❦ the fifth rose

[silpheed]

PHONE;
[HELLO MAYFIELD the day of reckoning has come. meaning you get not one irritated, bossy and rude immortal on your phone lines today, you get two!!]

As most of you know, things are getting rather busy around here. That means there's less and less time for menial tasks and chores.

Because that is the case, we have decided that now is the best time to look for some sort of hired help. After all, I doubt that you people really have anything better to do. [RACHEL PLS at least try to make a good impression.] If you are such a person--and you likely are--and also excel at household chores, we now have a proposition for you.

We'll be holding a short audition at the high school auditorium at noon sharp today for those who are interested. Don't fret about pay, it will be a rate which you certainly won't deserve. [now it's tagteam bad impressions...]

If you're late, please do not waste our time by coming. That will be enough of an indicator that you would do a poor job serving. With that said though, I look forward to any who come to audition. It may be difficult, but do your best to at least be somewhat competent. [what a charming young lady you have the potential to serve right]

Thank you in advance for your consideration, and enjoy the rest of your morning. [no it's too late to fix the rudeness of this phone call now but he apparently doesn't see anything wrong with ending on this note...]

ACTION;
[for those brave souls who actually decide to go see what this thing is all about, they'll find a sign on the outside of the auditorium doors that simple says "auditions here" in neat script. inside the auditorium itself, the stage is well-lit and a table is set up in front of it, where Rachel and Charles are currently sitting with a couple of papers, pencils and what appears to be half of a tea set.

APPROACH WITH CAUTION the judgment begins before you even step on the stage...]

Comments

[splitthebaby]

[Ciel, please. Why can't you wear the ever inscruitable face that Merem is always fond of?

And though he's not party to the ribbing, Merem has quite a bit of experience in being ~fancy~. After all, he spent centuries working with the Crimson Moon, and even worse (and sickening now that he thinks about it), worked with Ortenrosse for quite a while. The Crimson Moon had too many servants, that's for sure.]

Now what would you have us do right now? Syncronized dish washing?

[ex_seventh238]

[trolling is less effective with a lineface


that and a portion of the people here are more used to her being n_n

think of it as a different way of proceeding and leave it at that, alright

Just going to nod at charles in the "ooooh" sort of way before peering back down at merem. SORRY CHARLES YOU'RE STUCK WITH THE CIELS NOW...]

That sounds sophisticated, but impractical. Do you really think that they would have something like that on the program?

[yes comment about it like the judges aren't there or something like a champ, 8|b]

[encored]

[where is the "eject from conversation" button this is not the life he wanted...]

Though I'm certain a task like that would yield interesting results, that isn't on the agenda as of right now. We could request it of the next participant if you'd like to see it done. [because they are totally making everything up on the fly and essentially going with as many humiliating and/or impossible tasks they can think of on the spot just like real judges!! move over Simon Cowell.]

[splitthebaby]

I think we would much prefer to show off our own talents. The only thing that should concern us is how we can beat the next participant.

[Which should be the proper answer. Either way, winning in the only way to...win.]

[ex_seventh238]

[ciel will

pretend to look pensive

AND TOO LATE NOW, SNOBBISH VAMPIRE CHILDREN... this is turning out to be stupidly good for the atrocious duo here too. Back home 'hunting vampires' meant just killing them, but seems like mayfield's giving them good exercise at obliterating vampiric pride too, what kind of useless skill is that]

Only if you feel like it, you two are the judge after all. Merem does have a point, though. What does - ah, do people have to do, in order to win? [she's not alone, after all 8v]

[encored]

[no atrocious duo go back from whence you came and stop staking vampiric pride in the heart, that is so rude.

HE HAD ACTUALLY kind of been hoping that they were just here to be part of the audience or something but nope that lays it out pretty clearly. what... a tragedy....]

If you would prefer to show off your own talents, I wouldn't mind at all. We're being very lenient with the auditions since there was bound to be a small pool of applicants, so the only real criteria is that it must be impressive to both of us. Simple enough, yes? [except for the part where they both have that innate unique ability to be bored by almost anything whoops]

[splitthebaby]

[sry to ruin your dreams, child. this is just how they will roll this day]

Simple enough, yes. Is there anything specific you would like to see?

