32nd Blood | The road to become GDA! Great Driver Arcueid!!

[tsukihime]

[All around the streets of Mayfield | Most of today]

[Why hello there, Mayfield. Have you suddenly found yourself hit by that slime from that one delightfully hilarious classic movie? Are you feeling a little bit irritable today? Picking fights, snapping at your loved ones, and generally just being dicks to one another?

Well, don't worry! Arcueid's here!.......to make it worse. You may be stomping around town looking for a fight, or just generally irritable, or maybe even not affected at all. But, if you are anywhere near paved streets, you may bear witness to an odd sight.

Thanks to one certain Golden superhero, who honestly knew NOT what he did, Arcueid has been introduced to her new favorite "sport." This "sport," happens to be CART RACING! That's right, Arcueid has stolen a shopping cart from the store, finding areas with a high incline, and practicing her racing prowess on the streets.

So, as you travel through town, you may suddenly be passed by a fast-moving blur of blond, white and silver. She may almost hit you, she may fly by just laughing loudly, or she might even HIT YOU. Hey, these things aren't easy to control from inside. Hopefully anyone she mows over ends up being people who can take a hit from a shopping cart loaded with a vampire at what must be a good 20 to 30 miles per hour. Feel free to react however you please, or even pick a fight!]

[John Doe Park | Evening]

[There's a mangled, discarded cart laying in the grass near a blonde woman in white also laying on her back in the grass. Her limbs are stretched out, and she appears to just be staring at the sky. That's really it. It's hard to tell whether she's alive or dead from a distance.]

Comments

[thecoolexec]

It's my fault, she says. MY!! Fault?!

....You. I KNOW YOU. Arcueid, right? The blonde with the big... uh, enthusiasm.

Why is it every time I see you, I'm injured in some way?

[tsukihime]

[Arcueid just gives him kind of a blank look.]

First of all, I don't know. Maybe you're prone to injury?

Secondly, how come you talk like you're narrating your own life sometimes?

[thecoolexec]

Because I like knowing I'm the star of the show, obviously. (Not that I do it THAT often...)

The hell are you even doing, anyway? Playing Shop till you Drop? Hate to break it to ya but you just lost.

[tsukihime]

Huh, you're weird.

I don't know what "shop til you drop" is, but that's not what I'm doing. I'm practicing my cart skills.

Is there something wrong with that?

[Such a stupid question.]

[thecoolexec]

Your cart skills. I'm guessing you don't know that traditional go-karts are actual vehicles and not shopping carts. Otherwise they'd be called... shopping carts. And the races would be pathetic.

...

Do you not remember me? You fought me in the middle of the street. Called me an evil-doer, threw me around with your frighteningly powerful thighs (and not in the fun way)... I feel like I must have asked you out, but that didn't pan out or something.

[tsukihime]

Yea, I remember you. You wanted to go eat dinner with me or something but I guess we just forgot?

I don't know what a "go cart" is, either. I like riding around in the shopping carts because I can get them to go pretty fast.

[thecoolexec]

Just checking... guess I didn't leave much of an impression. [He wrinkles his brow. That bothers him a little -- he's used to making flashy, lasting impressions.]

Wait-wait-wait. With those legs of yours, why bother with shopping carts? Can't you run faster than the cart? Leap tall buildings in a single bound?

Jeez, go drive a car if that's what you're looking for. Not much better than a fast car and an open road.

[tsukihime]

Well, you kind of did leave an impression. I think you're pretty weird but your metal suit is cool.

[Arcueid seems to mull over that for a moment, before finally responding to the other part.]

Yea but if I crash in a car won't it like, explode, or something?

[Yea, she's seen too many movies.]

[thecoolexec]

[Tch. "Weird?" That hurts. Endearingly off-beat, maybe. Eccentric on a bad day. But WEIRD?]

I... well, I suppose if you crash it hard enough, you will blow up in a ball of fire, but just... don't do that. That's kind of the point of driving things: to avoid hitting other things.

[tsukihime]

But that's kind of the cool part, sometimes. Especially since it won't hurt me, anyway.

