xii.

[stabdads]

[Spades Slick has a thing for dogs.

They're good animals, dogs; one of the extremely few creatures that he's kind of actually somewhat come a tiny bit close to not completely hating. They're smelly and loud and pee on the carpet, but hey, so does Boxcars and Slick still keeps him around.

Not unlike his loutish minion, dogs are loyal and, more importantly, stupid. A dog isn't constantly scheming up new ways to fuck with you, like a cat or certain psychotic Dersite hellbitches. Dogs just obey you and bite your enemies and fetch the newspaper, asking only a bit of attention and the occasional belly rub in return. In short, they are Slick's ideal pet.

Up until now, of course, he's never had the chance to actually see one outside of pictures, Midnight City not possessing any life save for carapaces and certain green assholes not to be named. He did have those dalmatians at the fire station, but Slick had a nasty falling out with them after losing to them at poker.

No, what he needed were some pups that he could raise from scratch the beginning and train to be bloodthirsty killers. So when the words "pet store" hit Slick's ears, he knew he was going to have to be careful not to go overboard.

He's pretty proud of himself when he manages to leave the pet store having only bought 15 Scottish Terrier puppies.

Slick can be found:]

[A. At the park, having decided that leashes are for chumps, and the best thing you can do with a pack of newly-purchased puppies is to turn them loose on an unsuspecting populace. He is busy throwing tennis balls up and down the park and cackling when the entire pack of puppies go chasing after them.]

Nice hustle, boys! Remember, we start with tennis balls, then we move on to kidneys. Pick it up, Slick Jr, I want to see some sweat!

[B. Outside the bar, in the middle of a heated argument with a drone standing in front of the door. The puppies are sitting behind him, wagging their tails obliviously.] "No dogs allowed"!? The hell do you think you're talking to!? I'm gonna give you one chance to get the fuck outta our way before I sic these little monsters on ya. Better get moving mac or you're gonna end up Kibbles, capiche?

Still not gonna move, eh? This fuckin' guy. Give 'em hell, boys.

[Silence. The puppies do not appear to be willing to give 'em hell.]

Goddammit, boys, we talked about this! Just- one second, pal, don't go anywhere. You're gonna get the mauling of your life in a second, that's a promise.

[C. At home in his front yard, where Slick appears to have rigged up a bizarre scarecrow. In place of a head, he's taped up a white paper plate, and he has covered the figure with barbeque sauce. The puppies are, naturally, going at it with gusto, while Slick cheers them on with devilish glee.]

That's it! Rip 'im a new one, boys! Don't let him distract you with his stupid bullshit rambling, just focus on tearing him to pieces. I'll make you runts into Crew dogs if it kills me! Or you. Preferably someone else entirely.

Comments

A

[cuestickgenius]

[Just. Observing. And reading his unfortunately perfectly normal newspaper. He glances up when Slick makes that comment though.]

Dog's don't sweat, Slick.

[stabdads]

Yeah, not if they're lazy shitheads they don't! I said pick those feet up, Junior!

[cuestickgenius]

No, I mean, it's literally not a thing they do. It'd just make their fur disgusting, anyway.

C; gently placeholds

[cueball]

[Just. Staring. As he approaches the house.

Slick. Please.

No he's not even saying something because, for once, he seriously doesn't know what to say to this.

...Just...what is he looking at. Spades Slick what are you even doing. Is that horrible abomination supposed to be him?]

[stabdads]

[Slick, meanwhile, has taken to playing the role of the Scratch effigy's voice.] "Oh hello Slick, I was just planning new ways to be a massive tool, how are you doing. I see you have purchased some fine-looking Earth dogs and OH GOD MY FACE AND ALSO MY BODY NOOOOOO-"

[cueball]

[He just grimaces at the display. Slick, how are you even an existing entity? Part of him wants to keep watching silently, until he's noticed anyway, but he may as well just get the "surprise" of him being here out of the way. His eyes dart to the thrashing dogs.]

Did you really need fifteen of those small dogs? Or did you just take them from the pet store, without second thought of how to care for them all?

A - (WHAT AM I DOING- xD)

[originalnumber]

Okay. So.

The tennis ball may or may not have been something he was not observing.

And it... May or may not have wound up in the mass of hair that typically sits on his head, making him stumble in the process.

And there...

May or may not be a pack of scottie pups tackling him in search of said tennis ball now.

... ....

Success?

[stabdads]

[Slick's only response to this is an evil cackle.] Go for the jugular, Slick Jr!

sghhghghghghghg I want one of these puppies for real so bad now ahhh-

[originalnumber]

There's a voice muffled by PUPPIES-

"I am not entirely sure I have one..!" ALSO WHY DOES HE WANT THEM GOING AFTER THA-

Rff! Rff!! Erf!!! But Sliiiiiiiick they don't want the jugular THEY WANT THE BALL. Though some may be distracted by licking Astral's face. Maybe. Possibly.

"Th-That tickles..!!!"

Rf-Erf!

A.

[handsoffmyskirt]

[ One of the puppies might not be rushing back as a high school girl dressed in a candy striper uniform has bent down to pet one, patting it affectionately on the head. ]

[stabdads]

Hey. Hey! What is this. What do you think you're doing.

[handsoffmyskirt]

[ If she's done anything wrong she is completely unaware as the puppy had come up to her. ]

Petting him. What does it look like?

B

[noluckduck]

[Clover was only passing by, but when she spotted what was going on, she just had to stop and watch.

This is hilarious and the grin on her face as she speaks up makes it pretty clear that she's getting a kick out of it.]

Good luck with that, dude.

[stabdads]

Yeah, thanks. Some asshole's got a real bad day coming, I tell ya that.

[noluckduck]

...

Oh my fuckin' God, you're serious.

A

[busy_fists]

Hey, looks like you've got your hands pretty full there.

[stabdads]

I got it under control, mac. Gimmee a couple of days and these mutts'll be in fighting shape.

[busy_fists]

They're definitely earning points for enthusiasm.

B (Because someone had to)

[wannafightnow]

...What are you doing?

[stabdads]

Training, what's it look like?

C

[adropofjupiter]

[Marisa is sitting on the porch drinking a beer. No, it's not one of Slick's beers, but her own. SHE NEEDS ONE FOR THIS.]

...you got some pretty lame dogs for that, ze.

[stabdads]

Fuck you these boys are born killers, they just don't know it yet. Trust me kid I got this shit on lockdown.

[adropofjupiter]

Oh yeah... vicious ankle-biters. They won't even reach the knee.

B

[headfullofempty]

[Deuce had been heading to the bar for a little drink and spots his Boss making a new friend with the help of some adorable puppies. Or something. He's really not paying too much attention to the details.]

Hi Boss! Whatcha doin'?

[stabdads]

I'm trying to get these mutts inside this here bar, but this asshole's making life difficult. Remember the good old days when you could just stab a guy for being a pain in the ass without a buncha drone fuzz showing up? God I hate this place.