Are Cowboys Cooler Than Vampires?

[nyanpire]

[Action A - General vicinity of 1444 Mitchell, Morning]

[It was pretty upsetting, to wake up in the wrong bed, in the wrong house, full of drones treating you funny. For you see, being a cat, Nyanpire was used to being regarded as a pet by the drones. But they were calling him "dad" and "dear" and it was really freaking him out.

Also, the being a human thing was freaking him out, too. A whole lot. He's on the front lawn, still in his pyjamas, staggering around and flailing at the air and making a huge fuss.]



This is all wrong! Aaaah! Wrong, wrong, wrong! HEEEEEELP! Ilsa! Edward! Ilsaaaaa! AAAANYONE!

[Action B - Around Town]

[Alright. Alright. The flipping out had been gotten out of Nyanpire's system. He had gone back inside, managed to get dressed (though the buttons on his shirt were done up unevenly and he forgot to zip his fly), and was now going to make the most of being a pretty big human dude.



For instance, he was gonna walk ALL AROUND THAT GROCERY STORE and NOT GET KICKED OUT. It's pretty awesome. He has like, a dozen bottles of ketchup in his cart.]

(Replies will be coming from suddenstandoff!)

Comments

B

[sgtgunpla]

[Nyanpire had it easy. At least the body he got stuck in was male. Keroro...not so much. Naturally he takes advantage of the fact he's in a human body and does a little shopping himself. He's driving a cart around, looking around.]

Seriously, how is there no starfruit here? Pfft, this suck.

[He turns a corner and the two carts crash into each other.]

H-hey, watch where you're going, de arimasu!

[suddenstandoff]

[Nyanpire recoils clumsily, still not used to this big human body. The cart rolls backwards as a result.]

Aaaah! Hey! YOU be careful! You could've broken my ketchup...

[He leans down to start inspecting the bottles, making sure they're alright and not chipped or dripping... then he pauses, frowns slightly, and looks back up at the lady.]

...de arimasu....

[...waaaaait, what if he wasn't the ONLY animal that could go shopping today?]

Keroro?

[sgtgunpla]

[Keroro grins and salutes Nyanpire.]

The one and only handsome, or is it beautiful now, Keroro, de arimasu!

So...who are you?

[suddenstandoff]

Whaaa? You're a girl?

[This is apparently quite mind-blowing.]

I'm... I'm Nyanpire! And I'm still a boy. Yeah.

[That should've been a "nyaa". Oh, humans. So weird.]

[sgtgunpla]

Nyanpire-dono! It's good to see you again even with the whole different body thing, buddy!

[Keroro grins and gives Nyanpire a V-sign.]

Y-yeah, I got stuck in Viktoria-dono's body, de arimasu. She's a housemate of mine so it wasn't too hard to track where my body was. Ooh, this is so great though, we can finally do stuff we couldn't do before!

[suddenstandoff]

Ohhh... a housemate! That must make it easier. I dunno who this guy is.

[He gestures vaguely down at himself. Then pulls uncomfortably at the shirt collar.]

But yeah! We can go ANYWHERE! ...we... we should go... get lunch somewhere! In a restaurant!

[sgtgunpla]

You should make a phone call and ask. Someone should know who's body you're in...after we mess around a bit first, de arimasu.

Yeah, I could go for a burger and fries right about now!

[suddenstandoff]

Yeah! We should mess around lots! We might not be like this long!

[He throws his head back and laughs.]

Yeah! A burger and fries! With LOTS of ketchup!

B

[suddenlyblondbangs]

[ Hibari is not pleased with the weird way of putting on those clothes. And he will also point it out. ]

You. That is against school regulations.

[ In his own way, of course. ]

[suddenstandoff]

Whaaa?

[The guy stops short, blinks, and tilts his head.]

School regulations?

[He looks all around, and then he huffs.]

This isn't school! I'm not in school! Hmph.

[suddenlyblondbangs]

Just fix those clothes, herbivore.

[suddenstandoff]

Herbivore.

[He gave the boy a stony stare. Stony stare seemed to be one of the expressions that this body defaulted to.

