Hajime Aikawa (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
chalicejoker) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
mayfield_rpg2012-06-06 05:49 pm
chalicejoker) wrote in mayfield_rpg2012-06-06 05:49 pm
Entry tags:
08 - AUfield Recovery
[There's nothing quite as unpleasant as waking up in the morning only to realize you've been an absolute monster for the past five days. Hajime doesn't really know what caused the sudden horrible shift in his behavior, but he's considerably disturbed by his actions. He spent that time doing nothing but seeking to destroy things, picking fights, and generally trying to hurt people--becoming the monster he's been trying desperately not to be.]
[A - 2239 Stevens]
[Immediately after waking up, Hajime staggers to the bathroom to splash water all over his face. He's wrestling with the memory of what he did to poor Floyd, and he's decided he's going to try to sneak out of the house before running into any of his housemates. So now he's heading downstairs, hoping he doesn't run into anyone else...]
[B - Around Town, late morning and early afternoon]
[Hajime will not be going to work today. Instead, he's going to wander aimlessly around town, morosely staring at a bunch of nothing. His body language strongly suggests he's depressed, and he's clearly lost in his own little world.
Not paying attention to his surroundings is going to have its side effects, and he's highly likely to walk into you. Oops.]
[C - John Doe Park, late afternoon and early evening]
[Hajime has parked himself on a park bench and is sitting there staring at nothingness, his own feet, or a weird playing card he's holding. He'll be hanging around until well after dark, because he still doesn't really want to go home.]
[A - 2239 Stevens]
[Immediately after waking up, Hajime staggers to the bathroom to splash water all over his face. He's wrestling with the memory of what he did to poor Floyd, and he's decided he's going to try to sneak out of the house before running into any of his housemates. So now he's heading downstairs, hoping he doesn't run into anyone else...]
[B - Around Town, late morning and early afternoon]
[Hajime will not be going to work today. Instead, he's going to wander aimlessly around town, morosely staring at a bunch of nothing. His body language strongly suggests he's depressed, and he's clearly lost in his own little world.
Not paying attention to his surroundings is going to have its side effects, and he's highly likely to walk into you. Oops.]
[C - John Doe Park, late afternoon and early evening]
[Hajime has parked himself on a park bench and is sitting there staring at nothingness, his own feet, or a weird playing card he's holding. He'll be hanging around until well after dark, because he still doesn't really want to go home.]
A
Re: A
...well, okay, having no dolls there, that's a good thing. Still, Hajime stops short upon seeing you like that. He feels quite bad about what happened to Floyd. You, Kretuzer? Although he's not proud of the way he let Joker get away from him, you were asking for it. There is significantly less remorse here.]
You look...alive.
[Oh, look! He can speak in complete sentences again!]
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But at that remark? She just shrugs.)
Alive enough. I tend to not stay dead.
(Just another sip of tea and no type of condescending remark or tone! Looks like she's changed considerably!)
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...and it's really too bad he's not the sort to be making bad boomerang jokes.]
You're taking it rather well.
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Death loses its appeal after the first time. Even then, I didn't get the full experience and Mayfield refuses to give it to me.
(Because she actually knows what it's like to die. Maybe none of that afterlife stuff, but being dead? Totally.)
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...you want to die? Permanently?
[And no, he's not offering anything. Just curious.]
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That was the plan...but then I was brought here. Pieces of my memory are missing, but the last thing I remember is my death. No whos, no hows, no whens, just...death.
(Now that gets some emotion out of Kreutzer, namely disdain. It's as if she was unsatisfied with the conditions she remembers.
The post office has the rest.)no subject
You remember your life as it was, then a span of time here in Mayfield, then your death?
[Because that's how he feels, only he remembers unleashing Joker, then Mayfield time, then Joker was brought under control. He's got no idea how, and that's worrisome.]
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Precisely. As impossible as it is, that's what I remember. We were brought here at the same time; I shouldn't have these memories unless...unless they're not mine. Perhaps they're false memories inserted to replace the real ones? The conservation of energy states that energy can only be transferred; not created or destroyed. Perhaps we're meant to remember these things instead of our lives...?
(Kreutzer seems to be spacing out as she speaks. She's not reading the paper anymore; she's just staring at it...or is she staring through it?)
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I know there was something important in what I've forgotten...but instead I remember grilling things. Washing the car. Mowing the lawn. Nothing important. The town's already proved it can toy with our minds as it sees fit...if it's slowly replacing things...
[Hajime realizes Kreutzer's sort of zoning out and frowns. He stares at her for a moment, then he cautiously approaches and attempts to wave his hand in front of her face. She's been having memory issues longer than he has, and if they're going to turn him into a space case like that eventually, he'd like to know.]
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...have you ever read halfway through a book and then skipped all the way to the last page to see how it ends? At best, you get a glimpse at the epilogue with little to no context. You don't know if the problem has been solved or what became of the characters; all you're aware of are the words on that final page. Nothing more...nothing less...
(And for once in a really long time, there's a very audible level of concern in Kreutzer's voice. Something from home is bothering her and it's showing...)
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I've some idea of how that might go. I...
[There's a pause. He doesn't know if he wants to share, necessarily, but given the fact that he's already killed her once and figures he can do it again if she pushes him that far...perhaps this would serve as a warning, as well.]
I lost control quite badly back home not long ago. I remember being Joker, rampaging...and then I was myself again. Joker was restrained as well as I could ever hope for. I...do not remember how. Or why.
[He's a little lost in what remains of his own memories now; his tone suggests he's zoning out a bit himself.]
