Equius Zahhak ♐ 2 Little Hoofbeasts ♐

[sheneighnigans]

[1. Letter | Morning | Addressed to the head of household at 502 Ricardo | Neatly folded and laying in the mailbox]

D --> To the mother or father figure at five hundred and two Ricardo Street
D --> Whomever is in charge of the hive



D --> I must take the time to point out that your designated male offspring was e%ceedingly rude to me yesterday
D --> His behavior was nothing short of reprehensible and I demand that he be punished for it
D --> Not only was he sitting out in the open with materials that were blatantly pornographic in nature, but he attempted to assault me as well
D --> You will punish him at once or my father figure will hear of this debauchery
D --> I am of noble b100d and I will not stand for this sort of tomf001ery
D --> Rein your human child in or I will punish him myself at my soonest convenience
D --> That is all

D --> Respond immediately at five hundred and seven Ricardo Street
D --> If neither I or Benson are home
D --> Leave your notice in our correspondence receptacle



D --> Sincerely

D --> Equius Zahhak

[2. Action | Afternoon | John Doe Park | Open to all]

[Equius isn't used to being this weak. So, what better way to remedy that than by going for a nice invigorating jog? And by jog, I mean it started out as that, and has since slowed to a pathetic crawl. He's moping around the park with his hands in the pockets of his shorts, hunched over in annoyance at his own incompetence. He really can't wait to get his STRENGTH back.

Maybe you'll catch him kicking stones down a path, or maybe you'll catch up to him while he's sitting on a park bench. Either way, he definitely needs a friendly kick in the shins to get him going again.]

Comments

[werejew]

Yeah, yeah, I'm sure you have, like, a huge fucking dick.

And my mouth's not "foul" or any of that shit! I brush, like, every week! [not getting it] You talk funny, though.

[sheneighnigans]

[Oh, God.]

I have no idea what a "dick" is. But undoubtedly it is also something lewd and unmentionable. So excuse me for saying it.

You talk much like everyone else in this place.

[werejew]

You talk like rich people. [sick burn]

[sheneighnigans]

Is that meant to be an insult? I am nobility where I am from, after all. Though that didn't seem to mean much to others, even above my stature in society.

[He looks at her in annoyance.]

If you are that irritated by those who are more fortunate than you, then you must be a human equivalent of a lowblood. Am I correct? I am still learning human terminology, so perhaps you could help me out.

[werejew]

[She's still smiling, but her eye twitches slightly at the last part.] No, I'm not, whatever the fuck that means. And I'm not human, either.

And I'm just saying you sound all posh and shit; it's an observation! I don't hate posh people or shit like that. [She's dating one, after all.] You just talk funny.

[sheneighnigans]

Oh. I beg your pardon. It's a bit hard to tell who is and who isn't, here.

[He genuinely means it. He does look a bit sorry.]

If we are stating the obvious, then you are being a bit rude. Or, at the very least, you are putting me off, somewhat.

[werejew]

Don't sweat it, dude; people make that mistake, like, all the fucking time.

Oh, am I? [she considers this] ... Nope!

[sheneighnigans]

[He sputters.]

You certainly are being rude. You approached me in an attempt to show off, you called me slow, and then you deliberately made fun of the way that I speak. How is that not rude?

[werejew]

Well, yeah, I was just saying I don't give a fuck!

So, what's your name, dude?

[sheneighnigans]

[Gosh darn it. This girl...]

Well, I do. So kindly stop.

Equius. Zahhak. Yours?

[werejew]

Annie Goldstein!

Make me.

[sheneighnigans]

It is rude to strike a lady, unless she truly deserves it. I will not.

[werejew]

Do I look like a fucking lady to you, dude?

C'mon, I dare you. I double-dog dare you!

[sheneighnigans]

[Equius hesitates, then looks her over very, very quickly.]

...Yes. You look like a lady.

I will not hit you. I am kindly...asking you. To be polite.

[werejew]

And I'm kindly fucking asking you to hit me.

Try not to break your little baby fingers if you do!

[sheneighnigans]

[He frowns deeply. No way. No way is he hitting her.

He reaches out and gives her the gentlest of shoves. It'll barely even rock her.]

There. Now leave me alone. I've already told you that I'm not at my full potential, so it wouldn't even be a proper indicator of my true STRENGTH, if I did strike you.

[werejew]

Ugh, lame.

Well, when you get your STRENGTH! back, then! I haven't had a fight that wasn't, like, legit and to the death in, like, fucking forever.

[sheneighnigans]

[He just stares at her for a few moments.]

...You fight to the death?

[werejew]

... Yeah, like. Every week, pretty much. I got a dick for a fake!husband.

[sheneighnigans]

...So. He forces you? And he kills you?

[This sounds a bit worrisome.]

[werejew]

Hey, sometimes I kill his ass, too!

[sheneighnigans]

But he forces you? I am more concerned about that.

[werejew]

Why the fuck would you be?