Riddle 040: A Little Less Conversation...

[questionauthority]

[At some point on this seemingly ordinary Thursday afternoon, a conversation between two older men can be heard over Mayfield’s phone lines. No, it isn’t Jack Smith or the Mayor. But who could these men possibly be...?]

-- I do NOT have cobwebs--

Well, from the sound of it, you certainly don’t anymore.

I have no idea where you’re getting such horrible lies from, Nigma, if you haven’t just thought them up yourself, but they’re just that. Lies.

He actually defended you, you know. Do you mean to tell me that all those lovely things he had to say about you were lies?

And you’re just going to automatically believe-- No, of course, of course you’re going to trust the word of a textbook narcissist over mine; it’s like talking at a mirror for you two, isn’t it?

What’s the matter, Jonathan? Can’t handle it when I rustle your feathers? You had no problem rustling his.

... I am hanging up the phone, Edward. I will never be picking it up again.

I’m sure you won’t. Wait. Hang on a second. [A dramatic pause.] ...Oh dear.

... [Why is he letting his curiosity get the better of him?] What?

Well, it appears as though---in my haste to check up on you, of course---I neglected to filter the call. Must have slipped my mind.

[As good an actor as Eddie may be, there’s no hiding that shit-eating grin that’s just crept onto his face.]

... I am going to fill your veins with so much fear toxin you will never have a coherent thought ever again.

Comments

[buildstherobots]

Edward what the hell is wrong with you?!

[questionauthority]

Dist! We were just talking about you.

[phobophobia]

I am going to kill the both of you.

Just so you're aware.

[fasterthan]

...you know what? I really, really don't want to know.

[questionauthority]

Wally. So terribly sorry. This conversation should have remained private.

[And yet it didn't. Ain't he a stinker?]

[phobophobia]

You can all stop listening at any. time.

phone;

[subzero]

Do you mind not clogging up the phone lines with your chatter?

[questionauthority]

My apologies, Victor. Though I suppose, had the news reached Harley first, you would have heard about this sooner.

[phobophobia]

... If you forget this ever happened, I'll condition Edward into feeling nauseous every time he even thinks of using an ice or snow-related pun.

[he's very serious about this]

[inthebones]

Edward, stop hate-flirting with him and just go sniff more of those flowers.

[questionauthority]

[Oh god, everyone can hear this conversation except for her.]

Get off the phone, Susan! This is a private conversation.

[Except it really isn't.]

[phobophobia]

... This really is public, isn't it. [WHEN IT WAS JUST GOTHAMITES AND STUFF IT FELT LESS LIKE

NOW PEOPLE FROM OTHER DIMENSIONS ARE JUDGING HIM]

[crazyclownwoman]

Are you two fighting AGAIN!

Edward Nygma you cut that out right now!

[She's not really sure what's going on but she just bet's Edward's behind it.]

[questionauthority]

What are you yelling at me for? I said it was an accident.

[Filtered to Crane]

[questionauthority]

Ah. There we go. Much better.

You were saying?

[Filtered]

[phobophobia]

I am going to kill you.

[notmyalice]

[ nfhrhgkshgklghg edward..... ]

"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked. "Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat. "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here...."

We're all mad here, indeed.

You really can't go a day without trying to get at each other. My goodness! You are not acting like adults!

[ AS IF ANY OF THEM EVER DID they dress up in costumes and run around fighting a man dressed as a bat..........

he starts muttering about 'having to gather supplies'. ]

[questionauthority]

Jervis! As I've mentioned before, this really isn't the sort of talk that's meant for the public ear. Surely you aren't suggesting I would do something like this intentionally?

[noluckduck]

["Edward Nigma"? "Fear toxin"? Are these comic book villains arguing on the phone?! Heck, Nigma is the goddamn Riddler, isn't he?]

What the fuck did I just hear?

[questionauthority]

A very personal conversation between two old friends. So sorry you had to hear that.

[The bastard doesn't sound sorry at all.]

[catechize]

[She's just giggling into the phone. Yup, daddy won that one.]

[questionauthority]

[It's a good thing Enigma's like seven and a half and doesn't understand what on earth they're talking about. ...Right?]

Enigma...? How long have you been listening?

[strike_you_out]

[What is happening here. Is that Mr. Crane?]

...Hello?

[questionauthority]

...Slugger?

[derpaheal]

Pardon me but...what's fear toxin, exactly?

[questionauthority]

A very poorly made product. Just like its inventor.

[hintcoinplz]

[Guess who was also eavesdropping on this conversation. He was just going to listen quietly until-]

Fear toxin?

[What's that?]

[Phone] => [Action]

[questionauthority]

Luke...!

[Wow, everyone in this house is just a massive eavesdropper. I wonder where they get it from... In any case, he hangs up the phone to go look for the boy.]

[Phone]

[bravabarber]

[Cue an orchestra blaring out over the other side of the phone as Figaro sings his two cents.]

Eh hi! Mi amigo, you have set the tongues in the town waggling, that's for sure! Come, tell me, who is the star-struck couple~? It is not fair to leave us all dangling like this~♪

[Yes, he is an epic gossiper and rumor-monger.]

[questionauthority]

Oh, I wouldn't want to keep you in suspense...

[Yet that's exactly what he does. Ever the entertainer, even now.]

[have_your_lives]

And you say you're not like me.

[questionauthority]

Not entirely like you.

[sturmbahnfuhrer]

My is that how you talk to all of your friends Edward?

[questionauthority]

Why do you ask, Major? Taking notes so that one day, you might have a friend to call your own?

[Eight years old.]

[glowing_skye]

Edward.

Was that necessary?

[Girlfriend disapproves of your antics, Eddie. Also, she still has no idea that Crane tortured her while she was affected by those mushrooms. Whoops.]

[questionauthority]

Considering what he's done to us in the past? I should say so.