Drink Count: 17 || New World, New Home

[eyesofaserpent]

[Forward dated to January 16.]


A. [Action: 852 Goldberg Street, ridiculous o'clock]

[The alarm klaxons jarred Crowley out of a comfortable sleep. The demon sat bolt upright and blinked his yellow snake eyes blearily. It took him a minute to realize that something was off about the room he was in. The shadow of the tree outside wasn't quite right. The wallpaper was different. His "wife" didn't look the same.

His wife didn't look the same.

He jumped out of the bed, blessing under his breath.]

Bollocks.


B. [Action: 852 Goldberg Street, later morning]

[He checked to make sure his Bentley was in the garage. It was. He also found his puppy and all her accessories in exactly the same places they had been in 915 Bilko Boulevard, only in this new house. How strange.

Crowley was dressed in a smart black suit and red shirt that had once been scratchy slacks and a hideous jumper. He was also, of course, wearing his snakeskin shoes and sunglasses. He sat at the kitchen table, drinking a poor excuse for a cup of coffee. He was going to have to go shopping.]


C. [Action: 915 Bilko Boulevard, around noon]

[He can't stop himself for wanting to check on Kyon. He couldn't leave the poor boy alone without at least checking to see if he was alright, right? He drives on over and parks in the driveway. The demon strides into the house as if he lives there. Which he did up until this morning.]

Kyon? Are you in here, kid?


D. [Action: Olney's Tavern, late afternoon]

[Crowley's looking a bit irritable behind the bar. What the hell is with this town?]

What'll you have?


E. [Phone: Locked to Aziraphale]

[Crowley's just a little on edge when he's able to get to the back of the tavern to make his phone call to Aziraphale. He paces as far as the phone cord will let him and he's hissing a bit.]

Pick up. Pickuppickuppickup! Bloody hell Angel, this is not the time to neglect your bloody phone!

Comments

[eyesofaserpent]

[He watches him carefully for a moment.]

Regretting your life choices?

[kingofshadows]

Not at all.

There's an inordinate number of chances to do bad, you see. You can always do something bad. ...Our conversation. I could chat you up quite nicely and pay and tip you for the company, or I could wait until your back was turned and stiff you the bill. That isn't good against bad, it's merely... neutral against bad. There doesn't seem to be much in the way of spontaneous good. Hugging you would simply be awkward, and I believe showing any greater sign of affection past a hug would have me immediately condemned to hell by the tenets of your religion.

You have to wait for someone to be on the verge of being run over by a car to earn any real points towards good. Doing what you're supposed to do simply doesn't cut it. And so, the bad piles up - telling lies, being ill-tempered, cutting in line. And the good simply doesn't.

...That's hypothetical, of course; I've spent my life making a fortune robbing fools blind in casinos, so I expect there's something of a more substantial bad there.

[eyesofaserpent]

Well, it's not up to us to decide your final resting place. And you never know. The little things both bad and good add up. And certain sins outweigh others.

And despite what organized religion likes to say about it, from what I can tell He doesn't give a flying fart about sexuality.

[kingofshadows]

A demon reassuring me of the good in my heart... I'm not sure how I ought to feel about that, but I suppose you'd know best.

And charming. I no longer have to worry about something I've never worried about in my life. Any similar thoughts on gambling?

[eyesofaserpent]

{He shrugs.]

Generally it's bloody stupid. It's a very low-end sin.

[kingofshadows]

And suddenly, my life is as carefree as a little girl's.

Or perhaps you're only saying this to encourage me towards future of acts of great evil? I should never know. It would be delightfully diabolical and when I get sent to hell even despite not having one, I should be very upset at you.

[Grimsley sags a little in his seat and sighs mournfully. ...It seems he had been drinking already prior to coming to the bar. Wine all day to drown out the sound of the alarms.]

[eyesofaserpent]

I'll make sure to come visit you. I'll bring a bottle of scotch when I do.

[kingofshadows]

Ah! Gambling and alcoholism, my two favorite vices. Truly, you are my most faithful friend.

[eyesofaserpent]

Maybe I'll even sneak you out. Surely they wouldn't miss you.

[kingofshadows]

Could I get a new body? I've always wanted to try blond hair and surfing, maybe a bit of tanning. It's terrible having to brood in my study all day pretending to be a vampire; vitamin D deficiencies like you wouldn't believe.

[eyesofaserpent]

That might be pushing it. They're pretty awful about handing out bodies Below. Though I suppose you could possess someone.

[kingofshadows]

I'd rather not have a disembodied voice constantly pestering me about returning his body. I'll just have to haunt you. Pick up some chains to rattle. Take moaning lessons.

[eyesofaserpent]

You think that would scare me? I can always bring you back down to Hell.

[kingofshadows]

I changed my mind. You're a terrible friend.

Here, you should try to make up for it.

[He pushes his glass back in Crowley's direction.]

[eyesofaserpent]

Any specific requests?

[kingofshadows]

Oh.

Whatever makes me wake up tomorrow morning with the worst headache.

You know how it is.

[eyesofaserpent]

[He mixes up a zombie and sets it down on the counter.]

We'll get you that hangover, mate.

[kingofshadows]

Do you ever get those? Can you wave your hands and make it go away? I'd be madly jealous.

[Down it goes.]

[eyesofaserpent]

Normally, yes. Here, not so much. I'm learning to not drink as much as I like.

[kingofshadows]

[Grimsley fishes in his pockets and comes up with some coins.]

Make one of those for yourself. I'd hate to deprive you of the experience; apart from which, you're really quite good at this.

[eyesofaserpent]

Oh, I usually get plenty do drink here.

[Still he mixes himself up a complicated drink that involves gin, egg white, fresh citrus juice, and some other ingredients. He starts to shake it and doesn't stop.]

And don't worry about the money, mate. One of these drones is going to foot your bill.

[kingofshadows]

Oh. How thoughtful. I've never thought to make friends with any; I just stopped being very good at playing pretend after the age of six.

.........You're going to say you do mind control, aren't you?

[eyesofaserpent]

[He lets out a bark of laughter, still shaking away.]

No, I add it to their tabs. They never notice.

[kingofshadows]

Ah.

Hm. Not quite as interesting. I was actually hoping you'd say 'yes'. I pretend to be uninterested by you, you know, so I don't look quite as stupid being excited about these things.

Were you going to drink that or are you waiting to spray it in my face?

[eyesofaserpent]

Well, if I had full use of my powers I could use mind control,but Mayfield hasn't seen fit to give that back to me.

[He snorts and sets the shaker down, breaking the seal. He then pours it into a glass filled with ice and tops it off with soda water.]

Hardly. It's a Ramos Gin Fizz.