesn't wake up in the middle of this.]

[hisnameisthecaptain]

[Probably not. And his body is Gilgamesh's canvas.

The Captain makes for one ugly canvas.]

A

[weiss_tank]

[Ken winces when he hears a familiar voice. Please don't let him be....

He is. Well damn.]

Cap, what the hell are you doing! [It's all facepalms at this point.]

[hisnameisthecaptain]

This guy's a jerk.

[Waving his bottle at a tree.]

He's gonna apologize or else...

C

[on_bailes_strand]

[Poke]

Mister, are you aware of where you are?

Re: C

[hisnameisthecaptain]

Wha...?

[He is going to try to pull the shower curtain over his head.]

I don't want to wake up.

B)

[causesstampedes]

[Well the smell of food is nice but there is an angry baby lion wondering what you're doing here. So Simba will just flatten his ears and puff out his chest trying to look as intimidating as he can.]

Hey! What are you doing in my house?

[hisnameisthecaptain]

Holy ☠☠☠☠, at talking cat!

A.

[birdinfro]

[Wow, it's a pretty nice day. Sun is shining, birds are chirping, baby chocobo is in good spirits... What could go wro-Sazh nearly spits out some coffee he was drinking when he happens to glance out the window.

Oh. There's a naked man fighting the mailbox. There's a sigh as he goes to get a towel for the drunk on his front yard, before setting foot outside.]

Uh, I don't think you're going to win this battle. [Holding the towel out cautiously and just...Geeze. Even the baby chocobo in his fro is having none of this and is thus far refusing to emerge like it usually does.]

[hisnameisthecaptain]

I bet I could take him.

[He points at the mail box as if saying it's time is coming.

Ignoring the towel.]

D.

[fthisgetmecigs]

[Badou stirs slightly in his sleep. The smell of booze and general ick reaching his thought processes first. Jesus fucking christ, did he stay out too late at a show again? Then he remembers he's in Mayfield. He cracks his one good eye open. He can't recall being on a bender recen-Wait. No.

oh.my.god.

There is a hideous naked man spooning him drunkenly. Naked man he knows could probably snap him like a twig. WHAT DO.]

[hisnameisthecaptain]

[This naked man just stirs and buries his face into Bandou's neck.

Nope, not waking up. He had a rough night.]

E - as in eeeeeyah.

[ooeeooahah]

[ Once is happenstance, twice is coming dangerously close to tradition. However, Ilsa knows The Captain a little better this year. She kneels next to him in the driveway, balanced to jump out of the way if needed. ]

Captain, hon - where'd you leave your clothes this time?

[hisnameisthecaptain]

[He kinda just curls up into a ball and mutters.]

Turn off the alarm, I am skipping work.

A

[chalicejoker]

[This is the second random naked man Hajime has encountered in the past two weeks. He is not amused, and he storms outside to get this random naked man, who seems to have some issue with the tree out in the yard, to leave.]

Hey! Get out of here!

[As Hajime speaks, a silver belt is appearing around his waist. He's also holding what appears to be a playing card in one hand, ready to transform in the event he needs to frighten the drunk away. The world's most patient and understanding Kamen Rider, he is not. He also has no idea The Captain just may be able to hit harder than he can.]

[hisnameisthecaptain]

Not until this guy appologizes!

[The Captain, unaware of the danger he is actually in, turns his attention back towards his silent opponent.

This is truely a battle of wits.]

a

[acuity]

[ ... are you trying to pick a fight with my bff penguin bodyguard 8( ]

[hisnameisthecaptain]

[Why yes, yes he is.

Pointing accusingly.]

You! You think you're too good for the zoo?

Go home! Get! You overgrown artic ☠☠☠!

(possibly a joint post)

[adventurerextraordinaire]

[Cade waltzes out to his Pontiac Fury in the morning, and finds a naked Captain lying spread eagle on the hood. Cade is not normally phased by nakedness, but the fact that he is spread out on his vehicle does strike him as a bit queer.
Perhaps this is like the Poison Joke that Cade suffered from earlier, and only some people can see this? Best to get confirmation.]

"JENNNNNNY?" He calls back to the house. "Is it just me, or is there an ugly naked man on our car?"

Re: (possibly a joint post)

[voiceofauthority]

[Jenny had been getting ready for another round of exploration when she heard Cade scream for her. Clearly he'd caused some sort of trouble again.

Shouldering her riffle she made her way to the door.]

Yes, there is a naked man sprawled out on your car.

[Honestly, being here there seemed to be more naked men lounging around then she'd had to deal with in a year.]

Hose it down and call it a day.

A

[atailoftwoworlds]

[Zidane opened his bedroom window and glanced out to see what the hell the noise was.]

Geez! What the...?"

[W-wow, there was a man arguing with his mailbox. A drunk and naked man.....hang on, was that not that obnoxious 'hero' guy who laughed at him for being a boy scout a few weeks ago?]

[hisnameisthecaptain]

[One and the same.

This time he has taken the good fight to the mailbox.

He throws his bottle at it, misses and ends up destroying the car door across the street with the force of the impact.]

C

[icyidol]

...Captain?

[What are you doing in her bathroom? Do you realize that the water's still running, and she can freeze you over at any time?]

[hisnameisthecaptain]

[He is not totally aware of his situation.

He does start to wake up.]

Whamble fugg?

[Yep, that's her toothbrush sticking out of his mouth.

He has yet to realize that he is lacking modesty as well.]

A

[atent_dead]

[Granny is sober and annoyed. Also, carrying her broom.]

Just what do ye think yer doin'?

[hisnameisthecaptain]

[Glances at the old woman.]

I'm just going to teach this here guy a lesson in manners.

[Pointing, accusingly, at the tree.]

B

[glowing_skye]

...

[Oh, what the actual hell.]

What do you think you're doing?!

[hisnameisthecaptain]

Wha...

Wait, what are you doing in my kitchen?

[Behind him, on the stove, a grease fire starts.]

A

[kingofhero]

[So the drone children came inside, both crying.

Keith is just going to stand on the porch watching for a few minutes while he makes sense of The Captain arguing with a few potted plants.

He wondered what they'd done to offend him.]

[hisnameisthecaptain]

[It must have been terrible, because he is pissed.]

Don't you look at me like that!

c

[best_weapon_ever]

[Being the early riser of the house, she's the first to find him in the bathroom, and her first reaction is to scream and throw the towels she was going to use after her shower onto him.]

[Once, she's gotten the initial surprise out of her system, she sighs.]

Captain?

[hisnameisthecaptain]

[The screaming wakes him up, he flails around in the tube, unable to get untangled from the shower curtain.]

☠☠☠☠, what? ☠☠☠☠!

A

[vedaandme]

I do not know what the mailbox has done to wrong you, but it would be appreciated if you could take this argument elsewhere.

[The yelling was keeping him awake.]

[hisnameisthecaptain]

First it's going to apologize!

[Not quieting down one bit.]