Drink Count: 17 || New World, New Home

[eyesofaserpent]

[Forward dated to January 16.]


A. [Action: 852 Goldberg Street, ridiculous o'clock]

[The alarm klaxons jarred Crowley out of a comfortable sleep. The demon sat bolt upright and blinked his yellow snake eyes blearily. It took him a minute to realize that something was off about the room he was in. The shadow of the tree outside wasn't quite right. The wallpaper was different. His "wife" didn't look the same.

His wife didn't look the same.

He jumped out of the bed, blessing under his breath.]

Bollocks.


B. [Action: 852 Goldberg Street, later morning]

[He checked to make sure his Bentley was in the garage. It was. He also found his puppy and all her accessories in exactly the same places they had been in 915 Bilko Boulevard, only in this new house. How strange.

Crowley was dressed in a smart black suit and red shirt that had once been scratchy slacks and a hideous jumper. He was also, of course, wearing his snakeskin shoes and sunglasses. He sat at the kitchen table, drinking a poor excuse for a cup of coffee. He was going to have to go shopping.]


C. [Action: 915 Bilko Boulevard, around noon]

[He can't stop himself for wanting to check on Kyon. He couldn't leave the poor boy alone without at least checking to see if he was alright, right? He drives on over and parks in the driveway. The demon strides into the house as if he lives there. Which he did up until this morning.]

Kyon? Are you in here, kid?


D. [Action: Olney's Tavern, late afternoon]

[Crowley's looking a bit irritable behind the bar. What the hell is with this town?]

What'll you have?


E. [Phone: Locked to Aziraphale]

[Crowley's just a little on edge when he's able to get to the back of the tavern to make his phone call to Aziraphale. He paces as far as the phone cord will let him and he's hissing a bit.]

Pick up. Pickuppickuppickup! Bloody hell Angel, this is not the time to neglect your bloody phone!

Comments

[eyesofaserpent]

You too, huh? Bloody obnoxious this day has been.

[kingofshadows]

What's that? I can't hear you over the sounds of the excruciating pain every syllable brings to my auditory senses.

I suppose short of drugs, something with high alcoholic content will do.

[eyesofaserpent]

[He nods and mixes him a Long Island Iced Tea, making it as potent as possible. He sets it in front of Grimsley. This was one of those times he wished he had full use of his powers.]

[kingofshadows]

[Down the hatch it goes. ...At a leisurely pace.]

Oh, Crowley. Do demons go in for Christmas celebrations?

[eyesofaserpent]

Maybe not demons in general, but this one in particular likes the commercialism that centers around that time of you. Do you know in America, every year on black Friday people either get trampled to death or shot just because they want these deals that are only available that day? It's mad.

[kingofshadows]

How perfectly demonic.

I can't say the logic of the practice makes much sense to me... Did you have a hand in this somehow?

[eyesofaserpent]

Surprisingly, no. I don't do much work in America. They came up with that on their own.

[kingofshadows]

Why, you'll never even be missed when you go frolicking with the angel. We're so very good at shooting ourselves in the foot.

[eyesofaserpent]

I hardly have to lift a finger. Though it is entertaining to see a bad job done well.

[kingofshadows]

[Grimsley finishes the last of his iced tea and sighs.]

It's almost as if we really are a terribly sinful race.

...Now you would know, Crowley. Is all of that stuff we hear about in church on Sundays actually true? In your world, at least.

[eyesofaserpent]

Which parts are you specifically referring to? They tell you a lot in church on Sundays.

[kingofshadows]

The parts about your home, I suppose. Hellfire and all of that.

[eyesofaserpent]

Pretty much. It's quite exciting down below. [A little too exciting.]

[kingofshadows]

Millions of souls in perpetual torment wailing in agony?

[eyesofaserpent]

They're there for a reason.

[kingofshadows]

And that would be...?

[eyesofaserpent]

The reason varies from case to case. But you can be assured they did more bad than good in their lives.

[kingofshadows]

More bad than good...

[He cups his empty glass and glances into it for a moment or two as if expecting more.]

Hm. Lucky for me we don't have one of those exciting places. I rather think I'd fall on the wrong side of that scale.

[eyesofaserpent]

[He watches him carefully for a moment.]

Regretting your life choices?

[kingofshadows]

Not at all.

There's an inordinate number of chances to do bad, you see. You can always do something bad. ...Our conversation. I could chat you up quite nicely and pay and tip you for the company, or I could wait until your back was turned and stiff you the bill. That isn't good against bad, it's merely... neutral against bad. There doesn't seem to be much in the way of spontaneous good. Hugging you would simply be awkward, and I believe showing any greater sign of affection past a hug would have me immediately condemned to hell by the tenets of your religion.

You have to wait for someone to be on the verge of being run over by a car to earn any real points towards good. Doing what you're supposed to do simply doesn't cut it. And so, the bad piles up - telling lies, being ill-tempered, cutting in line. And the good simply doesn't.

...That's hypothetical, of course; I've spent my life making a fortune robbing fools blind in casinos, so I expect there's something of a more substantial bad there.

[eyesofaserpent]

Well, it's not up to us to decide your final resting place. And you never know. The little things both bad and good add up. And certain sins outweigh others.

And despite what organized religion likes to say about it, from what I can tell He doesn't give a flying fart about sexuality.

[kingofshadows]

A demon reassuring me of the good in my heart... I'm not sure how I ought to feel about that, but I suppose you'd know best.

And charming. I no longer have to worry about something I've never worried about in my life. Any similar thoughts on gambling?

[eyesofaserpent]

{He shrugs.]

Generally it's bloody stupid. It's a very low-end sin.

[kingofshadows]

And suddenly, my life is as carefree as a little girl's.

Or perhaps you're only saying this to encourage me towards future of acts of great evil? I should never know. It would be delightfully diabolical and when I get sent to hell even despite not having one, I should be very upset at you.

[Grimsley sags a little in his seat and sighs mournfully. ...It seems he had been drinking already prior to coming to the bar. Wine all day to drown out the sound of the alarms.]

[eyesofaserpent]

I'll make sure to come visit you. I'll bring a bottle of scotch when I do.