mayfield_rpg | [IX] and in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat

[Voice]

Well, that's nice. A nice gift. One of many from Mayfield, always look forward to one after a particularly horrible time.

And yes, I'm being sarcastic. Getting my head cut open and then being forced to kiss people, and all I get is the bloody Pandorica? Which is, because you're all curious, the greatest prison ever created that looks sort of like a rather large box and about a year ago I flew it into an exploding TARDIS to reboot the universe and save every living thing. Yes, you're welcome.

By the way, if I did kiss you a few weeks ago, you're very welcome for that too. But not quite as welcome as for saving the universe, which is, rather more impressive. But still, I've been complimented quite often on my kissing. Though, I really wasn't planning on kissing anyone at all so don't expect any repeats.

...And back to the Pandorica. Right. Well, if anyone wants a rather large and ugly stone box, I'll freely give you this one. Fits one person inside. Maybe two if you're small. Also, may or may not have restoring powers. Dunno anymore.

Still, if you can drag it off my lawn, it's yours. Use it for a cage for your more annoying friends or something, I don't care.

[Action at 1338 Benny Road.]

[It's easy, even at night, to notice the large, eight feet tall and eight feet wide, and slightly glowing cube sitting in the front yard.

As one passes by the house, it becomes obvious that one side of the box is opened, two doors sliding outwards to reveal a chair. And in the chair, bathed in a soft blue light that comes from inside the box, is the Doctor.

He's curled up in the chair, knees to his chest, and staring blankly up at the sky, lost in thought. It's odd to see him so quiet and so still, and the with the complete absence of any energy, he barely seems like the same man who made the earlier angry phone call.

Whatever he's thinking about, it certainly has a deep hold on his mind as he doesn't seem to even notice anyone approach.]

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[The Doctor inhales deeply as emotions rise inside him. He's surprised at it, he'd spent so much time trying to act like everything was fine by numbing himself. But now the empty feeling is replaced with uncontrollable grief. And anger and disappointment at himself.

He's just a miserable selfish old man]

Yeah.

[He sits down on the base of the interior of the box, hunching a little in on himself to avoid the cold. He doesn't know what to say to fix it, but he wishes he does, and that has to count for something.]

One of mine just left, too. Regains and everything, so you know he's gone back just in time to be strangled to death on my dumbass account.

What are yours going back to?

...Waking up to find out she's been held captive for months and he leads a war to save her. It amounts to nothing in the end and they have baby girl taken from them and raised as a living weapon.

[he recites it like a poem memorized from childhood. All of the mistakes he's made, all of the pain he's inflected on the two people he loves more than anything.]

[He fidgets awkwardly, fighting his instinctual urge to say so what? He's not equipped to understand what losing your wiggler would be like for a human, and anyway, it doesn't matter what he thinks.]

This place is like a fucking revolving door, they'll be back eventually.

[The Doctor sniffs and shifts in the chair. It's want he wants, of course, but he hates himself for wanting it. For wanting Amy and Rory to suffer in Mayfield to ease his loneliness.]

...I don't want them to come back. However miserable they are back home, it's worse here.

[He doesn't believe that, but he knows how it feels to be torn between your selfish wants and what you want for someone else.]

I guess. They're lucky they have something better to go back to.

...For awhile, yeah.

[Until he messes it up.]

[God, is this really what he's like when he gets in these moods? Ugh.]

What, not planning to save the universe in the nick of time at that juncture?

[A bitter chuckle.]

...I tried. But well, turns out when you save the universe, you make a few enemies. Makes people scared of you. Amy gets kidnapped to get at me. Because they think I'm some great warrior.

[He sighs and runs a hand down his face.]

Didn't really start off planning to save the universe. To have prisons built for me.

That's a point in your favor. I've never known anyone who goes about anything with plans to save the universe who's turned out to be worth knowing.

But on the other hand, if Amy had died in the horrible end of the universe, she probably wouldn't have gotten kidnapped. It's hard to fight that logic.

[A tired laugh escapes him. He suppose that's Karkat trying to cheer him up.]

Well, I was erased after the universe ended, but she managed to bring me back. Just wish I had known to let her live her life instead of dragging her and Rory along with me again.

[He bites his lip. The more he talks about them, the more the idea that they're really gone begins to sink in.]

[Yes, it is, and this is Karkat feeling frustrated at how useless he is at it.]

Okay then, I guess you're just an asshole. You probably ruined their lives, does that feel better?

...

I wanted to try to start fixing it. And I know there's still a chance if I'm not here. A real chance to start over and be happy.

[He sniffs again.]

I miss them. Terrible, isn't it?

Wow, let me think. There are a lot of terrible things that come to mind, it might take me a while to sort through every possible thing I might choose to describe as terrible.

But no, that one doesn't really strike me. No one doesn't fucking miss people they care about when they're gone!

Terrible that I wish they were here in this awful place just so I don't have to miss them.

[A sigh and runs his hand through his hair.]

I'm a selfish old man like always.

Maybe, but I don't think anyone hasn't been guilty of that.

Should know better.

[He sighs a little, rubbing at his nose. It's a small comfort, but it's nice to hear something like that. Especially Karkat.]

Thanks Karkat.

Whatever.

[He's never comfortable with having effort to be nice on his part acknowledged, and he hunches in on himself a little more.]

No need to stay out if you're chilled.

[Yay subject changes! Let's seize on those.]

I know. If I want to go inside, I'm capable of picking my ass off the ground and doing just that.

Glad to know. Sorry for ever doubting you.

[Rolling his eyes.]

My horns are going to freeze off, so I guess I'm going in. Are you staying out here and enjoying the pleasant weather?

It is pleasant, isn't it? Nice and crisp. Don't find that very often when I pop to Earth for a visit.

So yes, I think I will stay out and enjoy the quiet and the stars.

Knock yourself out, then. Try not to freeze to death, I don't want to have to defrost your corpse when it gets stuck to this thing.

[A snort of laughter.]

Definitely going to avoid that. Thanks for your concern.

[IX] and in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat

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