♋ 26

[crusthatecean]

[action;]

[Karkat hasn't really slept in days, but he comes to in the morning of February 6, the groggy, drugged state he's been in wearing off, and he realizes with sudden clarity that he isn't in pain anymore. Oh, it still hurts, his limbs are stiff and ache to move and his wrists are throbbing and raw and he has a nauseating headache, but the agonizing pain that's completely consumed his consciousness for a length of time he wouldn't even be able to guess at is gone. The first day back from his surgery, he was able to stay lucid enough to make audio hook calls, to tell Gamzee what to do. But following that, he's spent the past several days closed in on himself completely, drifting too much from the sopor and the sensation of being burnt alive to focus on anything but the thing on his wrists.

It's like reviving, it's like being alive again, because what he's been for however long he's been can't really be called alive. He opens his eyes and looks down at his wrists; several inches of his skin where the cuffs had been have been burned raw and bloody red; he doesn't dare to touch it, but he knows it will be painful and he knows it's likely to get infected. It doesn't matter; he should have died from what they did to him, but he didn't, he's still here, and he's not really okay but he's okay enough to shove all of his fear and horror and the memories of those helpless and torturous previous days somewhere beneath the surface where everything else that hurts and terrifies him goes. He can function as though he's okay, and that has long since replaced okay as normal for him.

Gamzee is sleeping half on top of him and he can't bring himself to be annoyed at all; just thinking of everything they've both been through during all this makes him miserable but also fond at his stupid useless moirail who took care of him the whole time he was such a mess. He doesn't want to wake him up, so he extracts himself gingerly and goes to the hygiene block to clean himself up, checking the date on the calendar on the way there.

He needs it, but he doesn't have the energy to shower and the thought of anything, even cool water, touching his wrists makes him want to vomit, so instead he carefully washes his face and looks at himself in the mirror. He looks exhausted, he looks like death, and according to the calendar that was five days, five days of torture. Five days of the torture that killed his ancestor, and he survived it. In a way, he's almost proud, even if he knows Mayfield kept him alive and he gladly would have died if he hadn't meant Gamzee would have had to be the one to do it, but that's the way he wants to feel so he doesn't lock that one away.

He looks down at his wrists, and he has to do something, he has to, they'll get infected, but he doesn't want to look at or touch them and finally he just bites his lip and wraps gauze and bandages around them; it will have to do for now.]


[Phone]

[He's a little unsure about calling; he doesn't really remember even half of what he said while he was drugged, and he isn't sure whether what he remembers really happened or if he dreamed it. But he has to let everyone know he's back to normal and to see how everyone else is doing, make sure everyone made it back all right.]

It's Karkat. Has everyone mostly gone back to normal?

For all the fucking good it did everyone, it's about time I passed out the shitty monthly list of places you can maybe go to get a healer or save your life. Okay, but I'm fucking sorry about this, I can't use a typewriter right now, so you'll just have to deal with the awful state it's in for this month. It's at 1338 Benny, I don't have unlimited copies that haven't been drooled on, so copy from someone else.

I also had an idea proposed to me that I think is worth pursuing, but as I'm sure no one is clamoring for more sickening alt caps it may be a while before I put it together. In addition to doctors and healers, there are plenty of other fucking useful skills some of us might have. Mechanical prowess or having a husktop available for use or the ability to find your own asshole for those who can't, I don't know. Just tell me if you can do something useful or if there's something you're looking for, and we can pool resources.

That's about it.

((The month's list is available in the mailbox at Karkat's hive, but instead of the typical list, it looks like this.))

[Filtered to 6 Sweep Trolls, Kids, and Signless and Psiionic]

Yeah. Okay. Sorry for whatever stupid shit I said or did the past few days, it's not my fucking fault. How is everyone doing?

Comments

action

[echidna]

[ Jade is no longer bursting into tears at the littlest things, though she is still glowing an unhealthy radiation green. She hasn't spoken to Karkat since the recovery room, realizing now that her head's a bit more clear that she had been avoiding him specifically. So now that she's much more herself, checking on him has become a top priority.

She knocks on his door gently, pausing with her hand on the door knob. ]

Karkat?

