－１: 『Enter the Minus!』

[negative]

[action 1, around town, morning]

[ There's a new face in town -- a rather ordinary-looking young man of average height and build, with black hair, blue eyes, and a pleasant smile on his face. Hands stuffed into his pant pockets, he is walking down the sidewalk, seemingly minding his own business as he approaches a random pedestrian and-- ]

『Hiya!!』

[ --In an instant, he's all up in their grill, his smiling mug just inches away from theirs. ]

『Hello! Excuse me! You there! Yes, you! If you're not too busy, may I please have a moment of your time?』

[ And even after he finishes speaking, the young man continues to stand rather closely to the other person, totally invading their personal space.

And he is still smiling. ]

[action 2, late afternoon, 1649 albright]

[ After spending several hours trying to gather as much information as he could, and another hour or two trying to recall his address, Kumagawa once again finds himself at the front steps of his new "home" -- 1649 Albright Lane. Once inside, he removes his shoes, leaves them at the front door, steps into the living room and, after taking a deep breath, announces quite loudly: ]

『I'm hooooooome, my wonderful, caring, loving family!! I'm soooooo sorry for sneaking out while you were all asleep this morning, but I'm back now, and I'm determined to be the best family member I can possibly be!』

Comments

[snacklist]

[As a giant suit of armour, Al wasn't used to many people deliberately going out of their way to approach him, and so he does a mini double take in surprise.]

Um... me?

[negative]

『W-R-O-N-G! Wrong, you fool! I'm speaking to the fellow standing behind you!』

[ He points behind Al with his forefinger. If he were to turn around, Al would find that there is no one there.

In other words, Kumagawa's fucking with him. ]

[snacklist]

[Alas, Al is a fool and absolutely believes him, feeling embarrassed for having made that mistake.]

Oh! I'm sorry, excuse me!

[He steps aside quickly so Kumagawa could talk to who he wanted to, when he sees... there's nobody there.]

Um...

[negative]

『. . . Hahahah! I lied! It was a joke! Gotcha, didn't I?』

[ Kumagawa winks at him, then stands on his tiptoes so he can rap his knuckles against Al's head. ]

『Hey, hey, isn't it a little too warm to be wearing a suit of armor like that? Aren't you sweating buckets in there? Did you just attend a convention or something?』

[snacklist]

Oh... haha, that's--

[He had been politely trying to laugh at the joke he didn't quite get, when suddenly he was being knocked on. OH NO, WHY MUST EVERYONE ASK?!]

No! No, it's really cool in here, I like it. It's a hobby.

1/2

[negative]

『Hmph. I see.』

[ He backs off a little, cups the side of his face, and gives a small sigh. ]

『To think that you'd be willing to put yourself at risk of heat stroke, just to fulfill a ridiculous hobby . . . such foolishness, such recklessness . . .』

2/2

[negative]

『I'm impressed. I admire your resolve. Still, couldn't you have chosen a cooler costume? It'd be a hundredno, a thousand times cooler if you had cosplayed as Son Goku instead!』

『. . . Or even Piccolo! You're tall enough to pull him off.』

would he know al's canon?

[snacklist]

[He has absolutely no idea what this boy is talking about, they don't even have TV where he is from, let alone anime.]

Son Goku? Cosplay? Um, I think you have me mixed up with someone else...

1/2 see ooc note

[negative]

[ ooc: Uhhh well Kumagawa is a proven Shounen Jump junkie, but it's never been shown/implied that he follows Monthly Shounen Gangan. He's probably seen FMA books on display at his local bookstore, but I figure he's never bothered reading them. So, no, he wouldn't know Al's canon. Hope that's okay with you. ]

『My, my. You've never heard of 「Dragon Ball」? That's hard to believe! Have you been living under a rock? You must really be a fool, after all. A big old fool!』

2/2

[negative]

『But you're in luck!』

[ In the blink of an eye, he's all up in Al's face again, smiling at him. ]

『Fools are my favorite kind of people! I'm actually a fool, myself! Kumagawa Misogi, champion of fools! Wanna be my friend?』

that's absolutely fine and dandy!

