mayfield_rpg | imitation/fake 02: an unlit forge [broom?]

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imitation/fake 02: an unlit forge [broom?]

[[OOC: AU Details herein. So what if Archer, that is Shirou Emiya, never experienced the event that made him what he was? The accident that took his family and all he knew away from him never happened. The destroyed Grail and its contents never razed his home to the ground, Kiritsugu died alone and unmourned, and the inevitable Fifth Heaven's Feel didn't involve him. Well, Shirou would grow up into someone like the idealistic derp he would have been, but without all-consuming ideals or an obsession with helping others and lacking his own sense of self. Any desire he has to be compassionate growing up steadily matures with his age, and picks up some of Archer's cynicism and snark but remains a somewhat childish, overly-charitable man who lives a fairly simple existence...as a janitor for his old high school.]]

[Morning - 768 Bunker - Housemates and Unexpected Visitors]

[Another day, another morning in the bizarre and slightly alarming town of Mayfield. Shirou didn't really quite understand a lot of events that happened when he thought about it. Apparently, some girl he knew in high school told him a lot of things at some point...Rin, was it? It seemed pretty important in his memory, but he never really thought much of her, even back then. A lot of things in his memory in Mayfield and what he knew of himself didn't add up...which was amazing considering how little time he had spent here.

Oh, well. He figured his 'wife' would be awake soon so he was busily putting together a breakfast for both The Handmaid [he really DID need to ask if she had a name that was easier to use in conversation] and himself. In an apron. While humming a jaunty tune to himself and looking unrionically at peace. Even though Mayfield was a pretty stressful place, something like his old hobby of cooking was very therapeutic for him. So the smell of some delicious omelets are floating around the house...and near the window for anyone passing by.]

[Afternoon - Main Street Barber Shop - Open]

Um...good as new! I think.

[Shirou really hated this job. He knew absolutely nothing about cutting, styling, or anything else involving hair. Him being such an abysmal failure at it might have explained why his hair whitened so early. Or if one needed less cosmic evidence for how much he sucked at being a barber, one only need look at recent drone customers. The lucky ones have a few misshapen hairdos. The truly horrific ones have nearly lost all of their hair with some messily-bandaged cuts here and there (he himself having applied said bandages), and some have somehow gained afros. Of course, drones being drones, they don't seem to mind.]

Oh thank you, Mr. Emiya! I look positively wonderful. [Quote the drone woman who's stereotypical 50s hair had been reduced to a boyish crew cut. Shirou would just laugh nervously and wave at her as she left with a plastic smile on her face.]

Ahahaha...sure. No problem. [He really wishes he was somewhere else right now. Approach him or the horrible abominations he has created?]

[Evening - Phone - Unfiltered]

Hey, uh...is it just me or have a lot of people been acting more strangely than lately? I mean, yeah, this place is pretty weird already with a lot of weird people...erm. I mean that in a good way. I think. But, yeah, is everything alright? This is a creepy and messed up town already. It doesn't do any of us good if we're restless, right?

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[You know you're really, really lost when you manage to wander into the barber shop instead of your house.]

...Sorry.

[She gets a good look at the man destroy the women's hairstyles.]

Archer?

[Again with that horrible nickname. Okay, just because he was in archery club for a while in his youth didn't mean everyone had to call him that. He sighs and looks on over at her.]

Hey there, how can I...help...you.

[This face.]

...I really wish this place had restraining orders or something. What do you want?

Is there something wrong?

Hmm. I didn't know you had such a short memory.

...I honestly do not remember when I could have offended you.

How much do you think you drank on that prom night?

...Did I...get overly affectionate or something?

[Again, her drunken antics have come back to haunt her.]

[Gilgamesh makes his way into the barber shop. With his powers intact, he would be able to style his hair into any form he wanted with just a comb, but right now, he doesn't have that power.]

[Without a word, he plops himself down into a chair.]

Get me something short. Something easier to rake through in the morning.

[Hello Gilgamesh. You may think to yourself 'wow I have made some really dumb choices in my life'. Or if you haven't, this might make you consider it.]

Um...are you sure? [See? Even the adult derp thinks this isn't a good idea.]

Mm? You're the barber, aren't you? Just...cut it however you like.

[Intelligence and the various levels of it are irrelevant when you're mankind's oldest and most genre savvy hero.]

Don't say I didn't warn you.

[Because of the truly atrocious barber work being far too graphic for even the most seasoned of Mayfieldians, the haircut Archer will be attempting will be replaced by this picture of kittens.

We now return to your regularly scheduled program.

Gilgamesh, your head now looks less like a bird's nest and more like it just exploded everywhere and with several bald spots. How do you feel?]

[He examines his new look in the mirror.]

...If this were ancient Sumeria, I could execute you on orders of treason.

And we're not in ancient Sumeria. We're in Mayfield.

I even told you it was a stupid idea.

Yeah, I know.

[He sighs.]

