second waning gibbous ☾

[werewolfoflondon]

[action - 1485 Kramden]

[Honestly, those sword-fighting "lessons" with Crown had been far less "lessons" and much closer to "beating Remus' face in with a piece of wood." The day following had found him laying very, very still on the couch and rather wishing he were dead. Now, he's simply approaching everything quite gingerly.

Going about his daily life in excruciating pain. My, but this feels familiar. Perhaps he's simply a glutton for punishment.

Reasoning that perhaps it won't be quite so bad if he binds it, Remus has left the bathroom door cracked, and -- shirt abandoned on the floor -- is trying to work out the best method of wrapping ace bandage around all of the bruises on his badly-mottled torso. Most of his ribs and abdomen are an angry purple bruise at this point, but the shirts hide it well.

When he hears the front door, he pokes his head out of the bathroom.]

Lily? Is that you?


[action - library; later]

[Torso properly bound, Remus feels far more confident in his ability to venture out into public. Granted, cycling to the library isn't exactly comfortable, but he contents himself with the knowledge that he'll be able to barricade himself in an armchair with a stack of books when he arrives.

And that is precisely what he does.]

Comments

[bespell]

You think they're a bad influence on one another? [Lily looks back at her housemate, not bringing up his slip. Yet.]

[werewolfoflondon]

Oh undoubtedly. I can't figure out which is worse on the other, though. It's a question as old as time itself, and one I'm quite sure will never be answered besides.

[bespell]

What would you have me do, Remus?

Were you in my shoes, should I go... For it? Would you?

[werewolfoflondon]

If I were in your shoes? Absolutely. And I'm not-- you know, just saying that because James is my mate. If I thought he'd be crap to you, I'd tell you to absolutely avoid him.

But he's always been crazy about you. He always will be. And given the change, he would make you his entire reason for life. [Remus offers a small grin.] He'd worship you. It's rather pathetic, really.

[bespell]

[It's one thing hearing it from pink faced Potter, all flustered and desperate, and then hearing Remus rationalize his reaction so perfectly. Lily doesn't take the advice lately.]

What about you?

[werewolfoflondon]

[Remus' brow rises.]

What about me?

[bespell]

What if it were you, being confessed to?

[werewolfoflondon]

If it were me, I'm fairly sure it wouldn't matter.

[Remus sighs. The other Marauders are quite used to Remus' special brand of self-deprecation, but he's not entirely sure he wants to expose Lily to the full breadth of it.]

I've sort of-- just resigned myself to a life of solitude. Given my condition, I don't precisely have much to offer.

[bespell]

You're too hard on yourself. I suppose there's no talking yourself out of it, yeah? [Lily knows pity is the last thing he needs right now, and she chooses her words carefully.]

[werewolfoflondon]

There's nothing to talk myself out of. I'm not being hard on myself, I'm being realistic. It's doubtful I'll be able to maintain a job after graduation, I'll probably be relying on Sirius and James for a good deal of my living expenses, and that's only if we manage to find a flat together. Not that I won't try of course, but-- the background checks, you know? I'm registered with the Ministry.

Besides, I can't risk passing this on. I can't-- wouldn't wish this on anyone, much less my own child. It's not a risk I'm willing to take. What kind of life could I offer a significant other, all things considered? I could be the wittiest, funniest, most loving bloke in the world, but certain realities would tend to detract from that, don't you think?

Unless, of course, I happen to find someone who's independently wealthy and can't bear children. That, I suppose, would be ideal. But really, what are the chances I'll be able to woo a girl like that?

[bespell]

[From the sound of it, Remus's given this some serious thought, so Lily doesn't argue, nodding patiently and keeping her thoughts to herself until he's done.]

Do you think whoever loves will not want to bear the good and the bad with you?

[werewolfoflondon]

I think it's too much bad for the potential good. [Remus smiles distantly.] They might be okay with it at first, but they'd come to resent me later, for the things I can't be, more than what I am.

[bespell]

For a good person, you need to have more faith in other people.

[Lily sighs, her head drooping on her knees.] It's not fair. You can't start judging others for what has yet to pass.

[werewolfoflondon]

I can judge people however I wish. [Clearly meant to be a joke, judging by Remus' lop-sided grin. Though it's difficult to tell if he truly believes what comes next:]

Isn't it better to save them the pain?

[bespell]

Isn't it rather selfish to think that way? You want to do the noble thing, but you have to let other people make their own choices.

We can't decide for others how to live their lives. Some... Mistakes need to be made if we want to grow up. I had someone I used to cushion against everything, and forgive too quickly, but he had to deal with the consequences of his own choices, eventually.

[werewolfoflondon]

I hardly think I'm depriving anyone of a relationship like that.

[Remus frowns, glaring up at the ceiling with a rather petulant expression.]

How is it selfish, not wanting to pass this along? Or burden someone with taking care of me for all my life? I've pushed that on plenty enough unfortunate people, I think.

[bespell]

Because you're denying someone else the chance to love you. [Lily says softly, eventually.]

[werewolfoflondon]

[Remus laughs bitterly, glaring up at the ceiling.]

And who would want to do that?

[bespell]

[Turning halfway from her seat on the floor, Lily reaches around to squeeze Remus's hand, not saying anything else, letting her fingers press down reassuringly.]

[werewolfoflondon]

[Remus' smile turns gentle, and he lifts Lily's hand to press a soft kiss to her thumb.]

Don't worry about me, Lils. I've come to terms with it.

[bespell]

I'll try not to. [But you can't turn off compassion like water, so concern lingers in Lily's eyes.]