xi.

[stabdads]

[Somebody sent him flowers? Oh goodness me! Slick is just a-giddy with excitement. Skipping merrily to the flower vase, he daintily picks up a carnation and sniffs in its lovely fragraokay who am I kidding Slick immediately sets the flowers on fire.

Unfortunately for him, he may have caught a little whiff of the smoke from the vase before dumping the ashes outside...]

[action, Febuary 14th]

[IF YOU ARE ABOVE THE AGE OF 13, Slick will approach you brusquely, without any sort of provocation whatsoever, and will shove a small, carefully wrapped box in your hands without so much as a greeting.]

This is for you.

[Meanwhile, if you're under the age of 13, Slick will instead hand you a black suit, a fedora, and a suspiciously-wrapped L-shaped package.]

We don't have much time so I'll keep this short. I'm your new dad, call me Papa Slick, and you're part of my Crew now. We've got a heist planned for noon, here's your suit and your hat and your gun. Meet me in the car when you're dressed. Oh yeah, bring an apron, I'm gonna teach you the best places to stab a guy.

[Well this isn't terrifying at all.]

Comments

[stabdads]

I don't know what that is. [he really doesn't.] Look if you don't eat meat or whatever that's fine, I'll let you share Deuce's gummy bears. Now go get dressed while I get these molotovs ready.

[kinship]

No! No... sir, wait.

[Why does he have to run across the CRAZY PEOPLE?]

Please don't hurt anyone. No molotovs, okay?

[stabdads]

Call me Papa Slick. [he scowls.] I'm not going to start hurting people yet, I was going to wait for you to get dressed first. What kind of father do you think I am, kid?

[kinship]

...Right, Papa Slick.

[He has to resist the urge to facepalm.]

Even if I got changed, still please no hurting people.

[stabdads]

I make no promises.

[kinship]

But who would you hurt? And why?

[stabdads]

[hmm.] I'm not sure I understand the question.

[kinship]

[Oh God, this will never end well.]

Who were you planning to hurt?