Riddle 040: A Little Less Conversation...

[questionauthority]

[At some point on this seemingly ordinary Thursday afternoon, a conversation between two older men can be heard over Mayfield’s phone lines. No, it isn’t Jack Smith or the Mayor. But who could these men possibly be...?]

-- I do NOT have cobwebs--

Well, from the sound of it, you certainly don’t anymore.

I have no idea where you’re getting such horrible lies from, Nigma, if you haven’t just thought them up yourself, but they’re just that. Lies.

He actually defended you, you know. Do you mean to tell me that all those lovely things he had to say about you were lies?

And you’re just going to automatically believe-- No, of course, of course you’re going to trust the word of a textbook narcissist over mine; it’s like talking at a mirror for you two, isn’t it?

What’s the matter, Jonathan? Can’t handle it when I rustle your feathers? You had no problem rustling his.

... I am hanging up the phone, Edward. I will never be picking it up again.

I’m sure you won’t. Wait. Hang on a second. [A dramatic pause.] ...Oh dear.

... [Why is he letting his curiosity get the better of him?] What?

Well, it appears as though---in my haste to check up on you, of course---I neglected to filter the call. Must have slipped my mind.

[As good an actor as Eddie may be, there’s no hiding that shit-eating grin that’s just crept onto his face.]

... I am going to fill your veins with so much fear toxin you will never have a coherent thought ever again.

Comments

[phobophobia]

Unless you had purposefully worn that flower with the express purpose of seducing me, I wasn't going to imply otherwise.

You are being terribly defensive, though.

[buildstherobots]

It's because I don't trust you! Now that it's out, how do I know that you won't paint me as some kind of... of... some kind of slut?!

[phobophobia]

Now that "it's" out, I plan on carefully planning the most sadistic tortures my black heart can imagine for everyone even remotely involved in this travesty while similarly pretending that it never happened.

You and your reputation, whatever it may be, are none of my concern.

[buildstherobots]

I expect to be left out of these plans.

[phobophobia]

Oh, no, I'm definitely going to kill you. The when, where, and how are currently up for debate, but it's going to happen.

[buildstherobots]

Why?! This isn't my fault!

[phobophobia]

You told.

[buildstherobots]

Not on purpose!

[phobophobia]

Did he have a gun to your head?

[buildstherobots]

...Well, no... we were on the phone. But he guessed all by himself!

[phobophobia]

And I'm just so convinced that you weren't dropping clues large enough to be seen from space.

[buildstherobots]

...Yes! Exactly!

I was just making sure you wouldn't blackmail me. That's hardly a clue.

[phobophobia]

And you decided to do this by checking in on someone who would definitely blackmail you.

[buildstherobots]

By checking with someone who knew you!

[phobophobia]

Edward barely even knows himself.

[buildstherobots]

And who else was I supposed to go to?

[phobophobia]

No one.

[buildstherobots]

I told you, I can't trust you not to ruin me!

[phobophobia]

How many times must I say that doing such a thing is completely uninteresting to me before you realize what a goddamn stupid thing you've done?

[buildstherobots]

Oh, as if I'd known that when I did it!

You're an insufferable ass and I'm not sorry.

[phobophobia]

Oh, don't worry, you'll be more than sorry once I'm finished with you.

[buildstherobots]

I'm not afraid of you either.

[phobophobia]

You should be, but that will come in time.

[buildstherobots]

And just what are you planning?

[phobophobia]

... Heh.

[and nothing more than that]