Karkat Vantas (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
crusthatecean) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
mayfield_rpg2012-02-02 09:10 am
crusthatecean) wrote in mayfield_rpg2012-02-02 09:10 am
Entry tags:
♋ 25
[action; locked]
[He's been in so much pain for so long now that he barely registers when he's left by the side of the hospital. He found it easier to lie on the cool floor of the recovery room, arms trapped in red hot iron cuffs held above his head. At first, he expected to die; that was the whole fucking point, an execution method, a way to kill a fucking mutant sack of shit as painfully as possible. The worst part, though, was his gradual awareness that he was not going to die, that the cuffs were just going to keep on burning his skin but not in any way where the pain would ever stop, where they would ever come off. He's blind, his eyes now dark and blank red, so he can't see the damage but he's certain this isn't normal, it's an extra condition of torturing him. Lying still doesn't help the pain, but it does help with the visions; trying to do anything leaves him with awful visions of his friends dying, the direct result of anything he does, and though he knows better than to believe it, it makes him sick and even more miserable.
His first awareness of the move is the change in the sound around him; it had been so quiet in that recovery room with nothing but those recovering from similar traumas. Now he can hear cars and he can hear footsteps and voices, and he becomes aware the consistency of the ground beneath him has changed.
He had been hoping he would die before this happened, because while most thoughts aren't coming clearly, the one that does is that no one can see him like this. The eyes, that's what they'll pity him for, even if he keeps a straight face they'll know his revulsion and horror and they'll feel sorry for him, they'll think of him as sad and helpless and he can't, he can't, all he wants is to be strong. He squeezes his eyes shut tightly and won't open them for anything. Most won't know the meaning of the cuffs, and that's a small blessing because they're harder to hide, but those who do, he can stand it even less. It's the connection, it's the amount that it's a joke. The man who died this way was someone strong and important, so much so that the fucking Condesce took notice of him, so much so that the most powerful trolls in Alternia proscribed a special way just for him to die. What is he? Just a wiggler, weak and useless, nothing at all. The worst part of this horrible thing they've done to him is that as much as he hates it, he doesn't even deserve it.
What he'll do is, he'll crawl away until he finds a wall, somewhere that he might be sheltered and hidden, though he can't hide very effectively when he doesn't know where he is. He'll curl himself around the cuffs, the pain caused by the proximity to the heat awful on his chest and knees but worth it to hide it as well as he can, and he'll hiss at the sound of any footsteps that approach him, warning everyone to stay the fuck away from him.]
[phone; public]
[It's a strange reversal from the situation just a few days ago - this time Gamzee's the one who makes the call after he's dragged Karkat home and fed him some of his sopor pie to try to dull the pain. He sounds unusually upset, although he's trying to keep himself together; still, even with his moirail in the room, his voice is starting to oscillate in volume that anyone who's witnessed Gamzee in a bad mood before may recognize.]
Okay, so. How all you motherfuckers doing? Hit a brother up with some motherfuckin' status updates so I can be to reporting to Karkat - he's back on from the medical bay, he's doing--
[Doing fine is what Karkat wants him to say, but Gamzee chokes on the words, on such a filthy fucking lie that his mouth feels dirty even trying to get it out, because Karkat is the opposite of fine and just looking at what's been done to his moirail fills him with so much rage that he feels like he'll be sick from it.]
Someone tell me how to get these fucking disgusting cuffs off him.
Gamzee. Shoosh.
[Karkat's voice sounds weak and strained; he's not nearly as close to the phone as Gamzee is, but there's also a groggy sedated quality to it. He hadn't planned on saying anything, but Gamzee has just said the one thing Karkat told him not to say. He can't be angry, but he's not going to let him continue as little as he wants to interact with anyone. He's quiet for a few seconds as he tries to gather his thoughts.]
The point this idiot is trying to make is that I'm here, I'm fine, I need to know how all you morons are doing, and then I'm going the fuck to sleep so you can call Gamzee if you need something as improbable as that sounds.
((ooc; So I've locked the first part of the entry because I don't want to do too many threads there. Gamzee is ultimately going to be the one to get him home but if you'd like to do some action there chronologically before Gamzee shows, just ask me and I'll see if we can figure something out!
For the second part, Karkat will be replying, Gamzee may or may not jump in.))
[He's been in so much pain for so long now that he barely registers when he's left by the side of the hospital. He found it easier to lie on the cool floor of the recovery room, arms trapped in red hot iron cuffs held above his head. At first, he expected to die; that was the whole fucking point, an execution method, a way to kill a fucking mutant sack of shit as painfully as possible. The worst part, though, was his gradual awareness that he was not going to die, that the cuffs were just going to keep on burning his skin but not in any way where the pain would ever stop, where they would ever come off. He's blind, his eyes now dark and blank red, so he can't see the damage but he's certain this isn't normal, it's an extra condition of torturing him. Lying still doesn't help the pain, but it does help with the visions; trying to do anything leaves him with awful visions of his friends dying, the direct result of anything he does, and though he knows better than to believe it, it makes him sick and even more miserable.
His first awareness of the move is the change in the sound around him; it had been so quiet in that recovery room with nothing but those recovering from similar traumas. Now he can hear cars and he can hear footsteps and voices, and he becomes aware the consistency of the ground beneath him has changed.
