－２: 『What color are they?』

[negative]

[phone, middle of the night]

[ Kumagawa's been here a month now, and though he's gotten pretty used to his new life in Mayfield, he still feels homesick from time to time. He misses his family, his friends, his enemies, his comic books, his pornography . . .

But most of all, he misses being around his own kind. Sure, he's managed to make a new friend or two, but it just isn't enough. They aren't Minuses. They aren't epic failures at life, like him.

And so, out of loneliness and the desire to wage war on all Pluses, Kumagawa has decided to start a new Minus 13 Party, filled with all the misfits, outcasts, and losers residing in Mayfield! And what better way to weed out the Minuses from the general population, than by conducting a phone survey? ]

『Hello! How are you this evening? This is famous Japanese celebrity and heartthrob, Kimura Takuya a.k.a. Kimutaku! Yes, that Kimutaku! Aren't you lucky? Anyway, it's time for a pop quiz! I will be asking you a series of questions about my extensive acting career, and if you answer everything correctly, you win the chance to be my co-star in my upcoming movie, 「Why Am I So Handsome?」!!』

『. . . I'm totally lying, by the way, but I still need you to answer a few simple questions about yourself.』

[ If the person on the other line hasn't hung up yet, Kumagawa proceeds with the survey. ]

『So, let's begin! True or false: 「If I were in a manga, I would be the main character」.』

[ He doesn't even give the person enough time to answer, before asking the next question. ]

『On a scale of negative thirteen to positive thirteen, with negative thirteen being strongly agree and positive thirteen being strongly disagree, please answer how you feel about the following statement: 「I am ugly, inside and out」.』

[ The same goes for question number three. ]

『What is your current favorite serialization in 「Weekly Shounen Jump」?』

[ And so on. ]

『Fourthly and lastly, and this is the single most important question of all, since it can only be answered by girls!』

『What color are your panties? Aaaand that concludes the survey! Now, please provide your answers in reverse order, starting with question number four.』

Comments

[noluckduck]

[What. What did she just. What.] ...

Fuck you!

[negative]

『Oh my! So rude! There's no need for profanity, miss. It's unbecoming of a lady to use that kind of language.』

『. . . So, what are they? Pink? Orange? Black, maybe? Are they frilly?』

[noluckduck]

No! It's none of your fuckin' business! Who the hell are ya?!

[gezellig]

Are you done wasting time on the phone lines?

[There's nothing rude or even snappish about his tone when he asks the question; Holland is merely asking.]

[negative]

『Eeeh? What do you mean? I'm not wasting time, sir! I'm conducting a very important survey! In fact, you're the one wasting my time by taking so long to answer my questions!』

[gezellig]

I'm not going to answer your questions.

[How does that make you feel.]

But everybody uses the phone.

[littleredwolf]

[Most of the phone call is gibberish to Sansa, but she understands the last question - and gasps. He wants to know the color of her smallclothes? Gods be true, some people here are so uncivilized.]

You shouldn't ask such vulgar questions!

[negative]

『Vulgar? Nonsense! What's so vulgar about a simple little survey? I'm only trying to gauge your personality! No harm there.』

[ A beat, then: ]

『I'm guessing they're white. Am I correct?』

[littleredwolf]

[adfklj]

That is none of your concern. I am a lady and I will not be spoken to in such a foul way.

[wrench_and_ruffles]

[Kaylee is generally pretty open about... anything, but there are limits]

That ain't the sorta question a person should go askin' total strangers!

[negative]

『Ah?!』 [ Cue shock and surprise. ] 『So, it's not all right to ask strangers about their favorite manga?! Oh no! What a fool I've been! I'm so embarrassed!!』

[wrench_and_ruffles]

You know gorram well that ain't what I meant.

[logic_and_magic]

[What the hell is this kid on?]

Do you normally ask stupid questions at this time of night?

[negative]

『Mmn . . . not really! This is actually my first time! Also, you can't answer a question with another question. That's against the rules! So, beginning with question three, what is your answer?』

[logic_and_magic]

My answer, I do not even know what that is. Now answer my question.

[battlestations]

[So way more than half of this has gone over Nigel's head, because what are Japanese things

But wow, if you could hear him rolling his eyes.]

Teenagers. What is it you people find so important about underwear, anyway?

[negative]

[ Maybe Nigel should ask Wally about anime and manga then, cuz that guy follows DBZ, right?

Cue a pause, as Kumagawa pulls the phone away and stares at it for several seconds. Seriously, what kind of moron would ask a question like that? Panties are the best!

When Kumagawa presses the phone to his ear again, he answers with: ]

『Eem . . . how old are you?』

[battlestations]

[It's not outright stated but there's an episode that implies that he would! I figure it's the kind of thing where they might catch it in English but wouldn't know the difference between manga and other comics.

Nigel thinks he heard a cricket in that pause. He replies matter-of-factly,]

11.

[likes2havesex]

Who?
You know what, never mind, I don't fucking care. What the fuck is wrong with you?

[1_truth]

Should you really be asking things like that at this time? I think most people are trying to sleep.

[snacklist]

[Al doesn't sleep, so he tends to spend his nights listening in to the phones just in case. He was not expecting to hear this.]

W-What?! Um... I'm not a girl, I can't start with number four, Mr. Takuya. And I don't think it's the sort of question you should be asking, anyway.

[unexculpable]

... The hell kind of question are these?