♥ good life choices

[priceofmagic]

[ action ♥ 335 Brady Lane ]
[ When Satou woke up from dying she was cold and miserable. Just like the last time, she's stuck in a state of being a corpse and feeling so miserable and scared that she flops back in her bed, curls up, and takes some of the morning to feel sorry for herself. Then gets up, covering her head with her bed;s blankets, and goes downstairs. Where she finds two packages. ]
Au... I think I'd rather have a pulse than mail right now...

[ phone ♥ ]

U-um... I'm back! I'm back... Hello. Sorry about being in the carnival, um... I got some mail. Did anyone else get packages?

[ She fiddles with her two new cards. One has her favorite magical girl dress on it and the other has a classic demon. ] I hope everyone got back from the carnival okay. Haruhi-san, do you have the newspaper I gave you? Um, maybe we should get together and look that over... Did anyone else find newspapers or anything useful in the carnival? Could you let me know? I'm Satou, um and. I'm curious.

[ Satou pauses, looking at the card with the demon on it and frowning. Unimpressed with her regain and not sure what it means. ] And um... Alphonse...san, Mr, um... If you're listening, um... I'm sorry, sir... I about not being nice.

[ action ♥ makeout point ]
[ Despite what would be considered "good judgment", Satou heads to makeout point a few hours after her initial phone call to try training her magic. She's frustrated after letting herself get killed again, even when she had her magic, and needs to vent some steam. ]

Hm... no one is here, I hope? I wonder what that second card means...

Comments

[priceofmagic]

A-au! Al! Um! H-hello!

[ She bows and nods. To the phone. ]

I-I'm okay! I'm here! I'm sorry! Are you? Okay and here and um, oh, you don't need to be sorry though.

[snacklist]

[There's the dull echo of a boy scratching the top of his metal head in confusion.]

Why are you sorry?

[Did something happen? He feels like he's missed something important.]

[priceofmagic]

I-I... Aren't you angry at me? For everything..? Didn't I make you worry?

[ Maybe she's thinking too much of herself again? Why would he worry? He probably forgot she was gone. ]

[snacklist]

[Oh.

His heart pangs a bit in his chest, why does she always do this? He wishes he knew what it would take to show her that she mattered and that was a GOOD thing.]

Of course I was worried, but I'm not angry. I was scared because... because I care about you, and now you're okay then I'm just relieved and happy. I'd never be angry that you were okay.

[priceofmagic]

O-oh... oh...

[ She realizes she's started crying. Which feels dumb and silly, since first off... dead people don't cry. This is stupid and her body should learn to be a better corpse. Second, why cry? None of those things he just said were hurtful.

Satou wipes her tears and swallows hard, not wanting to admit that she's happy to be worried about. That's so mean of her. She shouldn't be happy that people worry. ]

S-so... sorry, I-I... I'm sorry you were scared. I'm mostly all b-better now so...!

[snacklist]

[That soft sound, was she...? Has he said something wrong to upset her? His voice softens even further, quiet and gentle.]

You can tell me if something is wrong, you never have to be sorry with me.

[priceofmagic]

H-huh? S-sorry... sorry...

[ Exactly what he said she didn't need to do, but apologizing is something of a habit for her. ]

It's fine... I didn't find Edward though... I looked, b-but I really let you down. I-I found a newspaper, but I gave it to Haruhi-san, and I'm not sure if she got out s-since I d-die... [ Her voice trails off miserably. ] You're really not upset at me for being useless there?

[snacklist]

[Ah.

No...

His heart sinks when she cuts herself off, the end of that sentence painfully clear. He hates this place, he HATES it, why must it hurt all the people he cares about?]

...you weren't useless! Stop saying that! Stop it!

[priceofmagic]

Mmmmrrrrghm...! [ That was the sound of Satou not saying she was useless or even apologizing, which required that she bite her tongue. ]

S-sorry... sorry, I'll stop. [ She closes her eyes, trying to sort her thoughts and organize her selfish emotions. ] B-but were you safe here? Nothing bad happened?

[snacklist]

[Her asking about him just makes his irritation grow, voice rising higher with emotion as he grips the phone hard to his head.]

Stop worrying about everyone else! It's okay for people to be worried about you. You don't have to apologise and you don't have to feel bad, people worry because they care and they like you, that's not a bad thing!

