Riddle 040: A Little Less Conversation...

[questionauthority]

[At some point on this seemingly ordinary Thursday afternoon, a conversation between two older men can be heard over Mayfield’s phone lines. No, it isn’t Jack Smith or the Mayor. But who could these men possibly be...?]

-- I do NOT have cobwebs--

Well, from the sound of it, you certainly don’t anymore.

I have no idea where you’re getting such horrible lies from, Nigma, if you haven’t just thought them up yourself, but they’re just that. Lies.

He actually defended you, you know. Do you mean to tell me that all those lovely things he had to say about you were lies?

And you’re just going to automatically believe-- No, of course, of course you’re going to trust the word of a textbook narcissist over mine; it’s like talking at a mirror for you two, isn’t it?

What’s the matter, Jonathan? Can’t handle it when I rustle your feathers? You had no problem rustling his.

... I am hanging up the phone, Edward. I will never be picking it up again.

I’m sure you won’t. Wait. Hang on a second. [A dramatic pause.] ...Oh dear.

... [Why is he letting his curiosity get the better of him?] What?

Well, it appears as though---in my haste to check up on you, of course---I neglected to filter the call. Must have slipped my mind.

[As good an actor as Eddie may be, there’s no hiding that shit-eating grin that’s just crept onto his face.]

... I am going to fill your veins with so much fear toxin you will never have a coherent thought ever again.

Comments

[questionauthority]

Not entirely like you.

[questionauthority]

Oh, I wouldn't want to keep you in suspense...

[Yet that's exactly what he does. Ever the entertainer, even now.]

[strike_you_out]

[Awesome.]

It makes you see things?

[questionauthority]

Correct. Of course, the hallucinations are bound to vary by victim.

[strike_you_out]

And now he wants to use it on you.

[Great. He hopes you know he's not hitting you again, Edward. Three times should be enough.]

[questionauthority]

[Ye of little faith, Slugger.]

That won't be happening; I can assure you of that. The only form of torture I'll find myself subjected to is living in this damned town with him.

[strike_you_out]

I thought you two were friends...

[inthebones]

It isn't so much a question of picking up as it is being anywhere within fifty feet of him projecting his psychological complexes.

[phobophobia]

Why would you want to equate yourself to him.

[Phone]

[phobophobia]

I don't know who you are.

I don't care.

Hang up the phone or you will die.

[phobophobia]

It's what Edward is going to have instead of blood very, very soon.

[hintcoinplz]

If it means that much to you, then okay. I won't talk to him again.

But are you sure he won't use it?

[have_your_lives]

You're mistaking which of us is emulating who.

And I never said he was good at it, either.

[have_your_lives]

Just when it comes to tormenting people? And here I thought that was the part about me you didn't like.

[phobophobia]

A chemical compound meant to stimulate the centers of the brain that cause the emotional and physical reactions related to fear.

It's very effective. [so sit the FUCK down edward]

[phobophobia]

Please hang up the phone. [how many times does he have to say this]

[strike_you_out]

Mr. Crane...?

[Long time, no see (or hear?)]

[hintcoinplz]

[Gosh Crane why so mean. Luke thought you were a pretty cool dude until now.]

Whatever it is, you're not using it on Mr. Nigma. Understand? Find some other way to work out your differences.

[questionauthority]

You say that as if it's the only thing.

Don't think of it as torment, then. Think of it as an eye for an eye.

[phobophobia]

[oh good work eddie you are the best fucking father ever]

You shouldn't be listening to such things, child.

[questionauthority]

Good.

I'm positive.

[Because really, now. When has this guy ever let you down?]

[phobophobia]

This town does have a statistically-improbable amount of pathological narcissists, doesn't it.

[phobophobia]

[yeah thinking he was cool was his first mistake]

Is that a threat, boy?

[questionauthority]

Perhaps we could be, assuming the old crone ever gets over himself.

[phobophobia]

It shouldn't be theirs, either, but there's little I can do to stop that, unfortunately. [at least they're sorta on his side the most...]