mayfield_rpg | freestyle rap-off: first verse

|action|

[Dave wakes from what feels like a particularly refreshing nap, the first one he's had in days... which surprises him, because they're usually filled with horrible monsters his sister would describe as eldrish? eelrelish? Some obscure five-dollar word she's always using in her conversations with him. Whatever the case, it's the first indication that he's not where he's supposed to be, which was on a meteor rocketting through the Furthest Ring at nearly the speed of light. The second is the fact that he's actually on a bed, and a comfy one at that, not a pile of disturbingly decapitated plush dragons. Instinctivelly, he reaches out for his shades... but they're nowhere to be found. That's the last straw, he thinks to himself; paradox space has fucked with me for the last time. He hops out of bed and throws open the curtains, flooding the unfamiliar room with light. Pictures of individuals he's never met line the walls, their poses indicating that they've known each other for quite some time.

Maybe one of his friends is around somewhere, one of the smarter ones that seem to be blessed with knowledge a cool kid like him is insultingly denied almost all the time. He makes his way down the hallway - how does he know his way around the house already? - and finds the phone. Somehow he knows what to do; he guesses it could be some more time shenanigans (isn't it always), but in the back of his mind he's pretty sure it's something worse.]

|phone|

Uh, hey. Rose, you out there? John? Jade? Karkat? Terezi? Hell, I'll even take the murder troll and the glowy one whose name I can't remember right now, no offense. Um, what the hell happened? Is this the new session already? It doesn't feel like it. Plus I can't find my circus pjs; don't get me wrong, they were goofy as shit, but I'm starting to miss them. It's like they were my captor and I've got Stockholm Syndrome for them: "Oh man I should make fun of you because you look like shitty cosplay but for some reason I want you all over my body like two people getting their grinds on". Except not that graphic 'cuz doing it with clothes is probably illegal here.

Anyway get back to me. Later.

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[Dave was surprised to see Zazzer's (that's his cool nickname for Ole Beardy, which was his older nickname for that guy) statue sitting in the lawn, since he'd used it to release Rose's seizure kernel. He chalked it up to time shenanigans, though, and was fine with ignoring it as the aroma of baked goods filled his smell organ.

Seeing the harlequins and wizards dominating the house, however, creeps him out a bit. Not so much as if they were smuppet rumps and probiscuses, mind, but nevertheless, he feels their stares penetrating him. He was warned about stares, however, so he should have seen this coming.]

Uh... thanks. Love what you've done with the place?

[Dave pushes aside a large harlequin plush and takes a seat. He turns toward it suddenly, expecting it to flash-step around and try to harass him. He needs to remind himself that that's not Cal, however; it's just a creepy clown.]

[That is one thing Dave can take solace in while visiting the Egbert household. While the harlequins may be almost as creepy as Cal, none of them will ever teleport around the room, either of their own free will or motivated by Dad. Flash-stepping was thankfully not included among Colonel Sassacre's otherwise vast and impressive collection of tricks.]

Thanks. It's a bit of a joint effort between the two of us, I guess you might say. We're still working on it, but I'm happy with how everything's turning out.

[Dad sets the cake down on the table, carving off a slice for Dave and one for himself.]

Dig in. Hope you like chocolate.

[The classy lady with the pink scarf and the martini is also sliding into a seat at the table to join them.]

I'm sure you'll find the cake exquisite, considering it was made by the most skilled baker in town.

[Dave does a brief double-take at the arrival of the newcomer. The voice matches Rose's mom, and by extension his mom, so he's not shocked to note a resemblance between his sister and this scarf-wearing lady. What is up with that thing anyways? How high do you even have to BE to wear something that long?]

Hey, Ms. Lalonde. Sorry about the whole "surprise, you've got a son" routine; should have figured Rose wouldn't have mentioned anything about it before, what with her being harder to crack than Fort Knox.

[Picking up a piece of cake, Dave nods to Mr. Egbert and takes a bite. To use a cliche but apropos phrase, his taste buds take an acrobatic fucking piroutette - of joy - off the handle and right into his pleasure lobe.]

What's this about a surprise son now? Sounds like something I ought to know about.

[Dad laughs, sliding a plate with a piece of cake on it over to Mom's seat at the table before she's even fully settled.]

Just chocolate today. Didn't have time for anything too special.

How familiar are you with ectobiology? It can be a bit of a complicated subject.

[She takes a thoughtful sip of her martini.]

And it may be one better left for another time. I believe it's a more pressing concern at the moment for Dave to receive a proper explanation of his current circumstances.

[Dave nods quietly as he takes his time with the delicacy placed before him. Alchemized food has nothing on home-baked goods. Nothing.

Eventually he finishes his meal, absentmindedly wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.]

Yeah, that'd be a great place to start. We can put off talk about genetic surprises for another... time. [Dave pauses for a bit, but realizes that he cannot physically duplicate the custom sunglasses emoticon he'd normally use after such a "pun".]

So, first things first, since you guys seems to be all up ons the haps here... where exactly are we? I'm starting to think it's not related to Paradox Space like we know it, right?

If it is, I sure haven't figured out how. Haven't seen any of those little guys with the jester hats running around. So it's probably a pretty safe bet that we're somewhere else completely. How we got here, though - your guess is as good as mine at this point. What we do know is that it's called Mayfield, it brings you here without any of your personal belongings or any special powers you might've had before, and no one's found a way out. That's the basics, anyway. There's more, but maybe you'd like to pick it up from there, dear?

[Dad gestures to mom. They're gonna tag-team this explanation.]

freestyle rap-off: first verse

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