He had been hoping he would die before this happened, because while most thoughts aren't coming clearly, the one that does is that no one can see him like this. The eyes, that's what they'll pity him for, even if he keeps a straight face they'll know his revulsion and horror and they'll feel sorry for him, they'll think of him as sad and helpless and he can't, he can't, all he wants is to be strong. He squeezes his eyes shut tightly and won't open them for anything. Most won't know the meaning of the cuffs, and that's a small blessing because they're harder to hide, but those who do, he can stand it even less. It's the connection, it's the amount that it's a joke. The man who died this way was someone strong and important, so much so that the fucking Condesce took notice of him, so much so that the most powerful trolls in Alternia proscribed a special way just for him to die. What is he? Just a wiggler, weak and useless, nothing at all. The worst part of this horrible thing they've done to him is that as much as he hates it, he doesn't even deserve it.
What he'll do is, he'll crawl away until he finds a wall, somewhere that he might be sheltered and hidden, though he can't hide very effectively when he doesn't know where he is. He'll curl himself around the cuffs, the pain caused by the proximity to the heat awful on his chest and knees but worth it to hide it as well as he can, and he'll hiss at the sound of any footsteps that approach him, warning everyone to stay the fuck away from him.]
[phone; public]
[It's a strange reversal from the situation just a few days ago - this time Gamzee's the one who makes the call after he's dragged Karkat home and fed him some of his sopor pie to try to dull the pain. He sounds unusually upset, although he's trying to keep himself together; still, even with his moirail in the room, his voice is starting to oscillate in volume that anyone who's witnessed Gamzee in a bad mood before may recognize.]
Okay, so. How all you motherfuckers doing? Hit a brother up with some motherfuckin' status updates so I can be to reporting to Karkat - he's back on from the medical bay, he's doing--
[Doing fine is what Karkat wants him to say, but Gamzee chokes on the words, on such a filthy fucking lie that his mouth feels dirty even trying to get it out, because Karkat is the opposite of fine and just looking at what's been done to his moirail fills him with so much rage that he feels like he'll be sick from it.]
Someone tell me how to get these fucking disgusting cuffs off him.
Gamzee. Shoosh.
[Karkat's voice sounds weak and strained; he's not nearly as close to the phone as Gamzee is, but there's also a groggy sedated quality to it. He hadn't planned on saying anything, but Gamzee has just said the one thing Karkat told him not to say. He can't be angry, but he's not going to let him continue as little as he wants to interact with anyone. He's quiet for a few seconds as he tries to gather his thoughts.]
The point this idiot is trying to make is that I'm here, I'm fine, I need to know how all you morons are doing, and then I'm going the fuck to sleep so you can call Gamzee if you need something as improbable as that sounds.
((ooc; So I've locked the first part of the entry because I don't want to do too many threads there. Gamzee is ultimately going to be the one to get him home but if you'd like to do some action there chronologically before Gamzee shows, just ask me and I'll see if we can figure something out!
For the second part, Karkat will be replying, Gamzee may or may not jump in.))
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Besides, I never said I was hurt.
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There's a difference between 'doing what I can do so that my moirail and everyone else won't die because - hey! the revival mechanism is screwed up and I don't know if anyone else will die and come back if something goes wrong' and 'I'm doing it because I don't give two cuttleshits about whether it has anything to do with anyone else'.
I'm doing it because hell if I'm going to let the only other troll in this place who can do anything about it be the one keeping it down. Because she doesn't care who she hurts, and I care enough that I want everyone to be safe and not hurting.
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What is it Kanaya says? Everyone has an important job to do? That never stopped being true.
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If he could just explain, it would be easier, but then again when he explains the things that are so obvious, they never sound as obvious anymore, no one else ever agrees. The problem that no one understands is that if it's him it doesn't matter but they do because he loves them, he loves them and it isn't fair of them to die.
He wouldn't be Karkat if he said all of that, but he is also far from completely lucid, so he says more than he means to.]
And mine is to keep all of you safe and I've fucked it up enough times already, and it would be great if you stopped making it difficult!
Of course I want to handle it! You matter and I don't. Objectively speaking, I mean. I don't see why none of you understand that, it's pretty fucking simple!
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I'm not trying to make it difficult. We're all doing the same thing as best we can; we're trying to keep each other safe and in one piece and not dead. Because we're - as fucked up as we are, as screwed up as we've been, as coddamn fucked up and down and sideways as this place is, the one constant we all have is each other. We all matter, each and every one of us, and I don't want to hear anyone saying they don't.
I get how hard it is. But I'm trying to do what I couldn't do before, which is at least help keep things - they aren't glubbing to be perfect. They're going to be hard and they'll hurt sometimes. I'm not denying it and I'm not going to sugarcoat it. But I want to help things be as okay as they can be.
...I just want everyone to be able to smile. You included.
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[click.]
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He just doesn't want anyone to get hurt, how, how is that so much to ask?]
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I'm sorry. I know logically we're both trying to do the exact same thing. But what I'm trying to say is...you should take the pressure off yourself a bit. I trust you, Karkat, but you have to trust us, too. We're not trying to make you have a nervous breakdown. Really. We're not.
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I don't want anyone else to die...
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[Shooshing noise, over the phone.]
You get some rest. It's going to be okay.
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