[snacklist]

[He might have been starting to wonder if he was crazy, but he's met people like Hughes before, so nothing seems weird any more.]

Um...

[He has no idea what's going on, so he'll skip down to the part that he did understand.]

Of course we can be friends! I'm Alphonse.

[negative]

[ Kumagawa's smile widens, allowing him to show off those pearly whites. ]

『That's great, Alphonse! Ahl-fahns. What an exotic name . . . aah, you must be a Westerner! That's so cool!』

[ Congrats, Al, you've just befriended the living embodiment of negativity. ]

『I'm so glad you didn't reject my offer like all the others! I haven't had a real buddy since my beloved childhood friend, Sugiura Rie, passed away just a year ago!』

[ There is no Sugiura Rie or deceased childhood friend; the boy is bullshitting again. ]

[snacklist]

[He would smile too, except he's a giant suit of armour and it's hard to make metal into expressions. He can cope with a lot of negativity, he's like pure optimism.]

W-What? I'm really sorry, but... why wouldn't anyone want to be your friend?

[He seems nice enough.]

[negative]

[ He shrugs, feigning ignorance. ]

『No idea! Ever since I was a little boy, I've always been unpopular. Kids used to kick sand in my face and break my toys all the time. I guess I'm just the kind of person that others look down on and hate. It's my lot in life.』

[ Kumagawa doesn't seem bothered at all, though. Also, the true reason why he hardly has any friends? It's because he's a lying, perverted dillhole. ]

[snacklist]

[He's not quite sure what to do with this information. It's terrible that he was treated that way, but it doesn't seem like information you would reveal to a stranger.]

You have a friend now!

[He gives a cheesy thumbs up, because that's totally reassuring.]

[negative]

[ And Kumagawa responds by giving him an equally cheesy thumbs up! ]

『Yay!! Right back at you, Alphonse!』

[snacklist]

Did you just get here?

[He hasn't seen him around, and he's pretty sure it would be hard to miss a boy like this.]

[negative]

『Yes! Correct! All I can remember is dying, and then, poof! I woke up in a different bed, in a different house, wearing different clothes! I thought this was just another one of Anshinin-san's cruel tricks, but the people here are telling me that we're stuck in 1950s America.』

[ A brief pause, then: ]

『Also, pornography isn't allowed here. Isn't that awful?』

1/2

[snacklist]

[Dying...? This isn't the first person he's met who had died before coming here, far from the first, but it still makes his heart pang in sympathy.]

I'm sor--

2/2

[snacklist]

[Wait... WAIT.]

WHAT?

[negative]

『Hahahah! What's wrong? There's no need to be shy. You're a young man, like me. You should have the same kinds of interests and urges.』

『. . . So, tell me, Alphonse! What kind of girls do you like? Older, seductive, experienced women? Innocent young girls? D-cups? Or flat chests? Maybe . . . 2D girls? That's it, isn't it? You prefer 2D to 3D. Although I prefer 3D myself, I don't blame you. 2D girls are cleaner, without any blemishes or imperfections.』

[snacklist]

I... I've never had a girlfriend before!

[His voice could not be higher, it's just a squeak of discomfort at this point. He's still basically a child in body, sort of, it's complicated.]

1/2

[negative]

[ Cue awkward silence. ]

2/2

[negative]

[ But then Kumagawa reaches forward, placing a hand on Al's shoulder and giving it a brotherly pat. ]

『That's okay! Don't sweat it. I was fourteen when I had my first girlfriend.』

[ And for once, the bastard's not lying through his teeth; he had a pretty little girlfriend back in middle school, who had a trillion abilities and who was an Eldritch Abomination. They broke up, though, after Kumagawa decided to rip her face off. Good times. ]

『I'll help you find one.』

[ Because it's what BROS FUCKING DO. ]

[snacklist]

[That might make him feel better if he weren't technically fifteen, just ignore the voice that never broke.]

N-No!

[He can't have a girlfriend when he's like this, what could he offer her? He wouldn't even be able to feel it when they hugged...]

I mean... um, there is this girl, but it's-- I don't know if she-- Not right now.