The idea of wanting to satisfy your parents he can get behind. The idea of having to prove yourself satisfactory? Even more so. The idea of giving himself some kind of worth has always meant something to Benson, or at least for a long time had before he'd been dragged down by life. Had gotten lost in a strong current that kept pushing him forward and down, and eventually it got to the point where it was so much easier to obey the current and where it took him than swim against it. And it was just so bitter, it was so goddamn bitter to think this kid was getting close to the point he was at, or a pantomime of it. Of getting that caught up in the idea of hierarchy and social standing beyond what most kids were supposed to worry about.
And he's just so irritated with himself for the stupid bullshit he made up to try and make Equius happy. To appease him. He should have been honest from the start so he wouldn't have to push this kind of worry down on the kid.]
...I'm pleased to have you living here too.
[And he is. Even more than living with the drones, he was just glad to live with someone. To not be locked into a cramped, three room apartment in the city anymore, to have someone to talk to where he lived. Benson had always told himself he was fine on his own, but he'd always known that was a lie too. Even someone as anti-social as he was needed some social contact at times.]
And that isn't going to change. I am satisfied you're my son. You're a great kid, Equius. You don't need to worry about me being happy you're here. I don't think that's going to change.
[Because he does like the kid. Even cares about him, if just because he lives here.
Well. Maybe more than just because he lives here.]
[outside]
The idea of wanting to satisfy your parents he can get behind. The idea of having to prove yourself satisfactory? Even more so. The idea of giving himself some kind of worth has always meant something to Benson, or at least for a long time had before he'd been dragged down by life. Had gotten lost in a strong current that kept pushing him forward and down, and eventually it got to the point where it was so much easier to obey the current and where it took him than swim against it. And it was just so bitter, it was so goddamn bitter to think this kid was getting close to the point he was at, or a pantomime of it. Of getting that caught up in the idea of hierarchy and social standing beyond what most kids were supposed to worry about.
And he's just so irritated with himself for the stupid bullshit he made up to try and make Equius happy. To appease him. He should have been honest from the start so he wouldn't have to push this kind of worry down on the kid.]
...I'm pleased to have you living here too.
[And he is. Even more than living with the drones, he was just glad to live with someone. To not be locked into a cramped, three room apartment in the city anymore, to have someone to talk to where he lived. Benson had always told himself he was fine on his own, but he'd always known that was a lie too. Even someone as anti-social as he was needed some social contact at times.]
And that isn't going to change. I am satisfied you're my son. You're a great kid, Equius. You don't need to worry about me being happy you're here. I don't think that's going to change.
[Because he does like the kid. Even cares about him, if just because he lives here.
Well. Maybe more than just because he lives here.]