♎ S33R: R34D TH3 HOROSCOP3S

[foretaste]

( phone )

It's Terezi and my auricular sponge clots are still frothing teal from all of those alarms, and I guess everyone is still in a big panic about it but I just wanted to let everyone know that Dave Strider- hard cherry candy red Dave, not delicious orange creamsicle Dave- is gone. Back to... to our universe, I guess, and I mean, I just-...

[Terezi actually sounds pretty miserable about it. ]

I bet he will be back soon. I mean, that's just like a coolkid, to get himself panscrubbed ironically. He will be back in a few days, won't he, I just know it, he's going to swagger on in and be like 'Hey, TZ, hey, everything's totally cool and I was just seeing what it was like to be a drone for a while.' Yeah, that's what's going to happen. Blargh. I think I am going to give him a good hard drubbing the moment he snaps out of it. He's leaving me hanging and-

[Her voice shrinks.] ...Anyway, um. That's all.

Oh, except, by the way, can I ask if there are any people out there who were born between the human calendar dates of... September 24th to October 23rd? [She sounds a little bit hopeful, curious.] Let me know!

( filtered to castmates but easily broken )

I discovered this thing! [She seems to perk up a little bit, although she still sounds a bit tired. There's some rustling on her end of the line.] It's called 'the zodiac'! Humans have this wheel of 12 signs based on the stars in the sky and the way they're laid out and... There's a machine that dispenses something called a 'horoscope'. That's how I figured it out. I don't know how we didn't ever learn about this sooner!

[She gives a huff.] I'm going too fast, but it's pretty exciting! They're our signs, if you haven't figured that out yet. All 12- they're ours. And they're all based on real star patterns. We really did have an influence on this universe. Apparently all humans born on this planet fall under one of our signs. Amazing, isn't it!

The machine's at the comic shop. But I found a book on the zodiac, too! Here, for example, I'm going to read about my sign. It's called 'Libra'. [She pauses for a moment to lick the paper.] 'Diplomatic and urbane, romantic and charming'- hahaha- 'Easygoing and sociable, idealistic and peaceable'... They're all qualities that are supposed to represent our signs, I think! Naturally I am incredibly sociable and romantic and diplomatic and peaceable so this is all one hundred percent absolutely undeniably true.

But the coolest part is, [she takes a breath-] the coolest part is that my sign represents the scales. Equality and justice. And the rest of the signs, are, um, well, you'll see! I think it's all kind of amazing. You should go to the comic shop if you want to see! It's just... I guess even here, it's kind of encouraging to know that we had an impact on things. Somehow.

( action; the comic shop )

[Terezi, dressed in tribute to a certain coolkid, is standing before a rusty machine mounted to the wall. It has a number of different options on it, and after inserting $0.05, it dispenses small tubes of paper containing horoscope information. Terezi is basically choking the thing with nickels and stuffing a bunch in her pockets. She has a lot of Libras and Cancers. Once she amasses enough, she sits down on the curb of the sidewalk and begins sketching on the ground in chalk.]

Comments

[crusthatecean]

[Wow that little sigh makes him so irritated but he can't say anything about it because he just got done being such an asshole about regular Dave. Relationships are hard.]

Okay, yeah, so we're agreed that bird Dave is a douche.

Whatever. What's with this dumb zodiac thing you found?

[foretaste]

[OH KARKAT just wait until she tries to get your advice.... again..........

she snaps out of her pale daydream, somewhat mollified, and seems to remember something.]

Oh, right! Well... We might not have been able to get into our universe, but it's still obviously ours. This zodiac thing, our signs- they exist on Earth. I think you'll want to take a look.

[crusthatecean]

Okay, fine, I'll admit to being curious about this.

[foretaste]

[she was pretty excited about it over all, but there's a certain thing about Karkat's sign that she knows is going to bother him. she just doesn't know how much.

still, it's best if she doesn't do it on the phone.] Come to the comic shop! I will explain everything.

[crusthatecean]

Oh, I see, we're going with cryptic bullshit.

Fine, I'll be over there.

action;

[foretaste]

[and she is waiting there, putting the finishing touches on her chalk rendition of their signs, organized carefully in the same order as the zodiac.]

[crusthatecean]

[He'll be showing up in a minute, checking out her pointless chalk drawing. At least she used grey for his!]

