Mysteries

[a_gentle_boy]

[action, 846 Goldberg]
[It's been a long time since he's thought about the mystery surrounding the town. In his room, Lucas removes the third drawer of his dresser, dumps all of his clothing out, and takes out the small box that he had taped to the bottom of it. He spends some time reviewing his notes before reaching for the phone. If anyone walks in on him now, it's likely that they'll find him staring at a driver's license. The name is Richard Grey.]

[phone]
There are a few things I'd like to add to what's been being said over the phone lines.  Mayfield hasn't shown us anything new in a long time, so there are probably a lot of you who haven't heard this before.

Richard Grey, Evan Olney, a girl named Annie, and the man who's now Billy Smith were the first ones who tried to rebel against Mayfield.  Or... maybe they weren't the first; maybe they were just the only ones we've heard about.  There are others - Samantha Achewood was the first one to be droned.  William MacCready is the man we call the Mayor.  And the one who's really in charge of Mayfield is named Zemekis.  His first name is probably John.  There's not much we know about him except that he's in Lucy Smith's body, and he wants us all to stay in this town.  He's controlling the Milkman, too.  Or maybe the Milkman is controlling him.

These people fought their battle in a place called Westport.  They lost.  Billy Smith turned against them first, then Evan Olney betrayed them when it was just Richard and Annie left.  Evan became a man named Chief Grady, and for a long, long time, he was the one we all hated.  He carried out the dronings, he started some of the events.  Samantha Achewood became Jane Smith.  And Billy is Billy.

Both Evan and Samantha are dead now.  Samantha fought the droning and begged to die; Evan killed her out of sympathy.  Evan -- Chief Grady -- was punished by the town and killed as well.  This was just last year.  ...They're buried in the park.

If I had to guess, Annie is the town librarian.  She tried to escape last year during the April Fools' prank after fighting with Billy over the telephone, and she's the only other person who's ever talked about Richard Grey.

There are a lot of new people now -- the woman who did the surgeries, Jack Smith, the Postman.  ...And I don't think anyone ever figured out what happened to John Smith.  They might be Rick or Amy or the other people mentioned in the rest of the notes, but whatever the case, they're not on our side.  I think the Postman, at least, hates the town just as much as we do.

The really weird thing...

Richard Grey is dead.  His body was found in Westport two years ago.  This isn't the first time he's left us a message after he died, either.

Comments

[a_gentle_boy]

That probably depends on what you think it matters for. If the key to leaving Mayfield isn't beating the Mayor's head in until he lets us go, then it might be in understanding why we're here in the first place.

...I know you and your friends don't want to leave, but we all want Zemekis gone, at least.

[crusthatecean]

I actually don't know whether I want to leave. Almost everyone is gone now. But the ones still here, besides me and Gamzee, are the ones who can't go home.

...Ugh, whatever, like you care about that. The point is, just do what you want, I won't stop you.

[a_gentle_boy]

...Y-Yeah. There's been a lot of people leaving from your home, huh?

[He wonders if he should ask if Tavros was one of those who couldn't leave. ...But that could be saved for a quieter time.]

Um. Alright, then. ...You don't think the carnival or whatever's about to happen is worth exploring, then?

[crusthatecean]

No.

There won't be any point, like always. Some of us will probably die horribly and others will get to fondle themselves to sleep thinking about what a big shot detective puzzle solver they are. That's all.

[a_gentle_boy]

[Lucas manages a quiet laugh at that.]

That's pretty much right.

...I have to believe that finding out more about this place will help. Otherwise... there's nothing we can do at all. We just sit here and wait for them to hurt us. All the times that we've fought, all the times we've died... It would all be for nothing.

[crusthatecean]

I get that.

It is all for nothing. But I get the need to try and pretend otherwise.

[a_gentle_boy]

...So you've given up?

[crusthatecean]

Yes.

Don't get me wrong, I'll still continue to do everything I previously did. Trying to make things safer, keep everyone from dying, solve problems...sure, I don't have anything better to do.

But I don't harbor any delusions it's actually going to change anything that happens to us. I give myself up entirely to fate and miracles and our horrible squid god overlords.

[a_gentle_boy]

I guess a speech about friendship and hope wouldn't change your mind?

[crusthatecean]

Probably not.

[a_gentle_boy]

...

[Lucas is quiet for a few moments.]

I guess I understand. It's hard to keep on going like this. This is what works for me, but... it's not like it's working out that well, either. Maybe not getting your hopes up all the time is what works for you.

