[001] The Sixty Billion Double Dollar Man

[collateraldamage]

[A: 1248 Williams (Closed to Housemates)]

[Vash would be the first person to say that many of his dreams involved waking up next to a beautiful woman (though sometimes this beautiful woman was made of doughnuts) and so for a long second when he opens his eyes, he thinks that's what this is. Wriggling a bit closer to the poor hapless Makoto, she'll surely appreciate his drool-mumbles... right?]

...'mnot... delicious jelly filling, and...

[Except this dream was just growing more realistic, and Vash was very suddenly aware of two things. The first of which was that he was IN BED WITH A STRANGE WOMAN, and the second of which was that HE WAS ONLY WEARING BOXER SHORTS! The peaceful slumbering air of the room is shattered by a piercing and girlish SCREAM as Vash leaps out of bed and takes the sheets with him, wrapping them around himself to hide his scarred torso... that isn't scarred, wtf Mayfield?!]

[B: Phone (Open to All)]

[Having had things explained a bit more, and after spending a few hours wondering if he'd finally lost his mind to hallucinations and madness, Vash finally decided the time was ripe to introduce himself to his fellow residents. If what had been said was true, and nobody here knew him, then he had a chance to make a good first impression. So the voice that comes over the line is deep and very deliberately manly, with an attempted hint at suave.]

Good afternoon, assorted men, children and, most importantly, beautiful women. The days have been dark here, the nights long and cold so far, and you have been in dire need of some brave soul to rectify all these wrongs.

A man of style. A man of extreme manliness. A man of...

[Wait, he doesn't have another descriptor. He fumbles for a second, before giving a manly cough to cover the awkward pause.]

And what do we call this man among men, this seeker of the elusive mayfly of love, I hear you cry? I am Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III.

[C: Bakery (Open to All)]

[They say an army marches on its stomach, and after giving his very impressive introduction, 'Valentinez' has decided that he most certainly deserves to put something in his. Following the inner glutton compass that pointed directly at sugary goodness, Vash has found his way to the bakery and all its tantalizing smells...

...before realising he has no money. Observe, if you will, the not-at-all-pathetic sight of a grown man with tears running down his cheeks as he presses his nose to the glass.]

Comments

[collateraldamage]

[That the crazy town had kidnapped them and there was no way out? Vash doesn't even believe this, and he's half believing this is some game of Legato's. The drones that have been described to him are eerily reminiscent of his work, and it would be just like him to include innocents in the middle of it all.

Not that any of this worry shows on his face, nor the disgust and anger at involving anyone other than himself in these cruel displays of power. He reaches out and lays a hand on her head and smiles as he looks into her eyes.]

Hey now, that's too serious an expression for such a cute face...

1/2

[owlish]

[....]

[owlish]

[alksjdlkfj
alsjdfasdg
sldkjf...]

M-- Mr. Valentinez! This is... this is a very serious situation...! [bright red flustered aweirlsdjf] Please take me seriously...!

[collateraldamage]

That's much better!

[He ruffles her hair gently when she blushes, smile so wide it was practically splitting his face.]

Someone so young should always be smiling.

[Is he even listening to her...]

[owlish]

I may be young, but that has nothing to do with smiling! [lakjsdf trying to brush his hand off, blushing furiously oh my goodness.]

Please! If you would, I want to find my companions and my clothing. [she should speak with Guts about how to best approach the situation from here, and make sure that he and the others were okay before thinking about anything else.]

1/2

[collateraldamage]

[He's chuckling now, she's quite the adorable little thing and at least she doesn't seem too scared.]

Right you are, your bodyguard is at the ready! Companions and clothe--

[collateraldamage]

[He leaps up with his enthusiastic words, only to have the sheet almost fall right off. OH WAIT, HE'S NOT WEARING CLOTHES EITHER, IS HE?!]

--s... AHHH! DON'T LOOK!

1/2

[owlish]

[oh my god why is he so embarrassing HE IS SO EMBARRASSING

WHY]

[owlish]

[SLKDJF scrambling to catch the sheet and hold it up for him.]

P-please don't move so quickly! It will fall off--! There is nothing underneath!

[collateraldamage]

[DON'T HOLD UP HIS SHEET! He makes a compulsive move backwards when she comes close to touching his skin, not wanting her to feel the scars underneath... that didn't exist right then.

