022

[werejew]

Hello, Mayfield girls ages 11 to 13, have I got the deal of the fucking century for you!

So, basically, I have this adorable little friend who I won't name but his name's Luke, and during that time with the weird fucking flowers, I was a total bitch and rejected his love because he is A. super tiny and B. a boy. But I still felt totally bad about it. SO, to make up for breaking his little baby heart, I've decided to do the right thing and find him a cute little girl to fill the void I left in his soul. It's gonna be hard, but I'm just so nice I don't even care.

To qualify, you must be in that age range, a girl, be adorable, and like puzzles and riddles and other nerdy shit like that. Having a bangin' ass would be a plus. Reply now because he is going fast!

Comments

[thug_disease]

What's a "bangin ass?"

[werejew]

Something that helps you get farther in life.

[hintcoinplz]

[If Luke could facepalm any harder his hand would go through his head.

Also he is horrified right now.

Horrified.

Annie why.]

A-Annie.

[It's pretty hard to keep his voice calm but by god is he going to try.]

I didn't think you were actually serious about this.

[thug_disease]

Really? How does Yamame get one?

[sexmuid]

W-what in the world-- you cannot offer up a person like that!

[ukelelenogood]

Seriously?

[werejew]

Hey, I mean what I say, okay? I'm like that dumbass elephant.

Don't worry, little buddy, I'm gonna find you a nice girl!

[werejew]

... Why not?

[werejew]

I'm always serious.

[werejew]

Experts say eating rice and beans helps!

[ukelelenogood]

So do you think, like, little girls are going to understand half of what you said?

[thug_disease]

Yamame likes rice!

Wait...does this have to do with your butt?

[That only JUST CLICKED.]

[werejew]

Hey, if I can understand it, small children totally should.

[ukelelenogood]

Hey you know what? Point taken.

So you know as a police officer I should probably, like, investigate this or something. But I'll trust you that it's legit.

[werejew]

Good, you're halfway there, kid!

Yeah, that's what it means.

[sexmuid]

Because it'll humiliate them. Besides, I think words of advice would be much more helpful then proclaiming his status to the whole town.

[werejew]

I'm not gonna, like, steal a kid for him or anything. It's totally voluntary and shit. Just helping to sow the seeds of young love!

[werejew]

Advice is hard, this is a lot easier!

[yep]

[ukelelenogood]

You know what you should do?

You should start a service. A youth dating service. That's a brilliant fucking and noble thing to do, spread young love and shit.

[thug_disease]

[A soft noise is heard while Yamame sets down the phone receiver.

Brb, she's looking at her butt in the mirror. After a short moment, the phone is picked back up.]

How does Yamame tell if my butt is "bangin?"

[sexmuid]

[Brow raise, what even]

I highly doubt this is any easier. You've probably made it harder.

[hegemonstratos]

... Your age range for one of those things your asking for is a bit off.

[werejew]

Most kids are assholes, though. I'm just doing this to make up for breaking the kid's heart.

[werejew]

No, I've totally seen little kids be nerds before! It happens.

[hintcoinplz]

[.........what does he even say to this.]

N-not that I don't appreciate your efforts to uh, help me find a girl, I'm not sure if this will work.

And I'm not a baby!