He had no idea what that meant.]

[suddenlyblondbangs]

[ He glares up at him. ]

Just fix them or I'll bite you to death.

[suddenstandoff]

[...wait. Bite you to death?]

...are you Hibari? You're Hibari, aren't you!

[No he is not zipping his fly, what is a fly, anyway, and what does it matter?]

[suddenlyblondbangs]

[ Blink. Blink. ]

...yes?

[ Suspicious now. ]

[suddenstandoff]

Hibari!

[He throws back his head and laughs.]

I'm Nyanpire! I got switched, too!

...that guy you got switched with is pretty mean.

[suddenlyblondbangs]

[ ....seriously? ]

Haah...

Not really. He's just weak and crazy.

[ Not caring about the fact that some people would rather call Hibari crazy as well. ]

Action B - B is for Backtag!

[walking_nukebird]

[Meanwhile, someone is getting kicked out. A tall woman with black feathery wings.]

"Goodness! We'll have to call the dog catcher at this rate!"

I'M NOT A DOG!

[And despite all the wing flapping and protesting, she's pushed out the door with a kick to the butt. The woman just stands there with her wings spread out and feathers ruffled.]

B is also for bird?

[suddenstandoff]

[Hol-Not-Pire had just purchased two bags full of delicious red foods, and was on his way out of the market when he saw the winged girl getting shooed out. He stops, startled and displeased, and turns to the drone.]

She's not a dog! She's a lady! With wings!

[Such protests are, perhaps, more intimidating when coming from a large cowboy than a small kitten. But drones will be drones, and...]

Oh, Hol, you joker! We just get so darned many dogs trying to get in here...

[Unimpressed with drone-talk, he turns to the winged lady instead.]

You okay?

1/3 And B is for Boobies. 'v' *shot*

[walking_nukebird]

[Boy, "her" eyes are burning like coals toward that drone happily treating her like a pooch.]

Still not a dog! Goddamn!

["She" huffs, and "her" wings flap once out of indignation.]

2/3

[walking_nukebird]

[Then she happens to notice the cowboy (... ?) standing off to the side.]

[With a helluva lot of red food on hand.]

3/3

[walking_nukebird]

Oh—um, yeah—I'm alright ... They've been doing this to me all day, though. I don't know why!

[suddenstandoff]

[The man in the cowboy hat looks thoughtful, eyes darting back and forth as he considers her wingspan. Wow. Those are some big wings.]

They must think you're a pet. I'm a pet. Normally. So they call me a dog and shoo me out!

[He huffs.]

I'm a Nyanpire! Not a dog.

1/2

[walking_nukebird]

Oh ... So it's like how the drones think everyone in a house is a family. Only they see us all as dogs?

[Wait.]

2/2

[walking_nukebird]

... Nyanpire? What's that exactly?

[Though "Utsuho" thinks "she" knows the answer already. Sure doesn't help that the guy seems to be buying up red-colored food. Though, come to think of it ... the borrowed body seems familiar, too.]

[suddenstandoff]

Yeah. They see us all as dogs! That's dumb.

[Then he laughs, puffing up proudly.]

I'm a cat and a vampire, so... Nyanpire!

[walking_nukebird]

[Who knew that JoJo characters could puff up like a bid?]

A cat who's a vampire? I—okay, meeting one vampire was crazy enough. Now I've met like five and one's a cat?!

[suddenstandoff]

Five? You've met five?

[Woah. That's pretty surprising!]

I've only met two, besides me! There's the big scary blonde lady, an there's Charles! Who else is there?

"Bid" should have been "bird" ... XD; Curse you, spellchecker!

[walking_nukebird]

Um ...

["Utsuho" counts on "her" fingers as "she" talks.]

Well, there was an adult-sounding one I talked to on the phone who said she's lived for eight hundred years, but she never gave me a name ... She said it was her job to keep track of vampires.

But she knows another vampire I met in person, Merem Solomon. A little kid who can create creatures from other people's thoughts.

And then there's Remilia and Flandre Scarlet. Remilia's a little girl vampire, and I think Flandre is too, from the way she acted ... But I don't know for sure. She was in another woman's body today.

