Four Doomed Timelines - At Least He's Not Competing with Egbert

[cawtier]

[Awww shit yeah. Dave isn't all about japes and capers like his bro John but he considers himself a fair hand in the pranking business.

WHERE DOING IT
WHERE MAKING IT HAPEN

At various times throughout the first four days of April:]

[Pranking Scout]

[NAK NAK NAK

That is the sound of some bird pecking at the window of your bedroom at god knows what time in the morning. It is a totally rad orange crow with sunglasses. He is just so cool. So incredibly cool, in fact, you can feel your face tingling, just looking at him.

Wait. That. Might not be his incredible coolness making your face tingle.]

[Pranking Luke]

[Some kind of plaintive CA-CAW rings out through the air and the next thing you know this orange blur comes plummeting from the sky. Right in front of your face. Landing on the ground with a pathetic thump.

Poor bird, rest in peace.

Inspect radical orange corpse? Y/N]

[Pranking Dualscar]

[RISE AND SHINE. It's a beautiful morning and HAHAHA WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ON YOUR BEDROOM WALL?

Terrible orange as shit drawing of JigSaw's face and WOOD you LIKE TO PLAY a gaME? scrawled on your wall. As well as an arrow pointing towards the window and look OUT the widow written there as well.]

[Pranking The Captain]

[Somewhere, somehow, you have stumbled across an incredibly shitty plastic lamp lying under a tree. No seriously, it looks like a toy someone bought from the dollar store (spoiler: it is). In any case, there are some pretty clear instructions written on the tree trunk above it, with an orange arrow pointing down at it:

RUB ME LIKE SOME FINE ASS AWW YEAH

SEEMS LEGIT. Who would pass up a genie, huh?]

[Pranking Clubs Deuce]

[After watching this guy for a while, Dave decided to just. Do something ridiculously stupid.

There is totally a line of candy down the sidewalk leading into an alley. And a FREED CANDY label at the start of the trail. WHAT COULD GO WRONG?]

[Action; Everywhere]

[Davesprite can also be found flying around, either setting up pranks or chillin' like a villain. At various points he may be rockin' a sweet new hat or other loot. He is totally on the lookout for anyone trying to get the upper hand on him.]

Hahaha just so many chumps lining up for a serving of their own ass like they just survived a fuckin' ass famine, guys just can't get enough of it.

[OoC: Anyone who is pranking Dave for the event can respond here. Likewise, anyone just trying to prank him for fun or otherwise wanting to interact normally can be here. Also, feel free to run across the same prank set-up as Luke and The Captain]

[Phone, after Pranking Scout]

Alright I've never heard of this brand and it totally looks toxic but somethings you just got to do for science so wish me luck.

[There's a pop and fizz - the sound of a can of soda being opened. Then a lot of metallic scrabbling of claws and wings on metal]

Oh holy shit how am I even supposed to goddamn lack of opposable thumbs I just-

[SPLOOSH. Yeah, Something just spilled.]

Whatever just get in my gullet-

Oh HOPY SHIT GOTTA GO FAST-!

[There's a crash, like a window breaking and the call ends]

[Action, Anywhere, immediately after the above phone call]

[THERE IS AN ORANGE FREAKIN' BLUR GOING BY YOU. AND FIRING NEON ORANGE LASERS EVERYWHERE, LITTLE SPARKLING BROKEN DISKS COMING OFF IT. AND ORANGE FEATHERS, EVERYWHERE.]

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Comments

[cawtier]

What the hell is wrong with you? Did you come from the world of the weirdos? You are weirding me out, and my hobby is collecting weird dead things, so that's saying something.

[monk_of_keyfu]

[Key-Fu snaps into a martial arts kata with a "hup!"]

I come from the coil of mortality, my flummoxed fowl! I am the Monk of Key-Fu, the percolator of pleasantess paving the way for a perkier present!

[cawtier]

...you sell coffee? That's what I'm taking away from this.

[monk_of_keyfu]

I proffer not caffeination, but cleansing the clockwork of calamitous curmudgeons!

[cawtier]

So you punch people and that's your gift to society, huh?

[monk_of_keyfu]

[Key-Fu thrusts a thumbs-up gesture out toward Davesprite.]

Indeed, my tangerine treepie!

[cawtier]

You have got to be the most obnoxious superhero I've ever met.

[monk_of_keyfu]

[Key-Fu snaps into another martial arts kata! This time he has his Key in one hand. An oversized, thick skeleton key that looks like it's made of brass. Except it's glowing.]

It is improbable! Such an odious oversight to one's oath would surely swaddle the forces of unpleasantness in the flocculent blankets of victory!

[... Is that a lens flare?]

[cawtier]

Wow I really wish I'd talked less with Lalonde so I had no idea what you were saying. Instead I'm getting about 50% and that is 51% too much.

[monk_of_keyfu]

[Key-Fu snaps to another martial arts kata. While standing on one foot.]

Such folly! One does not enjoy the battle brew by abstaining from the half-and-half of knowledge!

[cawtier]

Oh my god you are worse than the trolls stop making coffee metaphors.

[monk_of_keyfu]

My feathered forerunner, I assure you that I am no toll booth ogre!

[cawtier]

Please tell me there's only one of you.

[monk_of_keyfu]

[Key-Fu's head snaps to the side.]

[A beat passes, and then his head snaps to the other side.]

[And then, he faces Davesprite's direction once more.]

Surely my life is as a bowl of frosted flakes!

[cawtier]

If you fucking say it's grrrreeat I'm gonna shoot you again.

[monk_of_keyfu]

I beg your pardon, for it is you who have invoked the timbre of the tiger!

[Now Key-Fu points dramatically, hovering his finger inches away from Davepsrite's beak! The Key Rune is in his other hand, shining brightly as if to backlight him.]

You are also as orange as a door hinge!

[cawtier]

Dude get that out of my face.

[He snaps irritably at that finger]

[monk_of_keyfu]

[Key-Fu briskly retracts his hand!]

Goodness! Such a cranky cork video!