Unfortunately, that just means she ends up with the sheet as he jumps away from her like a loser, squawking and diving headlong into the nearest room (hers).]

C-CLOSE YOUR EYES, MISS SCHIERKE!

[owlish]

[oh no oh no OH NO

the sheet comes free in her hands and she has a look of stark flustered shock on her face... not even registering his mad scramble til she jumps at the sound of his voice behind her... alskjdflkajsdf]

Wh-- wha--

[SLDKJF WHAT IS GOING ON THIS IS EVEN WORSE THAN ISIDRO]

[collateraldamage]

[He's hiding behind the door, which isn't really necessary considering he's wearing boxer shorts, but IT'S NECESSARY IN HIS HEAD, OKAY?!]

M-Miss Schierke! As your bodyguard, I must insist you close your eyes right away!

[owlish]

[alskjdf turning her back to the door, and lifting her hands with the sheet in them to cover her eyes and face!!]

M-- Mr. Valentinez, please!

[collateraldamage]

[As soon as she has her eyes covered, Vash sneaks out of her room with the intention of going back to his and getting some clothes.

What an unfortunate happenstance that has his foot catching in the sheet, leaving him to fall flat on his face with a squawk.]

--AH!

[owlish]

[this is...

worse than Puck and Isidro smushed into one body and given growth hormones she can't...

she winces as she hears that crash, before tentatively cracking an eye open, cheeks bright red.]

A-- are you alright...? Please stay still, this time! [sob she'll creep over to untangle his foot and then drape the sheet over his derp shoulders omg why]

[collateraldamage]

[Oof.

He lays still where he's fallen, blushing profusely when he feels the sheet settle over his skin and-- it's right about then when she doesn't ask what happened, that he's realising his body in unblemish. Well done, Vash, half naked all morning and only just noticing.

What... what is going on here?]

...

[Oh wait, he's been silent for too long, so he rolls over all at once to smile up at her.]

Ahahaha! I'm fine, a little fall like that could never hurt the great Valentinez!

[owlish]

[herping all the derps in this house...

she looks a little concerned -- he may be an idiot, but he's in the same position as her, and he's been trying to help... sort've... right...]

Are you sure you haven't hurt yourself? Your nose is quite red...

unblemish...ed.... why did the ed disappear )8

[collateraldamage]

[He sits himself up with the sheet wrapped properly around him again, reaching out to rest a hand on her head.]

Don't worry about me, Miss Schierke.

[This might have been a nice moment, had his other hand not been prodding his nose experimentally to find out why it was red.]

not just unblemish... but IN unblemish! p_o ...gontly.

[owlish]

[alksjdf she's a little red again as she takes his hand from his face with a slightly admonishing look.]

Do not prod at it! You'll only further injure yourself... [honestly! you're like a child :|]

oh no... my secret shame... i must flee to the dicking yard

[collateraldamage]

[Blinking as his hand is taken away like a mother hen, he peers down into her face obnoxiously.]

Your cheeks are a little red too. Maybe it's an epidemic...

:3

[owlish]

[...alskdjflakjdf NO now she's even more red!! tsun!!!!!]

There is no such thing! You are red from falling on your face. [HUFF HUFF now she's giving his hand a light tug. get up bum...]

Considering you are alright, we should continue looking for our things and companions, Mr. Valentinez. [like clothes for you would be a first... priority... and good.]

[collateraldamage]

[No, no... this is clearly the moment where some cheek smushing is in order, wiggling his hands on her cheeks like an obnoxious moron.]

How can you be so serious with such a cute face?

[Who cares about clothes and companions? This is way more fun.]

1/2

[owlish]

[oh my goodness WHAT IS HAPPEN

she's stuck frozen for a few seconds in pure shock

not even Isidro in his idiocy had done something like this...]

[owlish]

[alkjsdf WHERE IS HER STAFF TO WHACK THIS IDIOT ON THE HEAD!! she'll settle for trying to swat/wave his hands off SCREAM]

--What in the world are you doing?! Please stop this at once!

[collateraldamage]

You mean you don't know?

[He looks shocked, somehow miraculously avoiding her swatting hands to keep smushing her cheeks together adorably.]

How can you have companions and not know what this is? They must do it all the time... I bet they never get any work done with such pinchable cheeks right there...