freestyle rap-off: first verse

[wheremakingthishapen]

|action|

[Dave wakes from what feels like a particularly refreshing nap, the first one he's had in days... which surprises him, because they're usually filled with horrible monsters his sister would describe as eldrish? eelrelish? Some obscure five-dollar word she's always using in her conversations with him. Whatever the case, it's the first indication that he's not where he's supposed to be, which was on a meteor rocketting through the Furthest Ring at nearly the speed of light. The second is the fact that he's actually on a bed, and a comfy one at that, not a pile of disturbingly decapitated plush dragons. Instinctivelly, he reaches out for his shades... but they're nowhere to be found. That's the last straw, he thinks to himself; paradox space has fucked with me for the last time. He hops out of bed and throws open the curtains, flooding the unfamiliar room with light. Pictures of individuals he's never met line the walls, their poses indicating that they've known each other for quite some time.

Maybe one of his friends is around somewhere, one of the smarter ones that seem to be blessed with knowledge a cool kid like him is insultingly denied almost all the time. He makes his way down the hallway - how does he know his way around the house already? - and finds the phone. Somehow he knows what to do; he guesses it could be some more time shenanigans (isn't it always), but in the back of his mind he's pretty sure it's something worse.]

|phone|

Uh, hey. Rose, you out there? John? Jade? Karkat? Terezi? Hell, I'll even take the murder troll and the glowy one whose name I can't remember right now, no offense. Um, what the hell happened? Is this the new session already? It doesn't feel like it. Plus I can't find my circus pjs; don't get me wrong, they were goofy as shit, but I'm starting to miss them. It's like they were my captor and I've got Stockholm Syndrome for them: "Oh man I should make fun of you because you look like shitty cosplay but for some reason I want you all over my body like two people getting their grinds on". Except not that graphic 'cuz doing it with clothes is probably illegal here.

Anyway get back to me. Later.

Comments

[busy_fists]

[Huh. There's a familiar voice. Sounds like he doesn't remember anything, though.]

Dave? It's Mr. Egbert - John's dad. You probably don't remember me, but if you'd like to come over, we can talk about this over a slice of cake.

[wheremakingthishapen]

[Who's this dou... oh wait, Dave suddenly recognizes the person on the other line.]

Oh, hey, Mr. Egbert. Yeah, I remember you; John used to ramble about you all the time. What's your address? I'll be on over in a few.

[busy_fists]

311 Miller Street. Rose and her mom live here too, but Rose doesn't come out of her room much these days, so you may not get to see her.

[pinkscarflady]

Welcome back, Dave.

[She's actually kind of relieved. She liked Dave and was sad to see him go.]

[wheremakingthishapen]

[Huh. Sounds a touch like Rose, but he knows Rose's voice, and this isn't her. Not completely? Bluh bluh.]

Back? I think I'd know if I'd ever been in some 50s-era suburbia. Maybe one of the doomed Daves somehow flicked the wrong switch on his time tables and ended up in Perfectville, USA. That's how most of them die, you know, they scratch the record wrong and instead of producing some sick beats, they get booed out of the club and tossed out on their felt-wearing asses right into a pre-rap timeline.

phone

[foretaste]

...Coolkid?

[Terezi speaks hesitantly, as though disbelieving.] Is that you?

Re: phone

[wheremakingthishapen]

[Oh man, it's her. He's not sure if he's up for her flirty/psychotic attitude right now, but what the hell, maybe she's got some more answers for him.]

Hey, you. I don't see any other cool kids around here - not that I've explored much, but really, I can't imagine anyone in this McCarthy-era universe being cooler than me. Except maybe another me from the future, who'd have my coolness plus the coolness of doing his own thing. So was I right? Is this the new session?

phone;

[cullscuttlefish]

Oh, hey, Dave! You must be regular flavor Dave because orange Dave is already here. He's a bird, though. Anyway, Jade and Karkat live in the same house and Terezi and John are here, too!

Right. This is Feferi! I am excited that you are back. I think Jade has reely missed you!

Re: phone;

[wheremakingthishapen]

Feferi?

Oh man, what? Karkat showed me your body; you're alive now? Or am I dead and this is a dream bubble after all?

