Sprig 02: This is getting to be a habit...

[grumpiest_tree]

Part A | Phone | Thursday

[If you pick up the phone early enough, you might hear the strained sigh of the Planet X Monarch before he begins speaking.]

So tell me, do all Earth holidays require the death of plants to celebrate them?

I mean, I was willing to bite my da'st what is it called, oh right tongue when most of you were waving the dead flowers in each others faces, mostly because it seemed they were thankfully blooming everywhere and alive elsewhere, but then last night they just all wilt and die by some kind of strange order? It's enough to make this Monarch weep.

Now, I know this is mostly this "town's" doing, but the killing of flowers, essentially what a plant uses to reproduce, as a gesture of affection in the hopes of procreation? That is just horrible. I want you all to know I am disappointed.

Part B | Action | Inside 5721 Cunningham Lane | Early Friday Morning

[Groot has been trying hard to take things easily. He's still been learning about the town here and there, but some things are still puzzling. Like his Christmas gifts. One he recognized, even if it had some bitter memories tied to it, but the other... Well, it was merely like one of those before and after pictures during one of his recoveries after a Guardians mission. He had no idea what the point of it was.

Or at least he didn't until he was making some breakfast and cut himself. Annoyed about the pain, he tried to do the normal human thing and suck on the wound before getting a bandage. Except the wound was gone. He looked again. Yep, healed right up.]

...Well this is new. Still, I wonder how much of my regenerative ability I now have. Now what would be the best way to find out...

[Groot glances around, contemplating this, and then his eyes land upon the cutlery drawer...]

Part C | Phone | Shortly After Part B

D'ast it all, how do you humans stand having so many pain receptors?!?

I merely chop off one of these finger things and I felt I was going to faint from the pain!

Oh, and now I'm leaking sap, no, I mean blood, everywhere. I swear, being a mammal is just one annoyance after another!

Part D | Grocery Store | Later That Day

[Despite his morning, Groot has a job to do. And if anything, he understands responsibility. Of course, that doesn't mean he has to be happy about it.

So anybody picking up groceries today, there's a surly looking guy at the cash register. Or stocking the shelves. And he has his hand and pinkie finger completely surrounded in bandages.]

Comments

C

[moemoetentacles]

Yeah, humans are pretty stupid.

C

[grumpiest_tree]

[Groot has the phone tucked against his shoulder as he bandages his hand, so there might be some shuffling sounds in the background.]

I'll say! If anything this human biology is nothing but one huge inconvenience. Why this town imposes it on some of us is a policy I would love to greatly discuss with whoever is in charge. Preferably with some weapons.

[moemoetentacles]

It's okay, you'll be back to whatever it was you were before after a while. It took a few months before I had all my squid powers back.

[grumpiest_tree]

I heard about that, and I just got back some of my regenerative ability, but if these annoyances keep stacking up, I'm not sure what I might do...

[moemoetentacles]

You could always go to the post office.

[grumpiest_tree]

...And why would the post office be of help?

[moemoetentacles]

You can trade for stuff you used to have at home. They'll take something else, though.

C

[princeofjunes]

You chopped off a finger? Are you crazy?!

I can't believe- why would you-

...

Look, at least go bandage the damn thing before you use the phone!

C

[grumpiest_tree]

I'm not crazy, I am a scientist and royalty!

And I am bandaging it. This blood just moves much faster than sap...

[princeofjunes]

[There's the sound of him taking a few deep breaths to calm himself]

Okay, I've been here long enough to figure out how this works. You used to be a tree.

But shouldn't a scientist know better then to just cut off a limb?

[grumpiest_tree]

A small branch isn't too hard regrow, and as I seemed to have gotten back that ability to some extant, it felt like this was the quickest way to test the limits.

I was just not prepared for how much pain it would entail.

[princeofjunes]

[He lets out a sigh - this is one argument he can't win]

Alright, fair enough. Anything else you need to know about being human before you try any other experiments?

[grumpiest_tree]

[There's a pause of if Groot is considering what other things he could try before answering.]

No, not at the moment. But I will definitely look into it before I try anything else.

D

[demonizes]

[Normally Rin's in and out of the grocery store without talking to much of anyone since the majority of the workers were drones. But...]

What happened to your hand?

D

[grumpiest_tree]

[Groot looks over at the person addressing him, then at his hand, then back to the person. Then answers with a very frank and impersonal tone.]

I cut off my finger.

D

[demonizes]

You did what?! [He sputters out, nearly dropping the loaf of bred he had in his hands.]

I mean-sorry-but you went to the hospital right? You're okay??

D

[grumpiest_tree]

[Groot is a little surprise at the concern but gives a nod.]

Yes, I'm fine now, thanks. It hurt like a son of a slag, but it's healing fine now. To be honest, I probably should have done a little more research on human and mammal biology before trying that test, but I didn't really think I'd find the appropriate books easily here in this town. That's also partly why I didn't bother going to the hospital.

D

[demonizes]

[Rin's a bit of a bleeding heart.]

... Are you tell me, you cut it off yourself? Because you weren't sure what would happen??

D

[grumpiest_tree]

I guess in simplest terms, yes. Call it a scientific curiosity, if you will.

Though I had an inkling what may happen, and the limb healing was pretty accurate. Just now I know the pain involved in limb loss and how long the repair takes as a mammal, as opposed to what I'm normally used to.

A

[woodsiequeen]

I have always found the tradition of giving dead flowers as a gift to be a tad unsettling. Most don't even have the decency to dry them first. Very unromantic.

A

[grumpiest_tree]

Exactly! The death of a plant to promote love seems hardly a charming gesture.

A

[woodsiequeen]

In my experience, mankind tends to hold little regard for that which does not talk or move like they do. A living or dead flower, it's all the same to them.

I would advise you to stay away from the flower shop, it is a very unpleasant place.

A

[grumpiest_tree]

Yes, it's not really just mankind, I've found. Most humanoid species tend to feel that way as well. Whether Kree, Skrull, or Shi'ar.

But a flower shop? How charming. I can imagine though, this town has me working at the grocery store. Helping people choose produce is not very pleasant either...

A

[woodsiequeen]

I've only had the pleasure of dealing with man. It pains me to hear that this ignorance is more widespread than I thought.

It boggles. They pick the fruit from the tree, store it in a box, then leave it sitting in ice for days. It's so undignified.

A

[grumpiest_tree]

Yes well, thankfully, sometimes a simple reminder is all people need to reconsider such narrowed views...

And you're right it is quite undignified. To be honest, how most animals gathered energy or digest their nutrition is pretty inelegant as well.