[ex_seventh238]

[p.s.: 'this day' is synonymous to 'every day'


more like KARMA let's be honest here]

That's what I'm wondering, too. So if you don't mind, [...] Master Fei-Ong, hmm?~

[how about INNATE UNIQUE ABILITY TO MAKE EVERYTHING HIDEOUS instead...]

[encored]

[see this is why you two are stuck with each other, the footing is equally terrible there.

he also holds a hand up at that because this is edging into "too hideous to handle" territory.]

No need for last names here, thank you. [he has weird issues with names and titles okay] As for specific tasks, we would have to take time to create something from scratch for the two of you, since we're already well aware of your competence. Giving you the same test as an average human would make us unfair judges. [translation: they're probably going to throw saucers and crumpled paper at other contestants and turn it into a game of darts and pick-up sticks at the same time, but Ciel and Merem get a pass for being... themselves.]

[splitthebaby]

Why not just hire us since you are already aware that we're more than competant?

[This seems like the common sense option, come on.]

[ex_seventh238]

[blinks and feigns in mild surprise at merem]

I already do more or less just that with all the housekeeping I do at home and at the Church, but are you sure about this, Merem? I definitely wouldn't mind, although...

[quick glance towards rachel (because l o l), then back at charles



so how close are we edging now...]

[encored]

[BUT THAT WOULD MEAN HIRING THEM and that is the last thing he wants to do.

it's toeing the edge, too, that's how close you terrible nightmares are]

We can't hire you without you lifting so much as a finger to try, as competent as you may be. That isn't the point of auditions.

[splitthebaby]

I'm rather sure about it.

[He can also glance at Rachel and get his inner jollies.]

There is something then...

[ex_seventh238]

[suck it up charles, like ciel doesn't more or less babysit after you on a normal day but with 95% more stalking/moving from the shadows

oh yes awful great minds think alike, y/y]

So what would you have us do? It shouldn't take too long to come up with something, would it? [granted you guys don't... have that much here to begin with. don't have much because they were unprepared for hideous hijacks, more like, but details.]

[encored]

[HE NEVER ASKED FOR A STALKERSITTER!! and that is why he would definitely not even consider hiring her for essentially the same thing he gets more than enough of her already]

It shouldn't, no. [a glance over to Rachel's side of the table. guess who isn't prepared for this?? neither of them! oh, the pitfalls of being lazy and having a lowered guard.] But we also refuse to administer a test to anyone who wouldn't take the job seriously. [initiating escape plan A...]

[splitthebaby]

Not serious?

[Now, now you didn't just go there.]

I've served my beloved master for over a thousand years. None takes service more seriously than myself.

[ex_seventh238]

And I've had over a decade of practice in common household chores, so that's definitely an unfair accusation, Charles!

[yeah come back man, WHAT'S THE HURRY...]

[encored]

[thankfully Rachel's giving him an excellent out here...! he holds both hands up in a gesture that clearly states I am washing my hands of this situation and all of you.]

Loyalty is an excellent quality, but compatibility is also important. [NO COMPATIBILITY HERE]

[splitthebaby]

Oh, do you have a problem with Ciel?

[ex_seventh238]

Not that I know of, we get along quite well... [looks at him

totally innocent here

don't be mean charles :(]

[encored]

We get along fairly well, but that isn't my issue. [they only really get along when they're tagteam trolling other people lbr... the rest of the time it's Charles tolerating trolling for the promise of good food.]

If there's animosity between any parties here, the entire situation would become problematic quickly, you know?

[splitthebaby]

I doubt there is any animosity. I think it's just...

[Thinks quietly for a second.]

...what is that Japanese word I am looking for...

[ex_seventh238]

[yes charles

and do you really want to make the situation worse for yourself]




Tsundere?

[SO HELPFUL, CIEL]

[encored]

[HE RECOGNIZES THAT WORD purely because he's been called it before... but he still doesn't know what it means and he feels like asking about it now would be a nail in the coffin.]

Have you a different definition of animosity than I?

[splitthebaby]

Thank you, Ciel.

But sometime you have to look underneath the underneath.