First Saga

[her_saga]

[To say that Excel was adaptive would be an understatement. Not only is she quite accustomed to being thrown in prison by the Immigration Bureau, she has spent the past few weeks living out in the streets. Hell, she even managed to build her own makeshift house and eat off of plants growing on the ground, pigeons, and the contaminated fish swimming in the dirty city rivers. Roughing it is not at all a big deal for a girl like her.

To find herself suddenly awake in a house, however, is. She wakes up with or without the help of the alarms and looks around with eyes covered by still heavy eyelids. Everything around her seems much... nicer. Far more, well... bourgeois than what she is already accustomed to. She looks down at her left and sees a... man? Woman? Possibly a man.

... Why the hell is there even a man next to her?

Sparing no time at all, Excel raises her foot and kicks the man out of the bed before attempting to pin him down.]

Thought you could get away with it, didja!? You find some girl out in the streets, drug her, take her back to your house, and think everything is still peaches and cream!? No! No! Bad boy! But I bet you wouldn't have thought that this girl you kidnapped is a master of fifty different killing techniques!

My entire body is a hardened weapon to be used as willed by Lord Il Palazzo in his grand quest, not by some lonely, bourgeois... ... shemale?

[Action: 1767 Beaver]

[Forget that shemale. Kidnapper or not, she's going to take advantage of this as much as possible. It's not like she's footing the bill on anything anyway. Downstairs, Excel is pulling out just about everything from inside the fridge from the meat to the vegetables to the... glass of milk. With some bread, she can make this into quite the sandwich. After frying up the meat, she grabs the two slices of bread, puts them together, she starts scarfing it down as she stands.]

... Ohh.

I haven't had a decent square meal in weeks. But with this sandwich, this alone, I believe I may fight for yet another hundred years! ... eh, still hungry.

[Phone]

SPIDERS! HORRIBLE ARANEIDE INVADERS DOWN MY THROAT! WHAT THE BULL IS IN THIS MILK!? HAS SCIENCE BRED A HORRIBLE COMBINATION OF A COW AND ARACHNID!? A COWRACHNID!?

THROAT, ITCHING, BURNING! SPIDER MILK!

Comments

[her_saga]

Beauty is the least of my concern! What I want from you is information. Where is this place and who are you?

Start talking or I'll make a mark on that pretty face.

[buildstherobots]

…You wouldn't dare.

[her_saga]

Not if you answer everything thoroughly, I won't.

[buildstherobots]

How do I know you'll even believe me? You might mar my beautiful face for spite!

[her_saga]

[God, he's starting to sound like Elgala...]

Look, I'm fine with invoking terrorism for the good cause, but your face isn't the national treasure that you think it is. Think about it! I coulda hit you (again) right now or a while ago if I wanted to!

Just tell me and we'll see how things kick off from there, mm'kay?

[buildstherobots]

Just let me up and I can! I-- look, brute, I wrote an introduction letter several months ago. It's out of date and I no longer circulate it, but if you'll get your filthy hands off of me I'll make an exception!

[her_saga]

[... Well, okay, he is fairly weak. Whatever he has up is sleeve can probably be taken care of. Excel gives a frown and as ordered, removes her body from Dist's. She stands up and allows him to stand as well.]

[buildstherobots]

[Dist puffs himself up as well as he can without his plumage, straightening as he stands and doing his best to maintain some kind of dignity in spite of the fact that he's wearing only pink silk sleeping pants and his hair is an utter mess. This last part he attempts to correct with his fingers as he approaches a drawer and digs through it, finally producing a rather worn few sheets of typed paper.]

Some of the details have changed since it was written, but I plan on updating and rereleasing it once I have an accurate chronology. ...And when the people in this city decide to respect me.