Kenzaki had the chance to seal me but did not...
[Whoops, he doesn't really like talking about people from home, not in front of Kreutzer. It snaps him back to reality.]
I assume you're experiencing something similar.
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At mentioning a name, Kreutzer's eyes shift over to Hajime with interest. An associate, perhaps? Maybe a rival...someone he clearly respected enough. Her eyes go over to the teacup in her hand once the subject shifts to her origins.)
Similar enough. I overlooked a few details and because of that, my empire grew too powerful to fully control. It was on its way to completely destroying the world; by the time I realized it...it was too late. I could only suppress it by continuing my role as empress and guiding it properly. Directly working against it would've gotten me killed and lead to the Genoremasody Reich into going berserk. I had to do something...
...but that's where I draw blanks. The memories are burned out of my mind, but at the edge of those scars...ash. Flames. Blood. It's hard to breathe, hard to talk, impossible to move. Soon enough, my body gives out on me...then I find myself here.
(Notice how her hand's shaking ever so slightly? Because it is. Whether it's out of anger or anxiousness is unclear, but it's happening.)
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He listens to her speak, reflecting a bit on how well the town had matched the pair of them, even if they'd spent most of their time there trying to kill one another. That's probably natural with two destroyers trapped in a small enclosed space for too long...]
So that's what death is like.
[He's actually kind of wondering what it was like in comparison when he killed her, but doesn't ask--she's already shaking. Since this is an emotional matter--with Kreutzer, no less--he's got absolutely no idea what he should do. She's showing weakness, and that doesn't happen much.]
And you still believe this to be some sort of afterlife.
[At this point, Hajime's slid into a chair across the table from her. He's made no move to get himself any sort of breakfast or anything to drink. Kind of unusual he's not going for that morning coffee.]
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It's cold and agonizing, but considering the life I lived, it was the more comfortable and welcome option.
(It's...hard to say what Kreutzer's exactly feeling right now. Relief? Probably. Anxiety? Noticeable. Guilt? Definitely. It was likely a mix of the three as well as a few others mixed in. It's with a sigh that she takes another sip of her tea, only to realize it was the last one in the cup.)
To me, this might as well be an afterlife. I'm sure it's not a fate others deserve, but for me...it's very possible.
(She begins pouring more hot water into her cup and giving the tea bag a moment to settle.)
I can die or kill myself every day if I wanted to. It wouldn't amount to anything other than wasted effort and time. Something out there is hell bent on denying me my eternal rest...but my time here in Mayfield has given me conflicting emotions. I've made many more friends here than I did back home. I've been using my powers to actually help people the way I want to without backfire. In a way, I'm...happy.
But back home, I'll always be a monster. If I'm here while my empire, there, then my world is surely gone. An entire planet's worth of life...gone. Wiped out, destroyed and probably enslaved. It's beyond whether or not I want to continue living; it's at the point of whether or not I deserve it. Comparing my actions in this world with mine...it doesn't look like I do.
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...except for maybe the happy in Mayfield bit. He just wants to get home to his family, and things here have just gotten awkward since he went all Joker on everyone. And at least back home, they have Rouse Blanks. They can seal him if they have to...]
Perhaps in your case, you've been given some sort of second chance. An opportunity to make things right before you're finally allowed to rest.
It does not matter if I'm here or back home. I am--and will always be--Joker. No matter what I do, I cannot escape it. At least if I were back home, there would be some chance I'd be properly resealed. If I remain as I am, Joker will eventually destroy everything. I've tried living as a human. The attempts always seem doomed to failure.
[Starting to get lost in thought again...he misses his family so badly right now. So, so very badly. There were those that really did accept him as a human...and he really doesn't want to get resealed.]
Though I suppose if I remain here, I can't hurt them...
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(Yeah, she's in the opposite of a happy place right now.)
You at least have a home to return to. Loved ones who want nothing more than your return, allies who'll warmly accept you back with open arms, a world that's...actually still there. I would be lying if I said I wasn't at least slightly jealous...
(But given everything she's said so far, it's pretty clear her jealousy is more than slight.)
...even if sealing Joker away was a near impossibility, you have those who would fight for such a cause just so you would be able to live without that fear. In the end, you're much better off than I am...I'm running out of reasons to continue living.
(Kreutzer's gone back to staring lifelessly at her cup of tea. This is probably the most emotional she's been around Hajime thus far; she'd be taken aback by it herself if her inhibitions and damn-giving levels weren't so low.)
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Pity. It's pity. He feels sorry for her. Even though he was universally reviled and feared by his own species, even though most who knew him would just as soon see him sealed, there were still those that actually cared for him back home. She didn't even seem to have that going for her.]
Sometimes, the only reason we have to carry on is simply to survive. To endure. To...
[Wait, is he actually trying to give Kreutzer a pep talk? It's probably something he needs to hear too, given the way he's been feeling this morning. The "my mind is somewhere else" look on his face suggests this is just as much for his benefit.]
To fight fate. That's what Kenzaki always said. That I should fight my fate.
[Yep, lowered inhibitions all around, it would seem...]
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You still have a fate to fight...that is good. Fight your fate; carry on with what's been working for you. I can't exactly do the same since my fate was already carried out...
(It's about here when she rises from her seat.)
I have to go. Several matters call for my attention today and I need to see them through.
(And she's just about to pass him before suddenly stopping, looking away as she speaks.)
...thanks, Hajime.
(And with that, Kreutzer and her doll leave the house to make way for the rest of the day.)
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