(no subject)

[imperial_ray]

[Action: The Church; Late Wednesday Night]

-The deep need for malice had finally subsided. But her nightmares had not. The seal kept her in that state of self-induced mental torture for some time before it finally faded and true, dreamless sleep claimed her for most of the day... until finally, late into the night, she stirred from her sleep, waking up with a scream of terror...-


[Phone; Thursday Morning]

I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I...

-Nope. That was as far as she could get. She quickly hung up the phone. She couldn't handle it.-

[Action: The Curch; Thursday Late Morning - Noon]

-But visitors would come none the less. She stayed in one of the back rooms, resting in the makeshift cot she had made for Father Abel to sleep in during his frequent naps. She wore the guilt plainly, and it was obvious to anyone the sort of state she was in...-

Comments

[imperial_ray]

... -Tears welled up in her eyes and she quickly pulled herself away, as if the very touch burned.-

I can't forgive myself...

[bloodsugar]

[...hn. those words hurt. he doesn't want to think of her as blaming herself for what was beyond her control, but -- she needed time before he could work at separating the guilt and blame. she was raw right now. so... let's take small steps.]

Then... where do you want to go from here, Dizzy?

[imperial_ray]

... I don't know.

[bloodsugar]

It's okay not to know. Or to be scared... even-- of yourself, now and then.

[he offers his hand, this time. it's slow and gentle as not to spook her, held outward in a peaceful gesture. she can take it if she wants... or she can leave it as is; it's up to her.]

What counts is what you do despite it. Even if you feel like you can't forgive yourself, and facing the future is too hard... you have to find the strength to put one foot in front of the other. And... it isn't just for you. It's for everyone you love, and everyone who loves you, too. Whether or not you believe you're worth it... their loyalty is something you have.

So... try to remember that. Even if it's hard... even if every bone in you tells you to give up -- until everyone else has... don't you think it's worth trying to push forward? If they can believe in you... maybe one day, you can learn to believe in yourself.

[imperial_ray]

-She stared at the hand for what felt like a full moment before she sprang up from the cot, clinging to Abel perhaps a bit too tightly as she began to sob, deeply, for the first time since she awoke last night.-

[bloodsugar]

[she had been taking a while to respond, and... his heart might have started to sink, thinking perhaps she had fallen so low as to be unable to be reached this way. but, before he could lose hope--

...

ah.

he blinks once in surprise where he finds himself abruptly gripped... before he's gently but firmly folding his arms around her in return, ducking his head a bit. holding her in a manner that hopefully conveys his affection despite what she cannot forgive herself for, as well as reassurance and support. 'it's okay...']

I'm sorry, Miss Dizzy... that this is all I can do. But... please-- don't hold back and let it all out.

[imperial_ray]

I don't know what to do! It hurts so much, but I can't stop thinking about what happened. I close my eyes and it's all there!

[bloodsugar]

You've made it up until this moment right here, haven't you?

[his voice is soft, gentle, as he keeps her close. it's okay ;(]

All you need to do is take it one beat at a time. Don't think about what's happening ten minutes from now, or... ten hours from now. Don't look back into the past. Take it moment to moment. If you can do that much, then... you'll be able to pick yourself up before you know it. I believe in you...