I've made plenty of stupid decisions before. To be honest, it's kinda nice to be able to make stupid decisions again because I don't have the fate of the world riding on my shoulders anymore. You ever feel like that? Just wanna throw away all the hero crap, squawk like a moron, and shit on your desk?

[ Guess who's poking her head through the window now? ]

Hey Archer, do you need any help with that?

[ And by help she most certainly means in eating it. As in she's hungry. ]

[Oh god it was the she-devil herself. QUICK ACT NATURAL.]

No, I don't think I do. Thank you for your consideration, but getoffmywindow.

[ Wow, rude tbh. ]

Get off of your what? I'm sorry, but you spoke too fast for me to keep up. [ English isn't her first language, but she's spent enough time in London to know better. ] You're making extra, right?

I might be. I was hoping to save them for guests who don't make a habit of being vultures.

[ Twitching. ]

I'm anything but a vulture. Take back your uncouth remarks before I force you to take them back!

It's not uncouth if there's some truth to it. Aren't you able to make breakfast for yourself?

I am, I most certainly am! You just always do it for me instead! What's the problem with doing so today?

No offense taken, being one of those 'weird people', ze. But it's kinda like someone opened a can of bad-guy spinach or something that made 'em a lot more active than before.

I'm kinda tired of having to deal with so many of them. I'm only a part-time vampire hunter anyways.

[ooc: Marisa has been AU'd into the Koumajou Densetsu AU aka Touhou Castlevania.]

I know, right? This town always gave me the creeps already, but now it feels like a lot of people are ready to bash milk bottles over people's heads.

...vampire hunter, you say?

Part-time, ze. I usually only get involved when it's too much for my best friend to handle - she's the full-time hunter - or I get really bored. She's acting all funny too and there have been too many vampires active, so I had to go deal with 'em.

Totally sucks, ze. I'd rather be doing research. Or at least watch the idiots fighting over stupid stuff and see if I can learn to adapt their magic. At least that would be interesting.

[A pause.]

...I should probably do that introducing thing, right? Marisa Kirisame.

I'd rather be home and in an environment I don't have to keep looking over my shoulder for, but we both seem to be out of luck.

Oh...right, I almost forgot myself. I'm Shirou. Shirou Emiya. A lot of people call me 'Archer', though. Please don't.

[Just wait for him to say the exact opposite a few days later.]

No problem, Shirou. I'll call you whatever you want to be called.

And yeah, Mayfield kinda makes that whole 'being safe' thing kinda impossible all the time. What's your home like?

Eh...pretty boring. It's a standard Japanese urban city. I work as a janitor at my old high school. Though it

What's your home like? I'm a bit curious, if hunting vampires is really a 'thing' there.

Ah, you're from the Outside World then. That's pretty cool. At least I think it is.

I'm from Gensokyo, which is in Japan, but hidden behind a barrier keeping it separate from the Outside World. Mostly for the protection of all the humans, ze. It's full of youkai, vampires, oni, even some gods. A place where magic is all around. I'm one of the few humans there.

Huh. Really?

Guess I shouldn't be too surprised, though. Even people I thought were just annoying in my world apparently have magical powers.

Magic is a part of my life. It was hard adjusting at first to being here without it. I'm a witch, ze.

I was surprised to learn about how many other places had magic, myself. Gensokyo kinda exists because most humans of the Outside World stopped believing in magic. All the youkai and magical beings needed someplace to go before they faded away. So it's been really neat picking up magical techniques and spells from other magic users here.

And learning about other magic systems. Finding out what's compatible with my magic and style, and what's not. Totally fascinating, ze.

Truly these days have been a solace to the convention of creepers! Truly it is the work of our grotesque gardeners!

[WRONG PERSON TO ASK, AACHAA.]

...uh...huh. Whatever that means? You seem enthusiastic about it.

You misconstrue, for the present time is the Viagra of villainy! We must seek to rectify such rapscallions!

W-wait, what...when did Viagra get involved?

I speak not of the bawdy blue pill! These troubled times are an aphrodisiac for the atrocious!

I'm not sure I'm very comfortable with this conversation.

[There's a "whoosh" on the other end of the line. Like Key-Fu just swung the phone about abruptly. In fact, he's doing a martial arts kata on his end.]

Truly the undulations of unpleasantness are an uncomfortable topic!

Kinda sucks when being stranger than usual becomes the usual thing, doesn't it? It's like, how are we supposed to know where to start with?

I know, right? It's a pain in the ass when you don't have any idea what to expect.

"Luck favors the prepared." That's why I try to do everything I can to protect from whatever may be thrown our way.

My name is Reimu Hakurei, by the way. Miko of the Hakurei Shrine.

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imitation/fake 02: an unlit forge [broom?]

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barber shop

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action; because who doesn't want a free breakfast

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Ffff...I just realized that post wasn't finished. YOU SAW NOTHING.

I didn't even notice. YOUR PLAN WORKED.^^

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