♋ 34

[crusthatecean]

[Phone]

I'm getting really tired of these 'change your history and personality' events. I put down a vote that next event be one of those 'tear out your organs while you're awake' events, I think I prefer those. Who is with me?

Also it goes without saying that I was an obnoxious fucking asshole, like pretty much all highbloods, I guess. Feel free to take issue with it, not least because out of all my many flaws, I never thought that would be one of them.

Comments

phone;

[cullscuttlefish]

...at least you didn't think you were an immortal, retarded asshole highblood who had fancy God Tier pajamas and could take other people's crazy away.

I don't suggest trying that, not with how death works here.

[crusthatecean]

No, I was more of your typical highblood, violent and insane and arrogant and completely nauseates me. Also, I said all kinds of awful shit and hilariously it turns out the only one I was insulting was me.

[cullscuttlefish]

Karkat, we all expect expletive-filled rants about how everyone's heads are so far up their waste chutes they can see out the other end from you. So don't even apologize for that.

[crusthatecean]

I shouldn't have expected you to get it.

It's not the same. It's not. I know I'm an asshole to everyone, but guess what? I can act like I'm in charge of everyone and I'm better because I'm not actually better, I'm not actually looking down my sniffnode at anyone, which I know you're well aware of but have never actually deemed it worth mentioning that you fucking know. Guess what? How I acted actually matters to me because unlike some I understand exactly what it's like to be treated that way and it is not the same thing as being ranted at by some angry control freak everyone erroneously assumes is just a lowblood.

[cullscuttlefish]

You know what?

You're right. I didn't get it, because I haven't been there. As much as I try to understand it and try not to actually be a condescending bitch who talks down her own sniffnode at people, I haven't been in that spot.

I know that I wind up unintentionally being a condescending bitch anyway by saying and doing shit like that. And yeah, I know how condescending that came off, too.

I'm sorry for that. But you don't have to apologize to me, either way.

[crusthatecean]

You didn't deserve to get snapped at by me.

That was the first time I ever had anyone to look down on and surprise I acted completely shitty, shittier than anyone else. So I feel kind of awful, what else is new.

[cullscuttlefish]

You didn't deserve my crap, either.

I know it's not much, but nobody acted like themselves last weekend. Still. It sucks, and for that, I'm sorry.

[crusthatecean]

Yeah, whatever, it wasn't completely terrible I guess.

[cullscuttlefish]

The part where I died sucked pretty hard, though. Thinking you're immortal doesn't make you immortal, it just makes you an idiot.

[crusthatecean]

I hated every moment of it. I hate completely who I was.

But something came out of it and I don't know how to feel but I think it might be good. The only problem is I'm terrified Mayfield will take it away again.

[cullscuttlefish]

Understandable.

Karkat, if this place teaches anything, it's to hold onto the moment. I think you should hang onto it like a lifeline, if it was good.