mayfield_rpg | 9th Fifth - Warm Weather Brings Out The Best In Us

[Guess what Mayfield? The Captain is drunk, he's had a great morning, and he's naked!

That's right. The alcoholic super hero has gone a bit over board. But still! It gets better!

He may even end up in your house! That's right! Your house!

He's super powered and super naked. You can catch him doing one of the following.]

A)
[He's outside picking a fight with your car/tree/mailbox/dog.

It's a heated argument, he seems to be losing. He is swinging a mostly empty bottle of liquor around.

There's a lot of shouting, but it hasn't gotten violent. Yet.]

B)
[In your kitchen, rummaging around for alcohol or food. He's made a mess of things too.

Your fridge is open, your meats are cooking on the stove with OJ marinade and your milk is spilled all over the floor.]

C)
[In your bathroom, passed out in your shower.

The shower curtain has been torn town and the water is still running on him.

Wait, is that your toothbrush sticking out of his mouth?]

D)
[In your bed. Yes, your bed!

Maybe sprawled out on top of you, or maybe having a naked cuddle. Is he big spoon or small spoon?]

E)
[You got lucky, he never made it inside and he didn't destroy your yard.

Instead he passed out on your lawn, on your driveway or even on your car.]

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[Gilgamesh, instead of doing something sensible like screaming or waking the man up, decides instead to paint on the man's face. With special "paint" made from a cocktail of sauces and cheap beer.]

[So he more or less covers the Captain's body in memorable lines from movies like "Luke, I am your Father!".]

[Let's hope the Captain doesn't wake up in the middle of this.]

[Ken winces when he hears a familiar voice. Please don't let him be....

He is. Well damn.]

Cap, what the hell are you doing! [It's all facepalms at this point.]

[Poke]

Mister, are you aware of where you are?

[Well the smell of food is nice but there is an angry baby lion wondering what you're doing here. So Simba will just flatten his ears and puff out his chest trying to look as intimidating as he can.]

Hey! What are you doing in my house?

Wha...?

[He is going to try to pull the shower curtain over his head.]

I don't want to wake up.

[Probably not. And his body is Gilgamesh's canvas.

The Captain makes for one ugly canvas.]

This guy's a jerk.

[Waving his bottle at a tree.]

He's gonna apologize or else...

[Wow, it's a pretty nice day. Sun is shining, birds are chirping, baby chocobo is in good spirits... What could go wro-Sazh nearly spits out some coffee he was drinking when he happens to glance out the window.

Oh. There's a naked man fighting the mailbox. There's a sigh as he goes to get a towel for the drunk on his front yard, before setting foot outside.]

Uh, I don't think you're going to win this battle. [Holding the towel out cautiously and just...Geeze. Even the baby chocobo in his fro is having none of this and is thus far refusing to emerge like it usually does.]

[After he's done, Gilgamesh steps around to survey his handiwork. It looks magnificently ugly.]

[...And why stop there? He runs into the closet to grab a few of Oichi's dresses.]

[This was gonna be good.]

Holy ☠☠☠☠, at talking cat!

But this isn't your house.

[Badou stirs slightly in his sleep. The smell of booze and general ick reaching his thought processes first. Jesus fucking christ, did he stay out too late at a show again? Then he remembers he's in Mayfield. He cracks his one good eye open. He can't recall being on a bender recen-Wait. No.

oh.my.god.

There is a hideous naked man spooning him drunkenly. Naked man he knows could probably snap him like a twig. WHAT DO.]

I bet I could take him.

[He points at the mail box as if saying it's time is coming.

Ignoring the towel.]

[This naked man just stirs and buries his face into Bandou's neck.

Nope, not waking up. He had a rough night.]

[This is going to end messily.]

[He blinks his eyes open at that. Water splashing on him.

Stares.]

It's not?

[Done!]

[The Captain has now been stuffed into Oichi's dress. It's smeared around some of his body paint, but at least the stuff on his face is intact.]

[Too bad they don't have a wheelchair. Or Gilgamesh could have played Weekend at Bernies' with him.]

[As it is, he has to settle for grabbing two pans and banging them loudly next to the sleeper's ear.]

Wakey, wakey, Sleeping Beauty.

No, this is currently the house of me, Miss Tohsaka, and the other two people living here. Why are you here?

[FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK NO There will be no nuzzling into necks because it is creepy and disgusting under these circumstances.

Okay. Strategy number one. And by strategy, it means "thing Badou thought of doing right this very second".

Badou, very slowly and very carefully tries to wriggle away from The Captain.

He tries not to think about what he's touching in his bid for freedom.]

[ Once is happenstance, twice is coming dangerously close to tradition. However, Ilsa knows The Captain a little better this year. She kneels next to him in the driveway, balanced to jump out of the way if needed. ]

Captain, hon - where'd you leave your clothes this time?

Edited 2012-05-01 03:04 (UTC)

[Sazh tells himself to think about it as if he's a train conductor again, dealing with rowdy passengers. Granted he never really had to deal with buck naked passengers, but there's a first for everything.]

I bet you could. But for now, I think you might want to take a seat and take a breather. See, even got a towel here and everything.

[This is the second random naked man Hajime has encountered in the past two weeks. He is not amused, and he storms outside to get this random naked man, who seems to have some issue with the tree out in the yard, to leave.]

Hey! Get out of here!

[As Hajime speaks, a silver belt is appearing around his waist. He's also holding what appears to be a playing card in one hand, ready to transform in the event he needs to frighten the drunk away. The world's most patient and understanding Kamen Rider, he is not. He also has no idea The Captain just may be able to hit harder than he can.]

[ ... are you trying to pick a fight with my bff penguin bodyguard 8( ]

[Cade waltzes out to his Pontiac Fury in the morning, and finds a naked Captain lying spread eagle on the hood. Cade is not normally phased by nakedness, but the fact that he is spread out on his vehicle does strike him as a bit queer.
Perhaps this is like the Poison Joke that Cade suffered from earlier, and only some people can see this? Best to get confirmation.]

"JENNNNNNY?" He calls back to the house. "Is it just me, or is there an ugly naked man on our car?"

Edited 2012-05-01 02:26 (UTC)

[Jenny had been getting ready for another round of exploration when she heard Cade scream for her. Clearly he'd caused some sort of trouble again.

Shouldering her riffle she made her way to the door.]

Yes, there is a naked man sprawled out on your car.

[Honestly, being here there seemed to be more naked men lounging around then she'd had to deal with in a year.]

Hose it down and call it a day.

Edited 2012-05-01 03:20 (UTC)

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9th Fifth - Warm Weather Brings Out The Best In Us

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