❦ the fifth rose

[silpheed]

PHONE;
[HELLO MAYFIELD the day of reckoning has come. meaning you get not one irritated, bossy and rude immortal on your phone lines today, you get two!!]

As most of you know, things are getting rather busy around here. That means there's less and less time for menial tasks and chores.

Because that is the case, we have decided that now is the best time to look for some sort of hired help. After all, I doubt that you people really have anything better to do. [RACHEL PLS at least try to make a good impression.] If you are such a person--and you likely are--and also excel at household chores, we now have a proposition for you.

We'll be holding a short audition at the high school auditorium at noon sharp today for those who are interested. Don't fret about pay, it will be a rate which you certainly won't deserve. [now it's tagteam bad impressions...]

If you're late, please do not waste our time by coming. That will be enough of an indicator that you would do a poor job serving. With that said though, I look forward to any who come to audition. It may be difficult, but do your best to at least be somewhat competent. [what a charming young lady you have the potential to serve right]

Thank you in advance for your consideration, and enjoy the rest of your morning. [no it's too late to fix the rudeness of this phone call now but he apparently doesn't see anything wrong with ending on this note...]

ACTION;
[for those brave souls who actually decide to go see what this thing is all about, they'll find a sign on the outside of the auditorium doors that simple says "auditions here" in neat script. inside the auditorium itself, the stage is well-lit and a table is set up in front of it, where Rachel and Charles are currently sitting with a couple of papers, pencils and what appears to be half of a tea set.

APPROACH WITH CAUTION the judgment begins before you even step on the stage...]

Comments

[encored]

[a dismissive handwave!] You don't need to be adequate with children to work with us.

[answerer_sword]

But...both of you seem young.

[encored]

Should I have specified that we aren't looking for body guards or babysitters? I shouldn't need to narrow down the requirements when we already stated them quite clearly over the phone, you know. That's a bit troublesome.

[sighs and shakes his head and marks a big fat 0 on a fresh sheet of paper]

[answerer_sword]

So those functions are not included in household services...

[She takes a while to think about what she should do next.]

Would...you like me to help you take notes for the other applicants?

[encored]

Naturally. Don't you think we would have advertised for them separately if we were in need of anything other than someone to take care of domestic chores?

[that suggestion earns her a mildly skeptical look] Do you believe that you have the makings of a fair judge?

[answerer_sword]

I can take objective notes and leave you to evaluate.

[encored]

Do you think we're incapable of taking sufficient notes? [run Bazett just run...]

[answerer_sword]

I believe you might like to relax from the stress of note-taking every so often.

[She has no idea why these children seem to be taking offense to everything she says.]

[encored]

[to be entirely accurate, the sign on the door should have read rude vampires being rude all day every day: butler hunt edition.]

Your idea of what could be considered stressful seems a little skewed.

[answerer_sword]

Would you not like a helper who can consider your needs?

[encored]

I would like a cleaning staff that doesn't manage to be a bit daft and condescending in the same try.

[answerer_sword]

I am doing my best to be respectful.

[She has not yet pointed out how condescending her new potential employers were being.]

But forgive me if I spoke bluntly.

[encored]

Well, I've already made my decision. [a sloping, lazy shrug.]

If you can manage to sway Rachel, I'll certainly rethink it.

[answerer_sword]

...Thank you for your consideration.

[After all that effort...she was probably going to fail this.]

[encored]

Thank you for your attendance. [somehow he manages to make even the most polite words sound horribly condescending, whoops...]

[answerer_sword]

You are welcome, I suppose.