[foretaste]

[looks like someone's jealous because he can only produce shitty drawings and can't even color in the lines so his lusus has to take pity on his poor art skills and put them up on the fridge so his feelings won't be hurt!!!!!!

also yes of course she used grey. Terezi is a good meatsprite.

she greets him with a smile and reaches for his hand. she misses and awkwardly fumbles at his hip and then manages to settle for his elbow.]

Hi! Sit down. [she adjusts her coolkid sunglasses.]

[crusthatecean]

[Don't be rude he drew that when he was only six...

Blargh making a face at her stupid sunglasses but sitting down.]

Hi. Are you going to tell me what's up with all of this?

[foretaste]

[she'll respond by opening the book that she found, to an illustration of a wheel with some familiar symbols.]



Look here. [she touches the spot with her sign.] The scales. And, [she points out other strange similarities- the twins, the bull, the archer- and then holds the book up to her nose to sniff at the words, reciting the description below it.]

'The zodiac is an imaginary belt-shaped region in the heavens, in the middle of which is the ecliptic, or sun's path. It is made up of and divided into 12 constellations or signs for astrological purposes.

There are twelve signs in all and depending upon the date of birth of an individual, a corresponding sign is allocated to that individual. It is believed that individuals born under any one of the twelve signs will exhibit certain character traits which are associated with those signs.'

[she tilts her head.] And those signs are ours.

[crusthatecean]

Yeah, I can see that. So it's sort of like horoscopes for humans, but only twelve signs?

I sort of thought creating a universe would give us something more interesting than superstitious bullshit for idiots.

[foretaste]

It's not superstitious when we know it to be true!

[she thumbs over to the section on the sign also known as the Crab and hesitates before passing the book over.]

...Just look at it, okay? I think maybe you should see this.

[she sets the book in his lap. at the top of the chapter is one word:

Cancer.]

1/2

[crusthatecean]

It's superstitious because it's pointless bullshit that happens to be vaguely related to us, but--

[crusthatecean]

[As soon as she opens the book and he actually gets a look at the name associated with his sign, he shuts up. He feels as though his stomach his dropped out. It's that word, the one that keeps following him no matter what he does. He chose it on a whim, a metaphor for the damage he did, but everything always comes back to it.

And now it's written here in a human book about lighthearted superstitions that Terezi is sharing with the others for fun. It isn't fun; it's like having his crime read to him, or maybe his sentence.]

What--

Is this some kind of joke?

[foretaste]

[that's the only one that's made her hesitate, really. everything else- there's been a bit of sense to it. she can see where 'Virgo' and 'Scorpio' come from. she also can understand 'Aquarius' and 'Taurus' and why they make sense.

but... 'Cancer'?]

...Mm. No.

[her shoulders slump. she knows what this word means to Karkat. not the scope of it, not the full extent of just how much it's going to bother him, but she knows enough.]

It's not a joke.

[crusthatecean]

What are the other ones named?

[foretaste]

[of course he's ask that next.]

Well, mine's Libra. And Vriska's is Scorpio, and Gamzee's is Capricorn, and Sollux's is Gemini...

[as she goes down the list, it only becomes terribly obvious that Karkat's is the only one with such a striking connotation.]

[crusthatecean]

Wow, great! Those are some creative names the humans made up to represent us. I'm so glad they didn't forget about us.

[foretaste]

Karkat, I know it sounds bad, but-...

...It's like you said, right? It's superstition and it doesn't mean anything. [she doesn't believe what she's saying, though.]

[crusthatecean]

You're right, it's obviously just a coincidence.

[He definitely does not sound sincere about that.]

They coincidentally named me after a fatal mutating disease that destroys everything it touches. Those humans, what will they think of next.

[foretaste]

You said it was vague. Can't that still be true?

You're not a cancer.

[crusthatecean]

Apparently they think so.

[foretaste]

That's just the name. There are a lot of good things associated with it, Karkat.

[crusthatecean]

There are a lot of positives to being fucking cancer. I could write a self help book on it. Living with Killing Everything You Touch. It's a shame I'd be the only buyer.

But you're right, maybe it's completely arbitrary! None of this has anything to do with us! There's no connection between Sollux and twins or you and scales or me and fucking crabs! It's all just a big pile of bullshit!

[foretaste]

[he went right back on what he was saying before but-]

No, I meant the... just keep reading, okay?