[crusthatecean]

[And he'll come let her in right away; he remembers what a mess she was, although he was never conscious enough to understand exactly what had been done to her.]

Jade! Are you okay?

Phone

[afterthesky]

I might be able to help you in the future with making copies.

Re: Phone

[crusthatecean]

That would be fucking fantastic, everyone I know types like their pan is leaking out their aurical sponge clots and instead of typing they're just smearing the cranial fluid all over the page.

action 1338

[godcomplexed]

[Now that the Doctor can remember who he is most of the time, he stumbles back towards his home. He hadn't been there since he and Gamzee... He wonders what happened to him now, to Karkat, to the TARDIS, and to Jade. Part of him wonders if it was a good thing he stayed away from them for the past five days or so.

His movement is slow, as each step jars his damaged arm and ribs. Eventually he comes to the door of Karkat's room where he last spoke to Gamzee. He raises his arm to knock on the door. But he falters, just before his fist hits the wood, when he hears movement on the other side. He stands there, unable to get himself to move and see whoever is inside.]

[crusthatecean]

[He's opening the door to maybe go downstairs and get some food.]

Doctor?

Shit, what happened to you?

[cullscuttlefish]

[Feferi is not fine, and the fact that people she is so close to are hurting and have hurt themselves and she couldn't stop any of it is the reason.

She had been able to handle it for a while. She could deal with the Condesce. She could deal with Signless even though that broke her heart. Where she went downhill? The reactions to her death. Not being able to stop the bloodshed when the second small Glub went off, killing so many people - Milla and Psiioniic and Sollux, while Signless and Condesce killed each other - and yet leaving her alive. Alive and bleeding out everywhere, but she was still alive.

The situation with Grimsley stabbing himself to make the visions he was seeing stop was her last breaking point. She has really not been okay since then.

All she wants to do is make them - and Feferi can't even define 'them' properly anymore - pay. But she'll pretend for now, even though the cracks around her edges are clear in her voice.]

It's okay. No one was thinking straight.

I'm fine.

[crusthatecean]

[He pauses, carefully considering his words. Feferi sounds awful, and he's worried, he's worried that she's hurt, he's worried that there's something wrong with her and she's hiding it. Maybe because she doesn't want to talk about it, maybe because she knows what a mess he's in and doesn't want to bother him.

But if he asks her what's wrong, maybe she'll ask him the same question, maybe she'll expect an answer, and he can't do that right now, he just can't.

Still, he's worried about her, so he pulls himself the fuck together.]

You don't really sound fine.

[roadrolling]

[it takes Len a moment to realize whose voice he's hearing. his hearing was strange and shallow and flat when they met, and the troll's voice doesn't seem to have the same strained, painful quality to it now. but music is Len's life, and he'd never forget a voice.]

♪ My sister and I have a roadroller, we can use that for transportation or as a weapon, or both. And she has a computer, if that'd help anyone? [He has no idea what a "husktop" is supposed to be, but a computer seems to fit in the category of "useful stuff".

he hesitates only a moment before asking his next question:]

♪ ... are you okay, now?

[He remembers what Rin said about the need to make allies, in this place. And he hasn't been able to forget the sight of those unquenchable burning shackles.]

[crusthatecean]

What do you--

[It takes him a moment; the voice is not easily recognizable, but the fact that he was blind in the hospital makes it easier to at least make the connection with the voice here and the muffled sounds from before.]

Oh. That was you? With the water and shit?

[Phone]

[noluckduck]

Hey, uh... Thanks. For the other day. Even if I didn't look too grateful back then.

[crusthatecean]

It's not fucking worth mentioning. We all know that everyone was a messy pile of shit through all of that.

[miraculls]

[The first thing he notices when he wakes up is the absence of the pain and cravings. After an entire week of constant agony, after the past few days where the only thing that kept him from ripping himself and everyone else apart was knowing his moirail needed him, it's such a surprise and blessed relief that for a few moments, all he can do is lay there and breathe.

The second thing he notices is that Karkat is no longer there with him.

He snaps upright, scrambling to his feet and glancing around the room frantically, running a hand through his hair.]