[priceofmagic]

That's not true!!!

[ She didn't mean to, but she raises her voice to him. Immediately catching herself and dropping the phone. It takes her a few seconds to even want to pick the phone up again, afraid that she's going to start yelling again. Dropping the phone means dropping her card and reminding herself that she's regained something demonic, fueling her paranoia and adding to her post-carnival stress as she nears her breaking point. ]

It's not true. I don't want people to worry about me. I don't want to trouble people anymore. [ She mumbles a lie, more focused on keeping her horrible personality in check. Erasing her awful memories and taking a deep breath to get her breathless crying and urge to freak out under control. ] Sorry, Al... I didn't mean to yell. You didn't deserve that.

[snacklist]

[He doesn't understand why she has such a hard time accepting that she's worth people caring about her or worrying without getting angry too. He feels horrible for her, but at the same time... It's been months, and he's sure he's not the only person here to show her time and again that they're there for her, it hurts a little she doesn't trust that by now.]

I don't want to make people worry either! I want to be strong enough to protect myself and others, I don't want to see Brother or Winry cry ever again. But even if they do, it's only because they care about me so much, not because I've done a bad thing.

People care about you... I care about you. Why don't you believe me?

[priceofmagic]

I-It's not me. I'm a liar. I'm not a good girl at all.

[ She mumbles through her crying, not quite sure how much she needs to say or even how much she should. But it's been months since they met and Satou feels like she's been fake to him the entire time Years of having confidence brainwashed away beginning to show. ]

I'm not the person I've been pretending to be at all. For p-people to worry about me or care, they must be mistaken. Kuroneko Satou is a horrible girl. I know that, I've learned my lesson. So I-I've been pretending... I'm not really someone anyone'd like very much at all!

[snacklist]

STOP IT!

[It's shrill and high-pitched, both distressed and angry all at once. He can't stand to hear her talk like this, it goes against everything he believes in.]

I know how I feel and it's not a mistake. I don't think you're horrible, and I don't think you're pretending. I think you're scared... but if you want things to get better, you have to move forwards past the fear. You have to keep going even if it hurts, or you're never going to get somewhere better.

Don't you want to believe in yourself again? Don't you want to believe in your friends?

[priceofmagic]

B-but... [ she decides to give him credit. Enough to hush her crying.]

Al, you don't know anything about me. I'm keeping secrets... I might be really dangerous. I do horrible things. I'm not even a daughter worth remembering... [ Satou looks down at her card.] Is it okay for someone like that to have friends and believe in them?

[snacklist]

Everyone can have friends, Satou. Everyone.

...Maybe I don't know all your secrets, but you don't know all of mine either. Everyone does good and bad things, but they still deserve friends.

[priceofmagic]

Nnngh... Mm. I'm sorry for f-freaking out,I-I... Thank you. I guess I'm just being silly, be?

[she manages a meek laugh.]

[snacklist]

...don't pretend everything is okay when it's not, I don't want you to pretend.

[He wants to show her that he likes her for her, if she's brave enough to drop the act.]

[priceofmagic]

Y-yes, excuse me!!! I just... haven't done this... i-in a while. Back home, as soon as I take someone for granted and st-stop trying, they forget about me... I don't want Alphonse to forget me. Not right now...so I want to be careful. I don't want it to seem like I'm taking you for granted or anything, so I want to be careful!

[snacklist]

There's a big difference between taking someone for granted and not pretending. You shouldn't ever take your friends for granted or stop trying to be a good friend, but being a real friend means being yourself too.

[priceofmagic]

But what if everyone leaves me when I stop pretending?

[snacklist]

True friends won't, I promise.

[priceofmagic]

... Mou. Then um... Alphonse um. Sorry... For being difficult.

Thanks...

[snacklist]

[He won't tell her not to apologise again, he just sighs quietly.]

Mm.

[priceofmagic]

[ She considers ending this conversation by mentioning her regains and getting his take of them, but decides that's too gloomy. She's dead and cold and feeling stupidly conflicted, so instead draws in a deep breath and closes her eyes. ]

W-well then... [ Before grinning, and making sure her happiness can be heard in her voice as she continues. ] I've missed you! And I got some more of my magic back, I think! So from here on out, I promise to pull my weight and pay you back for the fun house! Thanks a bunch for that!