[--no, no!! focus!! he's trying to displace his foot (honestly this doesn't really hurt but he's hamming it up as much as possible for melodrama's sake; what else would you expect) -- giving a pitiable cough.]

Wh-- what?! Why are you being so mean to me?! Whatever have I done to you but be your unfailingly loyal and beloved best friend, Charles--?! Th... think I'm going to cry, I--