mayfield_rpg | freestyle rap-off: first verse

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[Dave wakes from what feels like a particularly refreshing nap, the first one he's had in days... which surprises him, because they're usually filled with horrible monsters his sister would describe as eldrish? eelrelish? Some obscure five-dollar word she's always using in her conversations with him. Whatever the case, it's the first indication that he's not where he's supposed to be, which was on a meteor rocketting through the Furthest Ring at nearly the speed of light. The second is the fact that he's actually on a bed, and a comfy one at that, not a pile of disturbingly decapitated plush dragons. Instinctivelly, he reaches out for his shades... but they're nowhere to be found. That's the last straw, he thinks to himself; paradox space has fucked with me for the last time. He hops out of bed and throws open the curtains, flooding the unfamiliar room with light. Pictures of individuals he's never met line the walls, their poses indicating that they've known each other for quite some time.

Maybe one of his friends is around somewhere, one of the smarter ones that seem to be blessed with knowledge a cool kid like him is insultingly denied almost all the time. He makes his way down the hallway - how does he know his way around the house already? - and finds the phone. Somehow he knows what to do; he guesses it could be some more time shenanigans (isn't it always), but in the back of his mind he's pretty sure it's something worse.]

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Uh, hey. Rose, you out there? John? Jade? Karkat? Terezi? Hell, I'll even take the murder troll and the glowy one whose name I can't remember right now, no offense. Um, what the hell happened? Is this the new session already? It doesn't feel like it. Plus I can't find my circus pjs; don't get me wrong, they were goofy as shit, but I'm starting to miss them. It's like they were my captor and I've got Stockholm Syndrome for them: "Oh man I should make fun of you because you look like shitty cosplay but for some reason I want you all over my body like two people getting their grinds on". Except not that graphic 'cuz doing it with clothes is probably illegal here.

Anyway get back to me. Later.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You guys don't have school? That might explain why killing each other seems so casual to you people. What did you do all day, aside from the aforementioned hypothetical murder academy?

School for us wouldn't be fit to survival I think. Survival of the fittest is the term you humans like to use often? We're born and raised to fit our roles, even if that means I'm nothing more then a low blooded peasant only meant for low blood jobs.

I used to excavate the ruins near my home!

Ugh, the blood thing. The troll with the horse fetish tried to talk to me about that, but I convinced him that true mastery comes from the ability to have ill rap-offs. When he tried his own hand at some lyrical poetry, the results were... well, there's just some things people don't need to share with others, and a disturbing fascination with animal junk is definitely one of them.

Ruins, huh? Like Indiana Jones? Or Troll Indiana Jones I guess? It's weird how you guys basically have like troll versions of our fictional characters and sports heroes.

Equius? He's higher on the spectrum and I guess he kind of follows it. But he still kept friendly with us, so I think that means something. He can be...a little odd at times though. [Okay, no. Equius kind of weirds her out still.]

Yes! Troll Indiana Jones. I got to dress up like him for your costume Holiday. You humans have such interesting Holidays. Do you guys have an Indiana Jones? [She must watch your movies too. Somehow.]

Yeah we got Indiana Jones. Pretty good set of movies, even the last one, even though a bunch of people didn't like it for some reason. Like, oh, it's OK that God can use his powers to kill the Nazis, but aliens are just too out there and how very dare you this isn't Star Wars and that's not Han Solo. But I will admit that Shia Lebuff (sic) has a pretty punchable face so that kind of ruined the movie a little bit.

I guess we have some pretty cool holidays. Christmas was always a good time; my Bro would get me some sweet gear every year, like my turn tables and a few ill records. Of course I was just a little dude with no way to make money so the best I could do in return was like a macaroni sculpture or a few one-of-a-kind shitty JPEG comics.

What about you guys? Any cool celebrations of random events in your world? I didn't get a chance to properly interrogate my meteor-mates before getting dumped here.

Do you think they'll have the movies here? I'd love to watch them! They sound interesting, like ours. [Troll Shia Lebuff...] I bet they'd be just as exciting as Troll Indiana Jones movies are.

We have 12th Perigrees Eve. I think it's similar to the human equivalence of Christmas! We also celebrate our Wriggling Days. Holidays aren't something we do as much I guess. [First World Problems for trolls.]

Man, if they do they'll probably be black-and-white things like Cassablanca, where there's like 90 percent talking and a single punch makes the hero out to be this total bad-ass, rebel-without-a-cause type. Look at me, I've got a scotch in my hand but I can take you down with a single hit. Actually that does sound pretty badass; you'd have to think twice before taking on some drunk, trenchcoat-wearing dude who's friends with a Frenchman and a piano-man.

Wriggling Days... oh yeah, you guys come from grubs or something, yeah? How does that work; do you make cocoons out of your conveniently-designed shirts and burst out with arms and legs and go "whoa, fuck, I can stand and scratch my ass!"

I think Karkat would like those type of movies. I'm not really a movie expert though, so maybe not. I'd love to watch these though. I've been learning all sorts of things since we've gotten here. [Not all of it exactly good...]

Hmm, kind of. But that wasn't really my first thought. After our lusus choose us, we help design our home and get help from the Imperial Drones to build it. So life is pretty busy after we leave the caverns.

Yeah, I should probably get out soon and start figuring out what the hell's going on here. Goin' into this blind really doesn't seem like a good idea.

And whoa, you get to build your own houses? That's pretty dope. If I had that chance I would've made a whole lot of changes to my crib, not the least of which would've been more accessible hallways and a bigger room for all of my sweet gear.

I can give you basic stuff! This is Mayfield. I was told it mimics your humans...1950s? I'm not sure what that meaens, but all the houses look the same and it's kind of small! Don't think the milk that gets delivered. I found spiders in mine once. Also, crazy things happen. Usually bad! [Yet she says this so happily.] Dying isn't permanent. We get our stuff back every so often, usually after something bad happens. I've been here since the human Holiday you call Halloween.

Yes! We design them ourselves and we choose where too. Kind of. Obviously, we're only privileged to certain places too, due to the hierarchy. But I did love where I lived. It was next to some great stuff.

Yeah, the ruins. Doesn't look like you'll find too many of those near your house this time. As you said, it's definitely got a 50s feel to it; I could probably rattle off a bunch of movies it reminds me of that would make no sense to you unless I described them even more detail than I'd normally get into. Karkat tried to give me a list of his ten favorite movies and I got bored half-way through the first one.

I don't really know why 50s is such an important time, but it seems really important for people here? Was there something special about this time?

Really? I don't know what movies he watches. They're usually about sordid Trollmances. I was more of the adventure genre, so I didn't really watch the movies he did.

I couldn't say either, but in movies it's always presented as this supposedly perfect time in American history concealing some pretty seedy happenings behind the scenes. So I guess it's the perfect way to hide the insanity people have been describing to me about this place.

Oh yeah, I heard him use the terms "moy-rail" and auspe... auspit... the three-way one a few times when trying to describe some of his favorites, so I guess they're filled with that confusing four-square romance system you guys have going on. I don't suppose any of your favorites were awesome in an ironic way, huh?

It's becoming obvious though. We keep hearing in on their conversations. And we recently saw the machine that brings us back after we die.

I'm not very good at the ironic thing! Perhaps John can help you. John is your best friend right? I bet he'd be a lot of help. [No, she doesn't realize how wrong she is.]

freestyle rap-off: first verse

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