9th Fifth - Warm Weather Brings Out The Best In Us

[hisnameisthecaptain]

[Guess what Mayfield? The Captain is drunk, he's had a great morning, and he's naked!

That's right. The alcoholic super hero has gone a bit over board. But still! It gets better!

He may even end up in your house! That's right! Your house!

He's super powered and super naked. You can catch him doing one of the following.]

A)
[He's outside picking a fight with your car/tree/mailbox/dog.

It's a heated argument, he seems to be losing. He is swinging a mostly empty bottle of liquor around.

There's a lot of shouting, but it hasn't gotten violent. Yet.]

B)
[In your kitchen, rummaging around for alcohol or food. He's made a mess of things too.

Your fridge is open, your meats are cooking on the stove with OJ marinade and your milk is spilled all over the floor.]

C)
[In your bathroom, passed out in your shower.

The shower curtain has been torn town and the water is still running on him.

Wait, is that your toothbrush sticking out of his mouth?]

D)
[In your bed. Yes, your bed!

Maybe sprawled out on top of you, or maybe having a naked cuddle. Is he big spoon or small spoon?]

E)
[You got lucky, he never made it inside and he didn't destroy your yard.

Instead he passed out on your lawn, on your driveway or even on your car.]

Comments

[hisnameisthecaptain]

Then get out of my yard and I'll go get my pants.

[chalicejoker]

...this is my yard.

[And now Hajime's irritated again. His body language has become decidedly more aggressive. Sadly, fighting is his solution to many of life's problems.]

And you have two choices: you can leave now, or I can make you leave. It will not be pleasant.

[hisnameisthecaptain]

You're ☠☠☠☠ with me?

I'm not an alien, don't power rangers fight aliens?

[chalicejoker]

I fight whoever and whatever I please.

[Resisting urge to punch drunken naked man...]

And I am a Kamen Rider.

[hisnameisthecaptain]

That's a good way to get hurt.

[Now drunk naked man is getting belligerent. Sadly, he is not really all that good at fighting, even sober.]

A common rider? You don't look all that common.

[chalicejoker]

I never said I cared about getting hurt...and it's usually those who annoy me that need to worry about that.

[Oh, you're getting belligerent, drunk man? Go on, give him an excuse to punch you. He's barely restraining himself now.]

K-A-M-E-N. I wear a mask.

[hisnameisthecaptain]

Just what this town needs, another tough guy who doesn't get the point.

[Still not getting it.]

Like the islands?

[chalicejoker]

Oh, I get the point, all right.

[If Hajime were a facepalming type, he'd be facepalming quite hard right now. As it is, he's just sort of staring like he's trying to comprehend things.]

No.

...why am I even still talking to you? Get out of here!

[Hands are balled into fists now. If you're cool with it, he'll take a swing at The Captain.]

[hisnameisthecaptain]

[Too drunk to react before being hit.

The blow sends him sprawling into the grass.]

[chalicejoker]

[Now that he's punched an unarmed naked drunk man while transformed like that, Hajime realizes that this is probably not the proudest moment of his life.

...but he does feel a lot better. The guy was asking for it.

Still, Hajime goes over and starts prodding The Captain in the side with his foot. Better make sure the human's alive and all that.]

[hisnameisthecaptain]

[He rolls over and slowly sits up. No bruise, but he is still holding the side of his face.]

Ow... ☠☠☠☠. I am going to make you regret that.

[chalicejoker]

[Hey, he didn't kill the guy, but holy cow, this dude handled a punch from Chalice way more easily than Hajime would have ever expected. His body language suggests he's ready for any attacks The Captain might throw at him.]

I'd like to see you try.

[Exercising caution in situations like this has never been Hajime's strong suit, sadly.]

[hisnameisthecaptain]

[The Captain, for his part, decided he was going to try thowing punches. Large, telegraphed, hook punches.

The Captain iss drunk, though, and would be lucky to hit Hajime if he was standing still, let alone if he just sorta steps aside.]

[chalicejoker]

[Hajime easily sidesteps this attack.]

That was pathetic.

[And now he's closing in with a quick jab of his own.]

[hisnameisthecaptain]

[The Captain doesn't seem good at avoiding... well anything.

That punch.

The dirt when he trips and lands face first.

This time, instead of pushing up, he floats up. Using his power to fly.]

[chalicejoker]

[...flying naked man. Well, now Hajime's seen everything.]


...what are you?

[hisnameisthecaptain]

I'm a super hero.

And you just pissed me off.

[A very ineffective super hero. He lands by a tree, grabs it, and with a grunt, uproots it.]

[chalicejoker]

[Well, the tree uprooting and all probably explains why he was handling Chalice's punches so well...Hajime's posture has shifted to more of a guarded one. He's strong, but not strong enough to run around uprooting trees like that.]

I've angered worse.

[He's flashing back to fighting the Elephant Undead as he gauges his options now...that fight wasn't one of his best, and he's weaponless this time around. And the Elephant Undead couldn't fly.

This is going to get messy, isn't it?]

[hisnameisthecaptain]

[He's lucky, even with a tree The Captain lacks control.

He lifts the tree high and brings it down hard enough to splinter the trunk with the impact on the ground. With a few steps to the side, Chalice could get away from it.

If he doesn't, a tree is being broken over him.]

[chalicejoker]

[Combat reflexes kick in and Chalice is diving and rolling out of the way of that tree.

This still isn't good--they're in a residential area, and quick to pick a fight though he may be, Hajime's not too keen on accidentally trashing one of the neighbor's houses...or, more importantly, his. So he'll start to run down the street, hoping to lure the Captain to the park or some other empty area. He's starting out kind of slow, just to make sure The Captain can keep up. And he will call out taunts as he goes, just to make sure he keeps The Captain's attention.]

That was pathetic! Absolutely pathetic!

[But look, his back is turned to you while he's running. He is completely vulnerable to be hit by something.]

[hisnameisthecaptain]

[What is collateral damage?]

Hey, get the ☠☠☠☠ back here!

[Chalice now has a low flying, naked, super hero following after.

He might be able to fly at high speeds but he's far from capable of controlling that at the moment.

He left the tree behind, as well.]

[chalicejoker]

You'll have to make me!

[Yep, just going to keep running towards the park and hoping he can lead the angry superpowered naked man somewhere he can't cause too much damage. Really wishing he had his motorcycle now...

But hey, at least The Captain ditched the tree. That's progress!]

[hisnameisthecaptain]

[Even without being fast, he's able to keep ahead of The Captain who can't fly straight to save his life.

Once in the park, he even smacks into a tree and then hits the ground rolling onto his back on the dirt.]

Ow... ☠☠☠☠... ow.

[chalicejoker]

[Success! They're out of the residential areas of town! Hajime has to wonder who witnessed that chase. It can't have been a pretty sight.

He's now cautiously approaching the fallen Captain.]

You ready to give it a rest?

[hisnameisthecaptain]

I'm still mad at you... but... yeah.

I'm tired of chasing you.