[He sounds more subdued now; less angry and on edge. Actually, he sort of feels like an asshole, because he knows the way he goes off sounds like he doesn't think anyone else has problems that matter.]
You're probably right. About it never being a second chance, I mean.
It's just that all of them, the ones who died, they died the day before I came here. Hours before, really, which sounds so strange to think about now, but I didn't have time to get used to thinking of them as really dead. I was too busy trying to stop anyone else from dying. So when I came here, and they were here, and fine, it just seemed unimaginable that they were actually gone. It just seemed obvious that my job was to save them. Just like it was the first time, which I fucked up dramatically.
You're probably right that there's nothing I ever could have done, here I mean, to keep them alive and safe and prevent everyone from leaving. But it was my fault they died in the first place. If I accept that, if I accept that it's time to stop trying to make a life here and go home and fix my own fucked up universe that I happen to have been born to save, how can I even look at them in the oculars, you know?
I don't look at them and see ghosts, even though that's all they are.
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[He sounds more subdued now; less angry and on edge. Actually, he sort of feels like an asshole, because he knows the way he goes off sounds like he doesn't think anyone else has problems that matter.]
You're probably right. About it never being a second chance, I mean.
It's just that all of them, the ones who died, they died the day before I came here. Hours before, really, which sounds so strange to think about now, but I didn't have time to get used to thinking of them as really dead. I was too busy trying to stop anyone else from dying. So when I came here, and they were here, and fine, it just seemed unimaginable that they were actually gone. It just seemed obvious that my job was to save them. Just like it was the first time, which I fucked up dramatically.
You're probably right that there's nothing I ever could have done, here I mean, to keep them alive and safe and prevent everyone from leaving. But it was my fault they died in the first place. If I accept that, if I accept that it's time to stop trying to make a life here and go home and fix my own fucked up universe that I happen to have been born to save, how can I even look at them in the oculars, you know?
I don't look at them and see ghosts, even though that's all they are.