Best friend? Karkat? [There's a thread of panic in his voice - he's spent every second of the past few days glued firmly to Karkat's side that he doesn't know what he'll do if they somehow managed to take him away again while his guard was down.]

[crusthatecean]

I'm in here.

[He's finishing bandaging himself, but he's quick to respond; he knows Gamzee will be anxious if he isn't there. But he's coming out of the bathroom as soon as he hears Gamzee ask for him, hands up to show that the cuffs are gone.]

I'm right here, it's fine.

phone; nothing??

[cueball]

[He doesn't care to talk to Karkat after that incident.

But, he may as well say this now than leave it for later.]

Don't think I'll forget how you cast the first stone.

[Said in his sickeningly polite tone, before putting down the phone.]

[crusthatecean]

[He doesn't respond, just hangs up the phone himself, but immediately his mood is brought down. Yes, he hasn't forgotten, though it's all a blur. How fucking stupid, how incredibly pathetic, he doesn't know why he thought he could possibly get away with that but there's no excuse, and he knows he's put everyone in danger with his selfishness now.]

Phone

[sparkling_eyes]

I have healing magic, if you'd like to add me to the list. I told Lucas about it before, but it doesn't look like the information was passed on. My name is Lyon, and I like at 747 Partridge with Miakis.

[crusthatecean]

Sure, what kind of bullshit does this healing magic do?

[ooeeooahah]

Karkat? Would you like help with the list? I can type it at work, and get some copies made.

[ Ilsa's voice is soft, and perhaps a little shaky. ]

Having the other skill sets represented would be a good idea, too. I can ask around here to see who wants to be on the list for which skills.

[crusthatecean]

That would be great, my dumbass clown bro has exhausted his limited dictation abilities.

[doudemoe]

I have a laptop.

[crusthatecean]

Good to know. Anything particularly useful on it?

Phone, filtered

[a1a100]

I'm fine. My head still hurts like a bitch but it's not as terrible as it's been for the past few days.

[crusthatecean]

Oh fuck. You're back.

[Yeah, guess who was too drugged to remember their previous conversation.]

[polariity]

I wath kind of hoping I could avoid dying for a lot longer than that, but trutht a theadweller to go and meth that up...

What about you? What happened?

[crusthatecean]

[There's a small part of him that debates telling Psiionic everything. He at least might understand what he went through, five days of that, might understand the way it crushes him a little to think about, maybe even be a little impressed that he withstood it, think of him differently...

But he can't, he doesn't want him to know, he doesn't want anyone to know. He knows the comparison was only made as a cruel joke at his expense and he already is picturing the way he thinks the Psiionic would really react. He wouldn't see someone strong, he'd only see some pathetic wiggler copy tortured for the crimes of someone who actually mattered.]

It wasn't a big deal. I got fucked around with a little and then my dumbfuck moirail drugged me to the horns, so I've been out of commission for the past few days.

[wweh]

[Eridan... has seen better days. He's still feeling the hurt from his experiences with what they did to Jade... and seeing the state Feferi has been in hasn't been helping matters much either.]

Of course I'm fine, Kar. Never felt fuckin' better...

[crusthatecean]

Okay, stop whining, unless something happened to you I'm unaware of, I really am not in the mood to hear it.

[nosigntospeakof]

Better than I was. [His volume is back to a normal now at least, no more whispers or struggling to breathe.] Much better.

What about you? Are you alright? How's Gamzee?

[crusthatecean]

I'm all right. So is Gamzee.

[And he appreciates the excuse to change the discussion from himself, and he appreciates that Signless would ask about Gamzee.]

What they did to him was so fucking awful. It's over now, he's back to normal except for his horns, and they'll grow back in.

Phone

[hardhat_truckie]

I'm an Engineer if that counts fer somethin', an' I have a degree in Medicine as well as a machine that can patch people up it. I don't claim ta be a doctor, but I know enough ta keep people alive.

[crusthatecean]

It sounds worth knowing about.

Address?

[silver_soldier]

[There's a beat.] ...you are Karkat Vantas?

[crusthatecean]

Last time I checked.