["She" fidgets a little, "her" wings refolding a few times.]

So it goes. Mean ol' spellchecker.

[suddenstandoff]

Merem Solomon... and Remilia... and Flandre Scarlet...

I don't know any of those ones! Maybe I'll go find them! When... I'm not this guy, anymore.

[He frowns, shifts his grocery bags to the crook of one arm, and adjusts his hat.]

I don't know if I like this or not...

[walking_nukebird]

I can tell you I don't like this. I mean ... it's weird enough waking up in the body of someone who's the other sex, but switching bodies with a man-eating youkai ...

[suddenstandoff]

[The conversation is now getting a little bit high-concept for Nyanpire. He's not sure that he fully understands anymore... but this is probably really important, so he's gonna try.]

....so you're really a boy?

And... she really eats people?

[walking_nukebird]

Yeah, I am ... and she does.

["Utsuho's" wings twitch. It's odd to see that kind of reaction from someone who's supposed to be a vampire, of all things.]

I'm ... gonna guess you're not like the typical vampire, then? I mean, the whole thing about vampires seeing humans as food and nothing else.

[suddenstandoff]

Whaaaaat? No! Humans aren't just food! They give you cuddles, and they take care of you, and they're fun to be around!

Some vampires are pretty mean, if they think that. [He snorts.]

[walking_nukebird]

[Wow. This is pretty trippy for Balin.]

That's the usual deal with vampires, but I don't think I've ever met a "typical" vampire here.

Like, take that Merem kid. He's a ... weird one. He openly calls himself an "enemy of humans," and said they're little more than food to him, now. But he works for the Catholic Church to protect humans from other—uh—supernatural threats.

I don't know what to make of him.

[suddenstandoff]

[This would be really trippy for Nyanpire, too, if he had any sense of self-awareness.]

That's pretty weird... I dunno. We drink blood, yeah.... but we don't have to be mean about it.

Though other vampires have cooler powers than me. [He pauses.] I don't... really... have powers. Huh.

[walking_nukebird]

So I'm guessing you don't, like ... suck people dry? You only take a little?

[A beat.]

Or do you drink from blood packs?

[suddenstandoff]

I just take a little! I'm... [There's a bit of awkward fussing with the hat.] I'm normally a kitten. Not a big-big guy like this.

[walking_nukebird]

Yeah, I see ... I guess you just never know with vampires, what they're going to be like. I guess the only real thing that's common is that you guys all drink blood ...

[suddenstandoff]

I guess, yeah...

[He shrugs, then he looks down at the grocery bags he's carrying. Then back at the grocery store. Then back at her.]

Did you need anything in there?

[walking_nukebird]

Well—I guess not. It's just a pain not being able to go anywhere ... I didn't know you guys had it so rough.

["Her" gaze follows "Hol's" to the groceries.]

... What's with all that red food, anyway?

[suddenstandoff]

I don't usually have money to go buy things. So I don't go to a lot of places. If you have someone to take care of you, it's okay!

...If you don't, then it's no good at all.

[He was looking pretty gloomy, there... the change of topic to groceries was welcome!]

Red food is the best! And no one EVER buys enough of it for me! So now I've got everything I want! Ketchup, and tomato juice, and tomato soup, and fruit punch, and... and...

Past week's been a mess ... sorry for the delay!

[walking_nukebird]

["Utsuho" scratches "her" head in thought.]

So do you just like the color red, or ... ?

Delay all over the place, oh man...

[suddenstandoff]

I'm really a vampire! Blood's the best, but if it's red... it's still pretty good!

[And he laughs. What? Being secretive? Being careful? Being subtle? NOPE.]

No worries!

[walking_nukebird]

[Which now has "Utsuho" thinking.]

Do you know if it works that way for other vampires—?

[suddenstandoff]

I dunno. Maybe?

[He shrugs. It was something he hadn't given much thought to.]

[walking_nukebird]

I wonder if maybe that would make some of them ease up, if they ate more "red" stuff ...

["Utsuho's" rubbing her chin thoughtfully.]