Also you're the second person to say "welcome back". Just how many Daves have been here? Aside from Bird Dave, who's me but not really me, I guess he's his own thing since he fused with my kernelsprite. Someone's gonna have to give me the 411 on what those other Daves have been doing; clearly not being in control of my mad time skills (imagine that being spelled with a zee at the end for added cool factor) has made a mess of things.

phone;

[autosmuppet]

[ Oh. So the kid made it back.

He could qualify that as not bad. ]

Shit son, now you've got me all interested in circus pjs.

Re: phone;

[wheremakingthishapen]

[Another somewhat familiar voice. It feels like it's been so long, but... could it...]

...this sounds like Bro. If it is, then a. what the hell, and b. what the hell. Also c. the circus pjs were the shit. Sorta. At least they were the best of the ones I'd seen so far. If a guy had to be forced to wear a ridiculous getup to signfy how many levels he gained in a game, let's just say there were way worse goofy outfits to choose from.

[noluckduck]

Oh, shit. 'Kay, first of all, you're gonna have to tell me which of them is the murder troll.

[wheremakingthishapen]

It's the Juggalo one. He's got his face all scratched up and covered in clown paint, and he's capable of having some of the best rap-offs in paradox space.

Shit, now I've got a hankering for some good-old-fashioned freestyle up in here.

[echidna]

[ Oh no. Again? Jade's felt like so many Daves have come and gone, she doesn't even think she should let herself get happy that he's back-- he might just end up gone again. ]

Dave?

[wheremakingthishapen]

Whoa, Jade, is that you? Are you guys OK? Rose is incomunicato and I haven't heard back from John. Did you come from your little battleship with bird-me? I've been in touch with guys from our universe that should be dead, but aren't, and there are even trolls I've never met convincing me this isn't a dream bubble.

Phone

[cawtier]

[Guess what sounds like talkin' into a verbal mirror?]

Awwwwwwwwww fuck they hit your reset button. TIME TO EXPLAIN SHIT ALL OVER AGAIN, YEAH.

Re: Phone

[wheremakingthishapen]

Shit, for all I know those were doomed Daves. Or I'm a doomed Dave, as Rose's mom not-to-subtly suggested. I thought you'd be used to telling shit all over again to random Daves popping up left and right. We're all about being the google to any old Dave that pops in out of the time stream and is all "alright I'm too lazy to find out on my own hook me up but don't make a paradox 'cuz that would destroy the universe ok mcfly?"

[miraculls]

[well, he had been about to possibly maybe be useful, but now he has been distracted by:] Circus PJs? Whoooooooooooa, this being another motherfucker of the mirthful cult I am all hearing here?

[wheremakingthishapen]

Mirthful cult? The hell? I don't know shit abo... oh man, is this who I think it is? You're the crazy Juggalo troll, am I right? But you sound fucked up... are you drunk or something?

[con_heir]

Well look who finally decided to show up! Geez Dave, way to go and leave me hanging for weeks. Rude.

[wheremakingthishapen]

Oh yeah, blame me instead of this crazy-ass world that likes making immortals out of everyone and trying to kill them at every chance they get. I'm totally at fault for doing the apparently impossible and escaping this fucking Howdy Doody world.

...that's what I would say if I had any memory of this place. Peeps keep insisting I ran off somewhere when the last thing I remember was some stuff that happened after the Scratch.

phone

[adventuretime]

Sheesh! You sure do run on your own time sometimes! I guess I'm not surprised you'd come back though.

I bet everyone will be happy to know you're here again. Where are you on the timeline? It would be awkward if you were really far back. It's Aradia! I hope you remember me.

[private]

[wheremakingthishapen]

Alright, awesome, finally someone from my time. Switching to private mode so I don't piss anyone else off with more future talk.

Yeah, I remember you. We met after Rose and I went all God Tier at the Green Sun, yeah? Last thing I remember you and the half-ghost dude sent us off to the new session.

phone;

[artisticull]

What the motherfuck you on about, you crazy fuckin' feathered miracle bird?

[ My, that vernacular probably sounds familiar! And also much, much more like the very stuff of nightmares. ]

Re: phone;

[wheremakingthishapen]

Whoa dude, the hell happened to you? You sound decidedly LESS drunk now, like you suddenly got a shot of caffeine in your system, stomped out the mellow troll I know, and replaced him with a cross between the Joker and one of those crazy fucks right out of Rose's books. [There's a touch of fear in Dave's voice, tempered with a bit of confusion as to the apparent 180 or so degree change in what he thinks is Gamzee's attitude]