❦ the fifth rose

[silpheed]

PHONE;
[HELLO MAYFIELD the day of reckoning has come. meaning you get not one irritated, bossy and rude immortal on your phone lines today, you get two!!]

As most of you know, things are getting rather busy around here. That means there's less and less time for menial tasks and chores.

Because that is the case, we have decided that now is the best time to look for some sort of hired help. After all, I doubt that you people really have anything better to do. [RACHEL PLS at least try to make a good impression.] If you are such a person--and you likely are--and also excel at household chores, we now have a proposition for you.

We'll be holding a short audition at the high school auditorium at noon sharp today for those who are interested. Don't fret about pay, it will be a rate which you certainly won't deserve. [now it's tagteam bad impressions...]

If you're late, please do not waste our time by coming. That will be enough of an indicator that you would do a poor job serving. With that said though, I look forward to any who come to audition. It may be difficult, but do your best to at least be somewhat competent. [what a charming young lady you have the potential to serve right]

Thank you in advance for your consideration, and enjoy the rest of your morning. [no it's too late to fix the rudeness of this phone call now but he apparently doesn't see anything wrong with ending on this note...]

ACTION;
[for those brave souls who actually decide to go see what this thing is all about, they'll find a sign on the outside of the auditorium doors that simple says "auditions here" in neat script. inside the auditorium itself, the stage is well-lit and a table is set up in front of it, where Rachel and Charles are currently sitting with a couple of papers, pencils and what appears to be half of a tea set.

APPROACH WITH CAUTION the judgment begins before you even step on the stage...]

Comments

[encored]

[his sense of smell is top notch but sadly he has no idea what to identify this smell as. HE JUST KNOWS IT ISN'T POISON. or at least none of the poisons he's become intimately acquainted with throughout the years...]

The kitchen here? [shaking his head] That might explain it, I suppose. Cafeteria food is quite terrible. The tea, on the other hand, is entirely your fault if you brewed it yourself. I don't know what you did, but I'm afraid it would be instant reason for firing if you had been hired in the first place. I don't want to feel like I've eaten glass every time I take afternoon tea.

[kinship]

[He sighs, pouting in a way that might be eerily reminiscent of a certain priest's dramatics.]

You're not a very good person to play a joke on, Just. You could have warned me you didn't get sick easily.

[encored]

[these moments when he can't ignore how closely Cain and Abel resemble each other...]

I don't get sick at all, you should know this. [because apparently there isn't a difference between "can't catch a cold" and "being unaffected by anything imbibed", so it totally doesn't need explaining! if anything needs explaining here, it's this sudden bizarre semi-confession]

I wasn't aware you had such morbid humor. What was it, then? A cleaner of some sort? Fiberglass? [CHARLES... what's worse is he's saying this all in a completely serious way, like these are actually things he'd consider a joke.]

[kinship]

Of course not!

[He looks a little shocked. He said JOKE not MURDER. Geez. But he doesn't see the need to hide it. After all, if the joke had succeeded then it hardly would have been a secret, would it?]

It was some laxatives, that's all.

[encored]

That's all, is it? [THAT'S ALL he says, like he really did expect poison or glass.... it's a good thing he views pranks as a level of humor beneath him, or he'd accidentally kill more people that way than he ever has with his emotional rampages.]

Don't do that again. It's a hassle to be rid of things like that.

[kinship]

[Sigh. He is very disappointed with the result of this trick, Abel would have been doubled over and sobbing by now. But it is interesting to learn more about Charles' physiology.]

Does that work on all poisons? It's quite impressive.

[encored]

[Abel is one of those individuals whose reactions no one wants to replicate are truly unique....

but both question and comment receive a lazy "yeah yeah I know it's impressive" kind of shrug.]

Of course. There isn't a substance I've come across that my body can't break down.

[kinship]

[That's very interesting, and he'll just file that away for future reference.]

Have you tested it on many substances, then?

[encored]

[the corners of his lips twitch upward momentarily BUT HEY this is an audition for butlers, not a "let's discuss the wayward physiology of a monster" hour. he waves a hand.]

More or less. At any rate, over the counter drugs will most certainly never work, so I suggest you stick to stirring laxatives into the tea of others to get your cheap laughs in.

[kinship]

I'll certainly remember that from now on.

[Which just means he will find other ways to troll you. BEWARE!]

[encored]

[HE'LL BE ON HIS GUARD NOW see if he ever accepts any food or drink from you again.

but for now, he'll just stand from his chair after pushing the offending tea and brownie to the edge of the table.]

Well then, you know where the exit is. Please see yourself out.

[kinship]

[For once... maybe because he tried to poison Charles and he's miffed it didn't go well, he's actually obeying.

Raising a hand in farewell, he mooches off out the door.]