I don't think I'd want to watch cart races if nobody ever crashed. That's a little less exciting.

[thecoolexec]

You sound like 40 of the United States at a NASCAR race.

Listen, the thrill of a race is being in that driver's seat, buckled in, cranking the engine and roaring at speeds you could never achieve, weaving around obstacles at a breakneck pace and hearing the roar of an angry, sophisticated machine at your command, itching to rip away from you with the slightest mistake. THAT is racing.

It'd probably be even more fun as a woman because, hey, good vibrations, as the Beach Boys might say.

[tsukihime]

[Arcueid seems to have a look of awe about her as Tony describes the thrill of driving a vehicle in a race. Now you fucked up.]

Wow, is it really that exciting?? I've never...really driven a car before! I want to try it! Where can I get a car like that??

...what do you mean "good vibrations?" [Oh, no, you dun fucked up twice.]

OH GOD AWKWARD

[thecoolexec]

Please tell me you're joking.
...
You're not telling me you're joking.

This is the kind of shit that happens when you thread with me. RUN AWAY NOW.

[tsukihime]

I didn't tell a joke.

[She's not ignorant to things of a sexual nature...she's just ignorant to "good vibrations" specifically.]

CRABWALKS AWAY

[thecoolexec]

...Well, don't feel bad -- I'm not sure you have it in you.

Uh... that's... not really important, and really loses... the humor when it's explained, but.. you know... a woman sitting on a roaring engine would have.. a better time than... a guy, because of the vibrations on her...

[Congrats, you have managed to make Tony Stark visibly uncomfortable twice in the span of twenty minutes. Once by making him fall on his face. Another by making him swallow his own words.]

Nope, you in it for the long-haul, now.

[tsukihime]

[Goodness, in addition to being the will of the planet is Arcueid also the ultimate Star-taming machine?]

I can tell jokes!

[Though, Arcueid simply listens with avid attention to Tony's attempted explanation of "good vibrations," seeming to ponder it for a moment afterwards.]

I don't...oh...OH!! Hahaha, you're a pervert! [She laughs and points at him, but then seems to move into deep thought again.]

Does that really work?

[Yep, she hardly seems phased. Probably because she doesn't really know him or anything so she has no reason to be embarrassed by the weird things a human might say.]

Re: Nope, you in it for the long-haul, now.

[thecoolexec]

[...Well, at least she laughed at the end anyway. He was expected a high-powered slap in the face, if not a roundhouse kick to the nads. He still isn't sure what her triggers are, but he's starting to think she's just aloof and airheaded, in a somewhat pleasant kind of way.]

Y'know, I'm not sure? Why don't you find out and let me know? Use as much detail as you want. I'll pretend I'm writing a novel about it and then not actually do that ever.

[tsukihime]

You're kind of funny when you're not scared that I'm going to beat you up.

Anyway, I don't know how to drive a car to begin with so I'm just going to stick to carts. [Arcueid then moves to retrieve her cart, wheeling it back and forth to make sure it still rolls properly.]

Besides, I don't think this will ever explode.

[thecoolexec]

Jeez, am I that obvious?
[He scratches his beard thoughtfully and chuckles a little in good humor.]

Nah, you're pretty safe from volatile explosions there. Unless it's... "Explosive Shopping Carts Day" in Mayfield and we're all about to be maimed while buying laundry detergent.

Do people-slash-yourself a favor? Install a bumper on that thing?

[tsukihime]

[Arcueid examines her cart for a moment, seemingly thinking about that bumper option.]

Nah, that would probably slow me down. I can't have extra accessories on my cart.

[thecoolexec]

...Worth a try, I guess. No one can say I don't look out for the common man, woman, giant robot or anthropomorphic animal in Mayfield.

[tsukihime]

Do you...are are you just worried about me hitting you?

[thecoolexec]

I'm not worried you'll hit me. I'm positive you will. You steer that thing like a drunken hippopotamus that also happens to be Asian.

[tsukihime]

[That comment REALLY seems to have confused Arcueid.]

Are...are hippos Asian?

[thecoolexec]

None that I've ever met. But never mind...