Let me know if you ever need anything, OK? I want to be able to be there for my friends.

[crusthatecean]

Yeah, sure, whatever.

[a_gentle_boy]

...

Try to cheer up, Karkat. Being unhappy all the time doesn't make Mayfield any better, either.

[crusthatecean]

It's not like I'm trying to be unhappy. That's just who I am.

[a_gentle_boy]

Do you like being unhappy?

[crusthatecean]

Of course not.

But I'm glad I am. I couldn't stand it if I was happy. It's a complicated emotion.

[a_gentle_boy]

Complicated isn't always a bad thing. Maybe it'll turn out better than you think.

[crusthatecean]

I'm just waiting to see who is next to go leave. Gamzee, I'm guessing. Maybe Feferi. Maybe Nepeta again, just for shits and giggles, but I'm guessing Gamzee because that would be the hardest.

It's over. This was my second chance. I had everyone here. And now most of them are gone. I failed to save them for the second time. The ones who are gone are gone. Sollux is dead, he's never coming back. Vriska is dead. Terezi's alive and maybe she'll be back and have forgotten everything, which means we're done, because I'm pathetic and a coward and I just can't do it over again. It was hard enough the first time.

I think you're probably wrong about it turning out better than I think.

[a_gentle_boy]

[Lucas stays quiet for a few moments after Karkat speaks.]

...

Yeah. Yeah, I... I understand. It's the hardest thing about Mayfield.

My mom and my twin brother were here. Are here. They've both been dead for a long time back home. Whenever I see their drones... It's like having to accept that they're gone all over again. I don't know why. There's still... There's always this moment when I see them, and my heart pounds for a half-second, no matter how many times it's happened before. Forgetting that I've already used my second chance, that it's too late.

The person I loved most left, too. He came back. And he'd forgotten it all. And the girl I thought I loved... She's gone, and I don't think she's coming back.

It's too much to bear sometimes. I don't know what I can say that will help you, but... For me, I have to keep going for all of their sakes. So that the time we had here wasn't completely worthless. So that it's still meaningful, because as long as I treasure it, it was there, and it was real.

It might be too much to ask for a second chance. Maybe you shouldn't think of it that way. Just... take it for what it is. The time you have here, no matter how short or how long, is real, and we have to make the most of it we can.

If my mom ever comes back, I don't know what I'd do. But at least... it means a little more time.

[crusthatecean]

...Sorry.

[He sounds more subdued now; less angry and on edge. Actually, he sort of feels like an asshole, because he knows the way he goes off sounds like he doesn't think anyone else has problems that matter.]

You're probably right. About it never being a second chance, I mean.

It's just that all of them, the ones who died, they died the day before I came here. Hours before, really, which sounds so strange to think about now, but I didn't have time to get used to thinking of them as really dead. I was too busy trying to stop anyone else from dying. So when I came here, and they were here, and fine, it just seemed unimaginable that they were actually gone. It just seemed obvious that my job was to save them. Just like it was the first time, which I fucked up dramatically.

You're probably right that there's nothing I ever could have done, here I mean, to keep them alive and safe and prevent everyone from leaving. But it was my fault they died in the first place. If I accept that, if I accept that it's time to stop trying to make a life here and go home and fix my own fucked up universe that I happen to have been born to save, how can I even look at them in the oculars, you know?

I don't look at them and see ghosts, even though that's all they are.

[a_gentle_boy]

I'm sorry, too. I can't imagine how hard it must be on you.

I know it's easier to say than to believe, but I think... I think if your friends knew the truth, they'd want you to be able to accept it, too. It would be terribly hard for them to accept, and maybe it's not even a good idea to ever let them know. But at the same time... if they did, I can't see them begrudging you doing what you need to do to move on. Even if it means letting them go.

They aren't just ghosts and memories, not like this, and giving up on them just feels like the worst kind of betrayal. But struggling on without ever being able to find peace... that's not fair to you, either. You've done everything you can. A lot more than what you can. ...Sometimes, you just have to be a little selfish for your own sake.

My mom... She knew. Even without me saying so. She said that if I wasted all my time moping about it, I would ruin what we had here, no matter how short or long it was.

[crusthatecean]

I can't let them go. They were my friends. I was supposed to keep them safe.

[a_gentle_boy]

Y-Yeah...

[Lucas falls silent again.]

...Whatever you decide, Karkat, just... pick what's right for you.

And I don't know what happened, but... You can't help anyone if you're struggling so hard. Please try to take some time for yourself, too.